Manners and reactions

[McDuck 0]

I'm trying to get my head on straight about something that tends to grate on my nerves, so I thought I'd hit the audience here with it, as this place tends to be fairly divided on most sides of issues presented here, as is to be expected of a random slice of humanity.

No hypothetical scenarios here. I have a co-worker who is consistently rude or curt to serving staff at the places we frequent for lunches, as well as being the type of person who finds it impossible to keep more food in his mouth than on the table, chair and floor. We used to kid him about it, in a friendly attempt to hone some of his rougher edges. He's admitted to knowing he has those tendencies, but actively refuses to alter his behavior.

Last week, I jokingly commented at lunch that manners don't cost a thing, and that the word "please" is an easy and kind gesture when dealing with serving staff. He felt attacked and proceeded to tell me that the word "please" doesn't even fit in normal conversations and that I am a jackass. He made quite a scene. I've since refrained from attending lunches that include him, in an attempt to reduce the discomfort of the rest of my co-workers.

My questions are, 1) is it wrong to want people to be polite and kind, especially to serving staff, who catch enough crap in their daily work lives; 2) are you more inclined to be polite in those circumstances, or do you take your restaurant staff for granted; and 3) do you know people who are like this guy and how do you handle it? I've simply decided not to attend lunch if I know he's going to be included in the group, to reduce the strain and stress on the rest of my co-workers.

Answers on all sides of this issue are not only expected, but welcome. It never hurts to see all sides of something like this.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[Andy_Copland 0]

1.) is it wrong to want people to be polite and kind, especially to serving staff, who catch enough crap in their daily work lives:

Nope, i learnt long ago that manners and being polite = better service. I could walk into places and get free food and even went bowling with a group of alcoholic greeks who worked at a chicken place. Manners really do cost nothing and this is not a reward scheme either. I tend to show respect until they do something to lose it.

2) are you more inclined to be polite in those circumstances, or do you take your restaurant staff for granted

Yep

3) do you know people who are like this guy and how do you handle it?

I work with a guy who sent an egg back, he was very polite about it and said its not up to standard, i still thought it was a bit gay though. I just wouldnt eat with people who are all out rude.

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[Jewels 0]

I actually consider this sort of thing a big deal. I think it reveals a lot about someone's character when they behave rudely that way. It reflects a certain sense of entitlement, to which people are not particularly "entitled" at all. Just because someone is performing a service for you does not make them inferior and they should be treated with respect just as anyone else--sometimes more so, because of what they are asked to do.

I think you're right to stay away and have your lunches with others. If you've already tried to handle it with him to no avail, it's just time to move on. If he truly thinks the word "please" has no place in "normal" conversations, he has a looong way to go. It's not wrong of you to politely excuse yourself from those kinds of social encounters with him.

TPM Sister #102

[ryoder 1,590]

When I was in high school, I worked evenings at an upscale restaurant. Believe me, you do not want to piss off the people serving you! Or to put it another way: If you think you might have offended them, do not eat or drink anything they bring you after that point!

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[McDuck 0]

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When I was in high school, I worked evenings at an upscale restaurant. Believe me, you do not want to piss off the people serving you! Or to put it another way: If you think you might have offended them, do not eat or drink anything they bring you after that point!

Precisely! It behooves us on so many levels to treat others with respect. One of my other co-workers, in defending the "victim" of my frustrations, asked me what harm it did me if this other guy was rude to serving staff. I told him that first and foremost, it offended me the way cursing offends others, and in addition, if the staff gets upset enough at him, they may take it out on all of us (he didn't seem to agree). But that's not the most important reason for being polite and understanding of the people that make our lives easier. Common courtesy and decency apparently aren't all that common.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[waltappel 1]

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My questions are, 1) is it wrong to want people to be polite and kind, especially to serving staff, who catch enough crap in their daily work lives;

Good on you; bad on your co-worker. I consider it to be a very telling thing when someone is rude to people who are not in a position to "return the favor". People who do that are shitheads.

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2) are you more inclined to be polite in those circumstances, or do you take your restaurant staff for granted; and 3) do you know people who are like this guy and how do you handle it? I've simply decided not to attend lunch if I know he's going to be included in the group, to reduce the strain and stress on the rest of my co-workers.

Answers on all sides of this issue are not only expected, but welcome. It never hurts to see all sides of something like this.

I don't talk crap to people in that position. I have been known to talk some serious crap to people like your co-worker, though.

My suggestion is to go to lunch and when he says something rude to the waitstaff, say something to the waitstaff like, "You're going to have to excuse his rude behavior--he hasn't been the same ever since he [got dropped on his head, had his brain surgically removed, started bellyflying, etc.].

Walt

[willard 0]

Sounds to me like you already have your head on straight, it's your co-worker who needs help.
I also had a co-worker who acted like an ass towards the wait staff and I, like you, decided not to be around that person in those situations. There is only one jackass in your situation, and it most certainly isn't you.

Kudos to you!

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[piisfish 140]

well just ask your collegue, while at the restaurant :

Hey asshole, pass me the salt !

And see how he reacts.

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[Butters 0]

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When I was in high school, I worked evenings at an upscale restaurant. Believe me, you do not want to piss off the people serving you! Or to put it another way: If you think you might have offended them, do not eat or drink anything they bring you after that point!

