Burying Your Mom

[usedtajump 1]

Just got back from burying my mother after she suffered a fatal stroke last Saturday and thought I'd relate a few afterthoughts.

First of all, let me say that mom was 92 years old and has been wracked with extreme pain in every fiber of her being for the last two years and medical "science" could do nothing to relieve her misery. She could not lay, sit or stand in any position that offered her relief or rest so the end was more of a God send for her, my 92 year old father, my two brothers and me.

Mom had the incredible foresight to buy pre need funeral arrangements for the family way back in 1952 and believe it or not, the funeral home stood by the prices for everything in 1952 dollars in which the package was purchased. What I figured would be a used car purchase type negotiation turned out to be one of the easiest, most seamless transactions I've been involved with and made dealing with the death of a dear loved one all the more easy to endure. If you care anything about your children, I encourage you to purchase a similar arrangement to make your passing that much less traumatic. Of course, if you can't stand what you've raised, die broke and they'll be stuck with the costs.

Well, Tuesday was mom's funeral. The funeral home let a dear friend of hers who had been doing her hair for 20 years do her hair and make up for the last time and compared to the agonized expression which had become mom's face for the last two years, she looked like she did about six years ago. I was amazed and all I could say is "she's beautiful". From that moment when we first saw her like that my brothers and I had such smiles on our faces and felt so good about seeing mom with a rested, relaxed look that there was not too much sadness and we just considered the occasion a celebration for her liberation from the agony in which she'd been trapped and for the many extra years we had her with us. The few tears I cried I considered selfish on my part.

Since finding out about the concept of life and death as children, I guess the first thing we realize is that we're going to die someday, next you realize your mom's going to die someday and how horrible that will be. I find it very anticlimactic that after all those years of dread I find myself still smiling and somewhat happy about mom's passing.

Of course, we'll most likely have to do this whole thing over for my 92 year old dad in a short few months since his tank is on empty and he's most likely already coasting. But what the Hell, 92 years is a good long time for anybody to be on this Earth and besides, he's covered on the same funeral plan as mom.

Still, I truly do miss her.

Thanks for you're indulgence.

Jerry

The older I get the less I care who I piss off.

[Rebecca 0]

That's beautiful Jerry - I'm glad your mom is at peace and that you both are set free from that awful pain.

I just lost my mother's parents over the past year and a half. They had made arrangements for their deaths, which was such a wonderful gift during our mourning.
My parents have made their arrangements as well, and I've thanked them for doing something so difficult for me and my brother.

92 is a really long run - you've got some good genes!

Thanks for sharing that with us.

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[wmw999 2,588]

I'm sorry you don't have your mother to love in person any more; even when it's time, it's hard in some ways.

A few years ago I buried my ex-father-in-law. He too had made arrangements, and died exactly as he wanted to, and pretty much when he wanted to. It was incredibly easy, so yes, anything you can do to let your kids know that they're "doing the right thing" is a blessing.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[CSpenceFLY 1]

Nice post.Sorry for your loss.I wish more people had this type of insight about life and death.

[jceman 1]

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Nice post.Sorry for your loss.I wish more people had this type of insight about life and death.

Amen.

Some of you may remeber I was pretty broken up by my mother's passing ack in '02 as it was totally unexpected, but it was physically very easy because Mom had done the same thing -- everything was in order and I just had to sing here, there and everywhere.

Usedtajump, I'm sorry for your loss but am very glad things were made a simple as possible for you. It's never easy losing a parent, but it's a boon to those left behind when the proper plans have been made.

Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money.

Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them?

[ladyskydiver 0]

Quote

Nice post.Sorry for your loss.I wish more people had this type of insight about life and death.

Amen

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[usedtajump 1]

"Nice post.Sorry for your loss.I wish more people had this type of insight about life and death."


Probably comes from so many years in skydiving and all that implies.

The older I get the less I care who I piss off.

[Michele 1]

I'm sorry to hear that she's passed, but happy she's relaxed and resting. And I echo the final arrangements being done prior to someone's death...my father and I did that about 12 years ago, and I know exactly what he wants, and where he wants it...because he's set it up totally. And last year we handled his living trust, so I am more fully cognizant of what he wants done with everything other than burial. We've even selected some of the music for his memorial...Bob Dylan, Simon and Garfunkel, and Frank Sinatra. LOL...

It's tough. But it's good.

And again, my condolences and prayers to you, Jerry.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Muenkel 0]

Thanks for that post. It gives us all something important to ponder.

Even though she was 92, she'll always be your mom. I'm glad she's at peace now and I'm glad you realize that.

Enjoy the really good memories.

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[weegegirl 2]

I'm very sorry for your loss. No matter how close they were to God's doorstep for no matter how long, and no matter how many years we were graced with their presence, losing a parent is still one of the hardest things in this world. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.