Wrong number call fun

[Bolas 5]

My home phone is only about 1-2 digits off from a furniture store/wholesaler.

I get wrong number calls all the time. Most of the time I just say hello and they ask if this is the furniture store and I tell them no and hang up. Occasionally I'll get someone who just starts talking. Usually I let them off the hook, but not this poor bastard:

Me: Hello?
PB: Hi, I'm calling about the Oragum set.
Me: Hello?
PB: I'm calling about the Oragum set.
Me: The Orvum set?
PB: The Oragum set.
Me: Oh okay. What do you want to know?
PB: What is the price on it?
Me: How many do you want? There is a price break at 7.
PB: Oh, just one.
Me: Wow, that's an expensive set, with the Italian leather and all.
PB: What's the best price you can give me?
Me: It's normally 25 but I can give it to you for 18,4.
PB: Is that for the queen or the king?
Me: The queen, the king is 5 more.
PB: So 1840 for the queen and 2340 for the king?
Me: No, 18 thousand four hundred. 5 grand more for the king. This is a really nice set, real Italian leather.
PB: Oh, well can you ship to Georgia?
Me: Sure, but it is 7 grand more. In state shipping is free though.

At that point I hung up because I could no longer keep from laughing. He didn't call back so I guess he got the right number and is now confusing the hell out of them.

I should have recorded it.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[cocheese 0]

Ha ha. I usually get the jive talkers. I axe them if they're speaking English. They say yea. (i think)
Then i say:" I can't understand you, can you speak slower and more clear?"
It doesn't help. Hard to believe the english language can sound so foriegn from someone who is from just a few miles away.

[ladyflyer77 0]

Pretty damn funny. To bad you couldn't keep it up. Would have been nice to see if he was willing to pay the price "YOU" were quoting. Including the S&H.

If I stand on my tip toes, I can see the weekend from here!

[IanHarrop 42]

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right ***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is.

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow duplex, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[BillyVance 34]

I've seen that joke a bunch of times, but it was "you're a jackass" instead of "asshole".

Still a classic though.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Bolas 5]

If he had called back I would have started asking what "options" he wanted.

Mounting points
Lube dispenser
etc.
etc.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[Taikoen 0]

Do people ever get mad at you for being a wrong number?

There's a taxi cab driver that has the same number as me, and he's apparently on a list of Medicare drivers. I get calls every once in a while looking for this guy, Charlie or Charles, the Taxi Cab Driver. He actually gives out my cell phone number. I get calls and voice mails all the time by nurses or hospital staff and really old sounding people that want a ride. Or they bitch about how I'm late to pick up Granny Smith from the front entrance of Blah Hospital. Sometimes I tell them to just wait because I'm in traffic, but I try not to be too mean to them.

[ladyflyer77 0]

Quote

If he had called back I would have started asking what "options" he wanted.

Mounting points
Lube dispenser
etc.
etc.

You should have asked him if he was single or married. That you have a new product on the shelves and are running a special. The product would be "non-staining sheets". They also come with special semon removing detergent so the next lady won't know about the night before.

If I stand on my tip toes, I can see the weekend from here!

[eeneR 3]

Oh this brings back memories....My phone number growing up was one number off the local YMCA....

Got those calls ALL THE TIME!

You have any vacancies?
How big is your pool? (this one I gave bath tub dimensions)
What time is class starting?

The list goes on. It was fun as a kid to goof with the people. I was never mean, just silly. As it was really easy to mess up.

number ex.

Mine was 5555570
the Y was 5555700

Get crazy with the 5 and you would call us

Course anytime I gave that number to potential date, they had to ask if I was joking. Some didnt believe it

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto

[sharimcm 0]

The number at my job was the same number for a daycare... I just remember getting pissed off one afternoon when someone called...

Me: "... Engineering"
Caller: "Uh, is this a daycare."
Me: "All the time ma'am. I'm a busy girl."
Caller: "This is a 'family' daycare correct?"
Me: "Yup. We're one big happy fuckin' family."
There was a long pause on the phone.
Caller: "What age groups do you accept?"
Me: "18 years and up."
Caller: "Did you say years or months?"
At that time, a co-worker started screaming "fuck this... fuck that... fucking whore." The caller hung up on me.

OK, so it's not that funny, but it was to me... The tone in the lady's voice said it all.

"I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself

[waltappel 1]

I saw a movie one time I think it was "Ruthless People". In one scene Danny DeVito played a sleazy businessman. He was at his desk when the phone rang. He answered the phone and after listening to the caller for a moment, said something like, "Sorry, she can't come to the phone right now--she's kind of busy--she's got my dick in her mouth." He then hung up and said, "I LOVE wrong numbers!"

Of course *I* would never do anything like that!

Walt

[Squeak 17]

Quote

The number at my job was the same number for a daycare... I just remember getting pissed off one afternoon when someone called...


OK, so it's not that funny, but it was to me... The tone in the lady's voice said it all.

Are you kidding that hilarious

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[billeisele 130]

my number used to be one off from a dating service, off course it never rang until 1 AM, guys lookin for a date (yea right), it is amazing what info they will give you when they are horny, stuff like

me- OK, what are you looking for
as long as she is cute and not taller than me
me- how tall are you
six foot with my shoes on
me- will you leave your shoes on or take them off
usually take them off
me- so you want a 5'10" or shorter right
yes
me- OK, for how long
rest of the night
me- night is over, it is morning now
huh, well a couple hours
me- you mean two hours or really 30 minutes
well probably, uh, do you have to talk first
me- only if you want to, it is $50 plus $100 an hour
can you get 1/2 hour
me- no it is one hour minimum, clock starts when they leave to meet you
well i'm downtown, want one hour
me- ok, that is $150, what is your credit card number

and these idiots give you the number

fortunately they went out of business or changed there number

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.