What you should never say to a Police Officer.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP...

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.
That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look
glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[cocheese 0]

The Village People one. I can't wait to use that.

[tmaricle55 0]

I actually used this one... (reminder - what comes to mind should not always come out of mouth...)


Officer with a southern draw: Ma'am do you know how fast you were going?

ME irritated: NO, but I bet your going to tell me...

He took a few steps back started laughing and filled out that big ticket!

Muff Brother # 3883, SCR # 14796 ICD # 1 - Pres.
Yeah, I noticed and I think it's funny!

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

My sister actually said number 8 to an officer. It was a bogus stop and he knew it too. She was really pissed off. She also has a real problem driving Toll roads/highways too.

I just bat my eye lashes and go on my merry way.
Except for the one time I jumped out of a police car...but that is a looooong story. (And yes, the fool let me sit up front.)


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[waltappel 1]

One time as a psychopathic Texas state trooper was searching my car I asked, "You're not going to plant any dope in my car, are you?"

He came kind of unglued and was screaming some shit at me. He was quite upset that he didn't find any drugs in my car. I was upset that someone was negligent enough to let him work in law enforcement.

Walt

[unformed 0]

A friend of mine was getting searched. Said to the cop as as he's feeling him down.

"Hey man, don't start something you're not gonna finish."

Cop did not appreciate that.

This ad space for sale.

[SpeedRacer 1]

Quote

One time as a psychopathic Texas state trooper was searching my car I asked, "You're not going to plant any dope in my car, are you?"

He came kind of unglued and was screaming some shit at me. He was quite upset that he didn't find any drugs in my car. I was upset that someone was negligent enough to let him work in law enforcement.

Walt

a similar thing happened to my brother back in the 80s. The cop actually became more & more ANGRY that my brother DIDN'T have any drugs!!


WTF?????

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

I told ya behind the dash board was a great place to stash stuff!! Works every time.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

I would say something like that.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[Lindercles 0]

Quote

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

Yeah, go ahead and come to Texas and try that one and see what happens.

[normiss 798]

once while getting frisked...(as a biker it happens a lot)....the cop grabbed my package and had the gall to ask what's this?
me- "sorry...it's the best I could do on short notice"

his partner almost fell over...which of course pissed him off even more....

most - not all - cops are just a walking hard-on with a badge and a gun...I've not had many pleasurable experiences with them and I distrust them more than street urchins.

[waltappel 1]

Quote

a similar thing happened to my brother back in the 80s. The cop actually became more & more ANGRY that my brother DIDN'T have any drugs!!


WTF?????

Since that incident I view the "War on Drugs" as a war against the American people and think all drugs should be legalized. In general, I think most law enforcement people are reasonable people and they realize that the war on drugs is a complete sham. There are a few, though, who seem to be "true believers" in the cause and I think, at minimum, they are extremely misguided.

Walt

[460 0]

I had my car searched illegally by a group of police officers who pulled me over for having too dim of a license plate light. My car was a complete mess. The cops searched through it all and were quite ticked off about going through all the trash in my car and still finding no contraband. The asked me in a way to embarass me "why don't you clean you car?!??!?" I responded in my most upper crust voice "Hey, I don't litter. Is there a problem with that?"

Looks like a death sandwich without the bread - Steve Deadman Morrell, BASE 174

[Lindercles 0]

"It's not a war on drugs it's a war on personal freedom. Keep that in mind at all times."

-Bill Hicks

[piisfish 140]

Quote

Quote

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

Yeah, go ahead and come to Texas and try that one and see what happens.

If the Texas cop is not happy with that you can say you know Aggiedave

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[CSpenceFLY 1]

I got stopped for speeding one morning headed to a Nascar race in Atlanta. The cop pulled two of us over at the same time,I didn't know the other person,the other guy got a DUI at 9:30am.The cop comes back to me gets licence and stuff.Cop says"Mr.SpenceI hope you have not been drinking this morning".I say,"No sir,it's a little early for me.You might want to try to get me this afternoon".No smile no nothing.Then he asks"Is this your correct address"?I had my PO Box on my licence,I still don't remember how I did that,I say to him,"Well,we don't actually live at the post office".No smile no nothing.I shut up and let him write the speeding ticket.


.

[masterrig 1]

Driver to police officer: "How long will it take you to write that ticket?"
Officer: "Not long. Why, are you late getting somewhere?"
Driver: "Yes... a date with your wife!"


Chuck

[Stumpy 284]

Only makes sense in the UK:

"I'm sorry drinkstable, i haven't had a cu*t all night"

Never try to eat more than you can lift

[popsjumper 2]

When he approaches the window...

- Uhhh...I'll have a cheesburger and an order of fries to go, please.

- Are you playing the "good" cop or the "bad" cop today?

- You need a new job. You only see the shady side of life.

- Do you have tickets to the Pink Floyd concert?

- Why did you stop me? I don't have any donuts.



Posjumper professional advice
"Always carry bail money."

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[jeremy556 0]

Why would you let them search your car?

[sunshine 2]

Meow

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[btwitche1975 0]

"Why are you in such a shitty mood? Are you having problems at home?"

I saw this one used with absolutely horrible results.

/*
This is my rig... There are many like it, but this one is mine.
*/

[SWATcop 0]

You forgot

# 13. "I didn't do it"

Oh my god that is sooo funny.

#14. "He did it, take him to jail"

Oh that is such a good one also.

Kevin

Muff Brother #4041
Team Dirty Sanchez #467

[btwitche1975 0]

When drinking & driving with a beer and being pulled over: Quickly pull the label off the beer and stick it to your bicept. Tell the officer there is no way you would dare to drink while on the patch.

badabang

/*
This is my rig... There are many like it, but this one is mine.
*/

[Zing 2]

After getting knocked ass over teakettle by an automobile that sped off w/o stopping, I called the police, responding officer was given make, model and license number of car and after the fourth time officer mcdickhead asked, "what do you want me to do about it?" I told him to go ahead on back to the donut shop, I'll take care of it myself. He didn't like it much, and left, no police report ever filed.

I can state from personal experience that if a judge ever asks you, "Do you know what a judge is?" The wrong answer is, Yes your Honor, generally they are lawyers who couldn't make it in private practice.

Zing Lurks