boinky 0 #1 July 3, 2006 Today I heard about some friends of mine that got a divorce. I have other friends who are in the middle of a divorce. I've personally been divorced more than once-they all left me for other women. My question is...What the hell happened to "forever?" A couple starts seeing one another, gets serious, agrees to certain things and then decides to get married. When you get married, what happened to the obvious rules of marriage? 1. Love one another. 2. Be faithful to one another....no matter what. 3. Be honest with one another. 4. Talk to one another and work problems out. You spend all this time, money and effort planning the perfect wedding, honeymoon, etc. Last night I was told it was because no one goes into marriage expecting it to fail. But does anyone bother to plan on sticking out the hard times and trying to make it work? If we put as much effort into the longevity and less into the beginning, would it make a difference? I have new neighbors. They are supposed to be getting married in October. Hearing stuff like this makes me want to run over there and tell them not to bother. Can someone please tell me some happy, long term stories and make forever seem real again?Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 220 #2 July 3, 2006 LoL! Wow - quick and dirty answer to your question . . . because somepeople are true to themselves as well as others and some are not.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #3 July 3, 2006 Lots of people spend more time planning the wedding and honeymoon than they do planning the marriage itself. Not that I'd begrudge anyone their "dream wedding" but when I see people fighting over the flower arrangements... I have to wonder. Not married myself, but not because I'm opposed to the institution, I just haven't felt the need to be married just to be married... it'll be with the right person at the right time or it won't happen. I honestly think that societal pressure (especially on women) to marry (so that you can "validate" yourself in some way) contributes quite a bit to failed marriages. Here's a happy story: my mom and dad. They have been married 41 1/2 years. They've never been the super-duper lovey-dovey types in terms of outward displays of affection, but I've always known that they loved and respected each other in a very quiet way. They got married "late" for their generation (in 1964 when they got married, my mother was an "old maid" because she was still single at 26). They made a conscious decision not to have kids for another three years, preferring instead to enjoy being with each other for that period of time before they brought my brother and me into the equation. Again, they were bucking a societal trend/pressure. They made their marriage their own very early on. Holidays were for them and their new family, not to please their parents. Their families were always invited to come, but my parents created their own traditions. I think the fact that they got married on their own terms and created their marriage on their own terms gave them a wonderful foundation for the future. They've been retired for 12 years now and I've never seen them happier. Edited to add photos of then (four months before their wedding) and now (on a visit to the Northwest a few years ago)."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #4 July 3, 2006 Difference between Herpes and Love? Herpes is forever.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindercles 0 #5 July 3, 2006 What's forever for? It's for cheaters to spend in hell. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #6 July 3, 2006 It's easy into marriage and easy out. A lot of folks don't want to really, take responsibility for their actions. Marriage is seldom entered into with the right perspective to marriage. Things get a bit rough... leave! That simple. Very few are willing to stick it out. All was dandy in the back seat but then reality hit. Some folks just can't handle reality. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #7 July 3, 2006 My parents spent most of my life with my mother screaming and hollering at my father, swearing that when we grew up and moved out...she was leaving him. She was a bitchy, unhappy person. (I personally don't know why he put up with it...but I guess he believed in forever). After we DID grow up and move out, they stuck together. Just when they should've been able to enjoy their lives and each other again, he got Parkinson's Disease. He died two years ago. They never got the chance to rekindle the romance.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #8 July 3, 2006 QuoteDifference between Herpes and Love? Herpes is forever.Yeah, and those who loved someone (who cheated and got Herpes and then gave it to the loved one), usually spend forever suffering because of that love.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #9 July 3, 2006 QuoteWhat's forever for? It's for cheaters to spend in hell And the "cheatees" to mentally suffer forever, wondering why their spouse couldn't stay faithful to them. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #10 July 3, 2006 I guess I'm pathetic then. I tried to work it out when I KNEW that my now-ex was cheating on me. He divorced me for another woman...one he still doesn't have full time, btw.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaden 0 #11 July 3, 2006 Quote because somepeople are true to themselves as well as others and some are not. I agree... Maybe marriage is the wrong solution in many cases. The whole process seems a little selfish. I don't see the need for life to be so absolute. IMO Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #12 July 3, 2006 QuoteQuoteWhat's forever for? It's for cheaters to spend in hell And the "cheatees" to mentally suffer forever, wondering why their spouse couldn't stay faithful to them. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!! There are things in life that are *far* worse than being cheated on. Not that being cheated on doesn't hurt, but it's not the end of the world. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #13 July 3, 2006 QuoteI guess I'm pathetic then. I tried to work it out when I KNEW that my now-ex was cheating on me. He divorced me for another woman...one he still doesn't have full time, btw. _________________________________ That is not pathetic. You tried to make it work. He let you both down. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #14 July 3, 2006 Who the hell invented "marriage" anyway? Probably some stupid fucker that couldn't get any and figured his chances would improve if he limited everyone else to only 1 partner. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #15 July 3, 2006 Yes, I'm sure in the big picture of life, there are far worse things. But in the individual picture, self mental devaluation can be just as hurtful as a car crash. In some cases...it has led to suicide. You know...."If I wasn't good enough for them...then obviously, I'm not good enough for anyone."Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #16 July 3, 2006 QuoteCan someone please tell me some happy, long term stories and make forever seem real again? Sure. I've been with my spouse for over 7 years. We're in love but even more important (in my humble opinion) we deeply trust each other. Oh, and we really like each other. During our first couple of years we lived 100 miles apart but saw each other most weekends. We found ways to talk as much as possible in between. Most days as soon as I got up I'd read poetry until I found something I wanted to share then I'd type it up and email it first thing. Sometimes the poem would resonate throughout the things we'd say to each other all day. Then we were able to live together. We immediately combined our work and formed a joint business which eventually grew to the entire floor of our office building and employed lots of people. For years we've generally spent 20 hours a day together, working, playing, entertaining, skydiving, base jumping, or having other adventures. We also manage really well when we're apart but love coming together again. A year ago we moved out of the city (and country) we both grew up in. Now we're making a new life together here in Canada. That's the biggest adventure yet! Through all of this we've given each other our best respect, learned from each other, and learned together what neither could teach. We're always friends first and each others' best friend. We're faithful to each other through and through. Keeping each other's trust means showing our weaknesses when necessary, overcoming them sincerely when possible, and celebrating our best qualities always! Seven years isn't forever -- yet. But it's a good start. First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #17 July 3, 2006 QuoteYes, I'm sure in the big picture of life, there are far worse things. But in the individual picture, self mental devaluation can be just as hurtful as a car crash. In some cases...it has led to suicide. You know...."If I wasn't good enough for them...then obviously, I'm not good enough for anyone." But that means you are accepting blame for another person's actions. Does that really make any kind of sense at all? Answer: No. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisL 2 #18 July 3, 2006 Quote Can someone please tell me some happy, long term stories and make forever seem real again? I've been married for...well..seems like forever __ My mighty steed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #19 July 3, 2006 QuoteWho the hell invented "marriage" anyway? Probably some stupid fucker that couldn't get any and figured his chances would improve if he limited everyone else to only 1 partner. Yeah, but then they probably got married and DIDN'T limit it to only one partner. I'm not against marriage. I think it's a great commitment. I'm against the fuckers that cheat and think the marriage should continue. If they can't BE faithful, they shouldn't get married in the first place. In my mind: I DO=1 LOVER.....FOREVERMORE!Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #20 July 3, 2006 QuoteSeven years isn't forever -- yet. But it's a good start. Yes it is! Congrats and thank you. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #21 July 3, 2006 Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!! There are things in life that are *far* worse than being cheated on. Not that being cheated on doesn't hurt, but it's not the end of the world. Quote It's not the end of the world, but it was the end of my marriage.What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites popsjumper 2 #22 July 3, 2006 Quote... Yeah, but then they probably got married and DIDN'T limit it to only one partner. Yeah..that's where the grand plan went wrong.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites NWFlyer 2 #23 July 3, 2006 QuoteMy parents spent most of my life with my mother screaming and hollering at my father, swearing that when we grew up and moved out...she was leaving him. She was a bitchy, unhappy person. (I personally don't know why he put up with it...but I guess he believed in forever). Don't get me wrong ... my mom can be pretty darn bitchy sometimes. I think it helps that they complement each other, though ... my dad is pretty laid-back and tough to get rattled, though on occasion I wish he'd tell her to stuff it sometimes when she's picking on him. But who am I to judge, they've managed to stay together and happy for over 41 years, so it works for them. (Oh, and I edited my post above to add some cute pics of the happy couple.)"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites boinky 0 #24 July 3, 2006 QuoteBut that means you are accepting blame for another person's actions. Does that really make any kind of sense at all? Answer: No. Not the point. Perception is often one's reality. You can't MAKE someone see that it's not their fault if they don't want to. Just like you can't STOP someone from cheating if they want to.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites boinky 0 #25 July 3, 2006 AWWW!!! Yup, my dad was pretty laid back and took a lot of shit off of her. Every now and then, he'd stand up for himself and I'd silently applaud him! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next Page 1 of 7 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
popsjumper 2 #22 July 3, 2006 Quote... Yeah, but then they probably got married and DIDN'T limit it to only one partner. Yeah..that's where the grand plan went wrong.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #23 July 3, 2006 QuoteMy parents spent most of my life with my mother screaming and hollering at my father, swearing that when we grew up and moved out...she was leaving him. She was a bitchy, unhappy person. (I personally don't know why he put up with it...but I guess he believed in forever). Don't get me wrong ... my mom can be pretty darn bitchy sometimes. I think it helps that they complement each other, though ... my dad is pretty laid-back and tough to get rattled, though on occasion I wish he'd tell her to stuff it sometimes when she's picking on him. But who am I to judge, they've managed to stay together and happy for over 41 years, so it works for them. (Oh, and I edited my post above to add some cute pics of the happy couple.)"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #24 July 3, 2006 QuoteBut that means you are accepting blame for another person's actions. Does that really make any kind of sense at all? Answer: No. Not the point. Perception is often one's reality. You can't MAKE someone see that it's not their fault if they don't want to. Just like you can't STOP someone from cheating if they want to.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #25 July 3, 2006 AWWW!!! Yup, my dad was pretty laid back and took a lot of shit off of her. Every now and then, he'd stand up for himself and I'd silently applaud him! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
