shropshire 0 #1 September 18, 2006 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite! (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFKING 4 #2 September 18, 2006 August 13, 7:45 pm......sat in the kitchen licking my nuts and my asshole for 10 minutes, then went into the living room and kissed every one of my people. Teach them to feed me dry dog food all the time. August 14, 8:22 pm.....thoroughly laved my scrotum and sphincter, then did the kissing rounds again. These people are dumb as bricks. Forbid me from laying on the couch, see if I care. August 15, 2:02 am.........no, there weren't any deer in the backyard.....just wanted to wake y'all's dumb asses up. August 16, 6:53 pm.......did the whole scrotum/asshole/kissing thing again. These folks never learn. August 17, 817 pm........scrotum/asshole/kissing. The dad keeps thinking it's an "accident" when I step on his testicles while jumping into his lap. What a goober."When in doubt I whip it out, I got me a rock-and-roll band. It's a free-for-all." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #3 September 18, 2006 My dog's potential diary entry for today based on her past conduct: 7 a.m. - barked at another friggin squirrel. 8 a.m. - finally got to that dove's nest and killed them. 9 a.m. - I saw that a replacement sprinkler was installed for that one I chewed up. So I chewed the sprinkler again. 10 a.m. - chewed up the hibiscus plant. Here comes Conor out to play. Yippee! 11 a.m. - Chewed wiring to sprinkler system. Noon - chewed up another sprinkler head for the hell of it 1 p.m. - dug hole around sprinkler to chew up tasty PVC pipe. 1:30 p.m. - dead doves are nice and stinky - roll in them. 2 p.m. - dug up replacement pomegranate bush and chewed it up. I like that he keeps planting these. 3 p.m. - chewed up the new water hose. 4 p.m. - with nothing left to chew up that looks interesting, I started chewing on the nice bone that they gave me yesterday to chew on, along with the lamb shoulder, chew rope, and the 10 other chew toys I have. Oh, shit. They left out the gas grill. Chewed on gas hose and regulator valve. 5 p.m. - here he comes to replace the sprinklers and spray that nasty-ass bitter stuff on it. Sprinklers will be on tonight, though. Afterwards, the bitter stuff will be gone and I'll chew up those sprinklers. 6 p.m. - He's still fixing the sprinklers. I'll go for a swim in the pool. 6:30 p.m. - he's filling in the dirt hole I dug. I'll dig another one. Oh, he's finally letting me onto that fresh sod. I'll dig by that sprinkler and chew it up. Yummy! 7 p.m. - oh, now he's cleaning the pool. I'll wait till he's done. While I'm waiting, I'll go redig that hole he filled. Thanks, dude. 7:20 p.m. - he finished cleaning the pool. I jumped in for a 1 minute swim and shook water all over him. The look on his face was precious. I spent a minute redigging the hole and rolling in the dirt and grime. Dirty now. Jump into pool to clean off. 7:30 p.m. - He's coming back from checking that tasty new sod. Why's he so mad? Musta been that kid of his that has him upset. Oh, he's got the choker collar - me must want to take me on a walk - he has usually walked me by now. What took him so long? He's been out here working for two and a half fucking hours instead of walking me? What an asshole. Okay, he's got the collar on and leashed me to the fence? WHAT? Oh, now he's got a shovel. That's a big hole he's digging. I could to better - he thinks he'll show me up. Right under that tree branch - oh, memories from chewing that up are great. I hope it grows again so I can eat it. HE's taking me to the hole now. FUN!!!! Wait - there are no wires or sprinkler pipes in here. But there are a few roots. I can chew those up. And when he's gone I'll push the dirt into the pool. He says he is going to play "pinata" with me? What's pinata? I've never heard of that. Hey! Let me down. OUCH! No further entries... My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davedlg 0 #4 September 18, 2006 As seen in a cat's diary: Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, that did not work according to plan . There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." I must learn what this is and how I may use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies And maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I have patience, I can wait, it is only a matter of time... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #5 September 18, 2006 (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cornholio 0 #6 September 18, 2006 LOL Dude, you got my dog or what?? QuoteMy dog's potential diary entry for today based on her past conduct: 7 a.m. - barked at another friggin squirrel. 8 a.m. - finally got to that dove's nest and killed them. 9 a.m. - I saw that a replacement sprinkler was installed for that one I chewed up. So I chewed the sprinkler again. << DITTO>> 10 a.m. - chewed up the hibiscus plant. Here comes Conor out to play. Yippee! 11 a.m. - Chewed wiring to sprinkler system. << DITTO>> Noon - chewed up another sprinkler head for the hell of it << DITTO>> 1 p.m. - dug hole around sprinkler to chew up tasty PVC pipe. << DITTO>> 1:30 p.m. - dead doves are nice and stinky - roll in them. 2 p.m. - dug up replacement pomegranate bush and chewed it up. I like that he keeps planting these. << DITTO>> 3 p.m. - chewed up the new water hose. << DITTO>> 4 p.m. - with nothing left to chew up that looks interesting, I started chewing on the nice bone that they gave me yesterday to chew on, along with the lamb shoulder, chew rope, and the 10 other chew toys I have. Oh, shit. They left out the gas grill. Chewed on gas hose and regulator valve. << DITTO>> LOL 5 p.m. - here he comes to replace the sprinklers and spray that nasty-ass bitter stuff on it. Sprinklers will be on tonight, though. Afterwards, the bitter stuff will be gone and I'll chew up those sprinklers. << DITTO>> 6 p.m. - He's still fixing the sprinklers. I'll go for a swim in the pool. 6:30 p.m. - he's filling in the dirt hole I dug. I'll dig another one. Oh, he's finally letting me onto that fresh sod. I'll dig by that sprinkler and chew it up. Yummy! << DITTO>> 7 p.m. - oh, now he's cleaning the pool. I'll wait till he's done. While I'm waiting, I'll go redig that hole he filled. Thanks, dude. 7:20 p.m. - he finished cleaning the pool. I jumped in for a 1 minute swim and shook water all over him. The look on his face was precious. I spent a minute redigging the hole and rolling in the dirt and grime. Dirty now. Jump into pool to clean off. 7:30 p.m. - He's coming back from checking that tasty new sod. Why's he so mad? Musta been that kid of his that has him upset. Oh, he's got the choker collar - me must want to take me on a walk - he has usually walked me by now. What took him so long? He's been out here working for two and a half fucking hours instead of walking me? What an asshole. Okay, he's got the collar on and leashed me to the fence? WHAT? Oh, now he's got a shovel. That's a big hole he's digging. I could to better - he thinks he'll show me up. Right under that tree branch - oh, memories from chewing that up are great. I hope it grows again so I can eat it. HE's taking me to the hole now. FUN!!!! Wait - there are no wires or sprinkler pipes in here. But there are a few roots. I can chew those up. And when he's gone I'll push the dirt into the pool. He says he is going to play "pinata" with me? What's pinata? I've never heard of that. Hey! Let me down. OUCH! No further entries... Butthead: Whoa! Burritos for breakfast! Beavis: Yeah! Yeah! Cool! bellyflier on the dz.com hybrid record jump Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