I don't agree with people in the food industry doing this but the fact is there are people in the food industry doing this. Besides, I have learned that being polite and leaving descent tips gives me better service upon my return visits to my regular restaurants.

"That looks dangerous." Leopold Stotch

[roxi 0]

Kevin, I'm sorry this guy is getting under your skin...lunch with others is the best for you. He's obviously unconcerned and not going to consider your fellings nor any else's.

He really should be glad that he never ran into my mother who was a waitress and didn't put up with that shit. She would have straightened his ass out real quick. Unfortunately, in the day and age of PC, very few waitresses will stand up for themselves.

hmmm says the mouse

[masterrig 1]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying please and thank you to waitstaff. They aren't
personal servants'. They are trying to make your time at their establishment as pleasant as possible. You, are absolutely correct about saying 'please' and 'thank you'. Some folks feel that waiters and waitresses are like 2nd. class citizens. Waitstaff are only trying to do a job and make a living like most other folks. Being polite and courteous goes a long way.


Chuck

[Icon134 0]

No its not wrong to want people to be polite and kind.

A janitor is no less of a person then a rocket scientist and deserves to be treated respectfully.

I've had the occasional very poor service (and I mean really bad...) but I'll still be polite to the server...

I don't know that I really know anyone like this... most of the people I hang out with are rather considerate of others... (some of them are odd...) but all of them are generally considerate.

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[cjsgrlsx3 0]

My thoughts exactly. I used to work in food service also!

[turtlespeed 220]

1) If you want to know the quality of the character of a person, observe them and how they treat their servers at a restraunt.

2) I REALLY HOPE you send him a copy of this

3) I think he needs to experiance what he is from the other side of the coing, per say, and have him be a server. It sounds like he has an inferiority complex the size of Alaska.

4) If he ever does that, and I am around, he will wear whatever he ordered.


Now for your answers -
1) is it wrong to want people to be polite and kind, especially to serving staff, who catch enough crap in their daily work lives;
No, in fact it is encouraged, just don't over do it.

2) are you more inclined to be polite in those circumstances, or do you take your restaurant staff for granted;
A little of both, they are ther for your service, but should be treated well and compensated according to the level of service given, and attentiveness to your actual needs as a customer

3) do you know people who are like this guy and how do you handle it?
No, but I have heard of these people, I would deal with it in a way that would definately and without a single doubt make them remember whatever I did the next time and every time they walked into that kind of environment.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[pincheck 0]

i was always told to be polite when young. the way i see it treat people they way you want to be treated yourself

If you get bad service say something but be polite doesn't cost anything.

Billy-Sonic Haggis Flickr-Fun

[Lindercles 0]

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I could walk into places and get free food and even went bowling with a group of alcoholic greeks who worked at a chicken place.

Greeks vs. Chavs bowling? Brilliant! Don't forget to get video.

[Andy_Copland 0]

Chavs win everytime. innit.

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[DougH 270]

You should say please and thank you. I couldn't deal with that guy, and would find it hard not to point out that he is a no class piece of white trash.

I normally try to request not demand: can you please bring me, not BRING ME MORE.

I open doors for people, I hold doors open for girls. I expect you to say thanks, or thank you. I will usually say your welcome.

People that don't say thanks will get a " YOUR WELCOME". And I won't tell you what I said this one time when I held a door open for this woman, and she yelled at me that it was degrading to women, and she can open her own damn door.

"The restraining order says you're only allowed to touch me in freefall"
=P

[kelel01 1]

I've broken up with someone before based on the way they treated servers. 'Nuff said.

[shropshire 0]

So how come you so rude to me then youth?

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[Taikoen 0]

I have my own opinions on people and when asked, I usually share these opinions, which have gotten me into many arguments. I'm a 24-year-old smartass and have been threatened by people my entire life. The only physical fights I've been in were the ones that I started getting physical. I know there are situations that I could never talk my way out of or calm people down by using all the right words, but I'm pretty good at it. A LOT of that ties into just being nice, polite, and using the right words.

I'd never be rude to people that serve my food, either. No telling what the hell this guy has unknowingly eaten in the past. I have a great job, and I've considered getting part-time jobs as a waiter or at a fast food restaurant so that I can speak my mind (which I'm not always allowed to do with the customers at my good job), yell at people, get fired/quit, and just not care. It would be so satisfying to teach people who can't be nice or polite to someone just doing their job a lesson by treating them the same way.

[Andy_Copland 0]

Because you have more jumps than me.

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[shropshire 0]

I dislike folk who exhibit bad manners in public (I can put up with Andy, really).

I was brought up to respect folk and act accordingly. People who work in the service industry, like everyone else, deserve to be treated polietly and with respect. If the service is poor (which it can be) the one should complain in a respectfull manner, never EVER rude.

One should NEVER put anyone down in public. If you feel the need to complain, then take the person aside and do so privately.

I would find it very hard to associate with folk like your co-worker.

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[littleskycrab 0]

The last time I shared a meal with someone that was rude to the waitress....... I excused myself from the table, went & found the waitress, gave her my full bottle of Visine and $20. I apologized for the other persons crappy attitude and asked her to unload the WHOLE bottle of visine into his coffee.......... she did............ the rude asshole had the shits before the check ever came. I laughed my ass off & the waitress gave me a free dessert.

Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

[shropshire 0]

This too will change with time Grass Hopper.....

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome