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Richards

Gifts from EX

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If it bothered my new husband, I would. Like you said, it's just a coffee cup. It's a small price to pay for peace in your household. The item is irrelevant. What is relevant is how your wife feels about it.

Exactly, and it's his wife that need to get over it. she is the one with the issue
You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
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Am I being an insensitive dick or is she maybe being a bit too sensitive?



She's being whiney, manipulative and territorial. It's up to you whether you choose to enable that behavior by going along with it.

I might feel differently if it were *not* something innocuous and inexpensive or if it were anything that was even a little suggestive that your ex wanted you back.

Walt

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Keep the cup... Hell, I still have a diamond ring my ex gave me... I don't wear it, but he didn't want it back, so I kept it. It's just a cup, and not a ring. :S

"I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself

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She's being whiney, manipulative and territorial. It's up to you whether you choose to enable that behavior by going along with it.



I think I may have given you guys the wrong impression of her. She does have a bit of a hang-up about this but she really is a wonderfull person. She supports all of my ambitions even if they are not the best career choices. She is just bugged by the cup. It might also be an aggrivating factor that the cup is somewhat rude.

But yes, I do not like throwing stuff out and I think she may be overreacting to this one.
My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

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I think I may have given you guys the wrong impression of her. She does have a bit of a hang-up about this but she really is a wonderfull person. She supports all of my ambitions even if they are not the best career choices. She is just bugged by the cup. It might also be an aggrivating factor that the cup is somewhat rude.

But yes, I do not like throwing stuff out and I think she may be overreacting to this one.



It's not about the cup. I can't imagine anyone getting bent out of shape over a cup except for some very unusual circumstances.

It's about control, insecurity or both. If she's trying to exert control over you, don't give in under any circumstances. If it is about her being insecure, it's not the cup that is the problem and you need to deal with that. Getting rid of the cup won't help but it's at least understandable.

Walt

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Walts completely right. Its a friggen cup, you married her not the ex and at the end of the day you climb into bed with her, who gives a crap if when you wake up you use a cup your ex got you. Sounds like shes just wants to be the end all be all to you
Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

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I gave my ex her protrack and her alti galaxy, do you think she'll throw those out?



Are you looking for your next ex cause i'm available. :D



Fuck it. The next person I am looking to buy those for is me myself and I. I hate my FT-50. I am not looking for my next ex right now ...
Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
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It took 35 posts before anyone asked, "What does the cup say?"
My initial gut reaction to the very first post was, "Tell her to grow up". However, what the heck is so special about this cup? Why does EITHER of you care this much about a stupid cup?

What is so 'great' about this cup that makes it difficult to replace? Is it possible that she may be instictively right, and you are harboring lingering feelings for this ex? Or does the cup say something like, "I love how you make me tingle, Big Boy!"?;):)

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Hmmm, I kind of see it from the other side, I guess. I think if that kind of thing bothered ME, it wouldn't be because I was concerned that my partner was harboring old feelings for the ex. It would be because the gift symbolized the ex's one-time feelings for my partner. Granted, we're just talking about a coffee cup but it's something you see and use every day or so. So, every time it comes out of the cupboard, it's a visual reminder of the old relationship. I don't think I'd be upset about a coffee cup, but I can see how it could be irksome. The past may be long over, but the reminder just goes on and on. A coffee cup problem may be taking it a little far, but I think we've already agreed that the coffee cup itself isn't the underlying issue.
TPM Sister #102

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Whats more important? Her feelings or the lame ass coffee cup?



Well obviously if it were to turn into a crisis the cup would go. At this stage it is something she simply would prefer I got rid of. It's not actually causing fights or anything, just minor complaints and some subtle pressure.
My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

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Does the cup have a provacative slogan or phrase? You mentioned that it's suggestive or something of that nature?

I'd feel kind of weird if my husband kept a cup that said something with a sexual tone from an ex.

Marriage always comes down to give and take...if it is just a simple mug...and she's said that it bothers her...can't you get another funny cup? :)
Justified or not, she told you how she felt. -Honestly, can we always justify the way we feel? I can't.

It's not like a car or something. Isn't $4 worth keeping your wife happy? Has she accomodated something like this for you in the past? If she hasn't, would she? If the situation were reversed...would she do this for you?

Just some thoughts. I'd give up a coffee cup if it would make my husband happy. -I can't imagine any $4 mug that I'd keep knowing that my husband's feelings were hurt when he saw it. I wouldn't make him justify it, personally. If it made him feel bad, it's gone.

That's just me. Good luck.
~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

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It took 35 posts before anyone asked, "What does the cup say?"



It doesn't sound funny to describe and you would probably have to know me well to find it funny but I will describe it anyway. Basically this cup has a hole through the centre (like a tube from one side to the other so I can still drink out of it) with the word "Ass" above it and about 6 exclamaition marks (!!!!!!!) after it. Basically it screams that the owner of the cup (me) is an asshole. Most of my freinds found it quite funny and said it was perfect for me.

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However, what the heck is so special about this cup? Why does EITHER of you care this much about a stupid cup?



There is nothing "special" about the cup. I just find it amusing.

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Is it possible that she may be instictively right, and you are harboring lingering feelings for this ex?



Nope. I have neither positive or negative feelings towards this ex. She is simply a part of my history and I do not think about her. It was a very long time ago and I maintain no contact with her and I have no intention changing that.
My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

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I have all sorts of things from my last marriage. I don't really hold onto them because of WHO gave them to me, but because I liked them. There are some things that I may get rid of in the future, but only because I've decided it's time.

If there is ever anything that might cause a rift, I'm sure it could be discussed and worked out to a mutual satisfaction.

The only thing that I'd feel a little funny about would be an engagement/wedding ring. Keep them for your kids if you want, but don't wear them for goodness sake! :o
Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

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Thats my position. Generally she is usually not like this. I have female freinds (and she has guy freinds) and neither of us has any insecurity but for some reason the cup bugs her.

Cheers
My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

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It's about control, insecurity or both. If she's trying to exert control over you, don't give in under any circumstances. If it is about her being insecure, it's not the cup that is the problem and you need to deal with that. Getting rid of the cup won't help but it's at least understandable.



Nah. We actually have a great marriage (not many people would put up with me). I might have inadvertently given the wrong impression with my initial post. This is not causing a marital rift or any sort of bitterness around the house. She admits that it seems a bit picky but it bugs her. She is not giving me any ultimatums though. Either way it is not a catastrophe, it is just one of those things.
My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

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