What's Forever For Anymore?

[waltappel 1]

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I am not the woman for you on this.

I'd like to hear your thoughts, no matter how bitter and/or cynical.

Walt

[swedishcelt 0]

see new thread

[boinky 0]

I personally think that her new avatar should be the original picture of her under the tree with the bow on.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[boinky 0]

Those were wonderful stories! Thank you.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[boinky 0]

I thank everyone for their short and long term love stories.
I should add that there has been a slight misunderstanding by the masses. I am NOT personally having relationship problems (unless you want to count that 9000 mile apart thing). Our relationship seems to be standing the test of time and distance quite admirably.

It's was just the helplessness I feel for those around me that I care about who don't seem to be able to make forever work that was bothering me.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[SwampThing 0]

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It's was just the helplessness I feel for those around me that I care about who don't seem to be able to make forever work that was bothering me.

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I haven't been married all that long, it just feels like forever.

The Pessimist says: "It can't possibly get any worse!"
The Optimist says: "Sure it can!"

[Muenkel 0]

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Can someone please tell me some happy, long term stories and make forever seem real again?

Here ya go:

My parents: 50 years this past May
My sister Nancy: 26 years on July 12.
My brother Bill: 22 years this past April
My brother Ed: 20 years this past September
My sister Mary Beth: 20 years this past February
My sister Barbara: 12 years this past October
My brother Dave: Will be 4 years in Sept. (He's only 32 and I guess this one doesn't count for longevity)

In each case, it is the first and only marriage for each of my siblings and their spouses.

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[Cokie00 0]

I have a great quote as to why things aren't forever...Women can fake orgasms...Men can fake whole relationships.

*Hope*
Living: The only thing worth dying for.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

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Can someone please tell me some happy, long term stories and make forever seem real again?

Well, since you asked...

And mom and dad just celebrated 34 years in May.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Guest]

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Most of these problems that I see come from one or both spouses putting their own interests above the interests of the spouse.

Does this mean that a man is obliged (expected) to sacrifice his own future (livelihood, career progress, etc.) for the sake of another person, no matter what? Or is there balance?

Sometimes, circumstances can mean that there is no way to compromise. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Here was my situation last Winter:

1. You either take the take the job in Kosovo, or you lose your house.

2. But if you take the job in Kosovo, you will lose your spouse.

After months of agonizing, I took what was behind Door # 1.

Fortunately, I still have both house and spouse (bless her heart, she was willing to compromise). But what about next time a hard decision like that has to be made? And what if I had compromised instead of her?

We would have been foreclosed by now, but that's okay, because, well, we still have each other...

But I don't like to lose what little I have, and worked so very hard to earn.

That's not the game I play.

mh

edit for grammar and sytax

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[PLFXpert 0]

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the situation where a spouse is mentally and/or physically incapacitated and the conflict between love and devotion and fidelity arose.

That's the problem I have. B/c a spouse, a love, becomes incapacitated one would potentially feel conflict between love & fidelity? That is absolutely saying sex is valued higher than love if one is in a committed relationship and would have conflict in this situation due to the circumstances.

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I don't think I have it in me to condemn someone who, faced with that situation, had sex outside of the marriage but stayed devoted to their disable spouse in every other way.

I wouldn't condemn them, either. As I previously mentioned, to each their own. But, what are you saying is "devoted except for this one thing..." I disagree with there being exceptions, even in your given situation example.

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I don't think that means I value love less than sex. If anything, I think it means that I see the possibility of there being a separation of sex and love and an unequal priority between the two in that scenario. I have no idea how I would react and I hope I'm never faced with that.

I wouldn't presume to know the order of your values and how much worth you give to each. I just said it certainly sounds as though you value sex higher than love.

Of course sex and love CAN be separate and often are---far more often than not.

I happen to believe it's a beautiful, far more enjoyable thing when they go hand-in-hand in a relationship. And b/c I've shared that with Billy, if God forbid he became disabled, incapacitated, or otherwise, imo it would absoltuely be a betrayal to him if I then deemed it OK to have sex outside the marriage. It makes no sense to me why it would then become OK. If it then becomes OK it's saying that sex is a requirement by both parties to fulfill in a marriage. And it just isn't.

In the situation you described, it sounds more to me the person still loves their disabled partner very much, but is no longer in love with that person. It happens.

And whether the disabled person admits it or not, it would hurt anyone, in any situation, if they were in love with someone to know that person was being sexually pleasured by someone else. The idea of me ever hurting Billy in any way makes me sick to my stomach. Even if I wanted to do it, I would not/could not do so. And for what? I know there is no one who has, or will love me more than Billy loves me. I would never risk loosing that and I would never take advantage of knowing that. It's cheap to me to think there is a situation in which one would say "Oh, well in that case. I can see how it'd be OK".



To each their own. I have friends that do things I don't agree with all the time and vice versa. They're still my friends and I still love them.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[boinky 0]

Those are GREAT!
Obviously, there were some great family values taught in your house when you were growing up!

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[boinky 0]

All I can say is,

"OUCH!"

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[boinky 0]

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Well, since you asked...

And mom and dad just celebrated 34 years in May.

[B][BLUE]YAY!!! for all of you!

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[tbrown 26]

And mom and dad just celebrated 34 years in May.

[boinky 0]

WOW! 51 years! That's pretty amazing.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[boinky 0]

Unfortunately, I understand people growing apart, but I still feel that sort of thing can be worked out with enough love and patience. Your SO is supposed to be your best friend. The lines of communication should be so strong that you can talk about anything and with a little give/take on both sides...a better relationship should be formed.

I don't get cheating, though. If you feel the undying need to have sex with someone else, it's time to get out...before there is serious hurt caused. But I guess that is part of my original complaint. Once you agree on a lifetime partner, shouldn't you have the strength to resist those urges? Is random sex worth breaking a promise to someone?

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[Icon134 0]

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Once you agree on a lifetime partner, shouldn't you have the strength to resist those urges?

Yes... you should...

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Is random sex worth breaking a promise to someone?

I'm gonna go with No for "The House" Alex...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[boinky 0]

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In Reply To
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Is random sex worth breaking a promise to someone?
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I'm gonna go with No for $200 Alex...

[Icon134 0]

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$20,000....at bare minimum!

Good point... see my edit...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[boinky 0]

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[slug 1]

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Can someone please tell me some happy, long term stories and make forever seem real again?

Well, since you asked...

And mom and dad just celebrated 34 years in May.

34 yr's congrats

Wait a minute we're going on 32 yr's. That means We're old. But we're happy

On a more serious note I can tell you from personel experience that being involved in a women dominated sport (jumping) and having all those hard body tall women hitting on me at the DZ was a test of the strength of our marriage. But we stayed strong, prayed and here we are.

"I wear the pants in my family" the boss picks them out for me and tells me which one to wear.

Got to go take a nap
R.I.P.

[bloody_trauma 2]

now granted my wife and I have only been married for 4 years, and known each other for 10, but even before we were married we made a promise to each other that no matter what happened we would make our marriage work, you might say to yourself well thats only as good as the words that come out of your mouth, but its something that we both take seriously, I'm not saying that we havent had our rough patches but everytime i wanted to do something stupid I think about how much the woman i married is worth to me, when i think about it I can't imagine being with anyone else, perhaps if the institution of marriage was just that, an institution... like say... the military? marriages would last alot longer, society has taken marriage and turned it into a farse, in other cultures if you are disloyal to your mate there are consequenses and reprocussions, and thats how it should be, i don't see how it came about that people could get out of binding contracts so easily these days, if i were a judge i'd prolly be the worst one to get in divorse court, you made your bed and you should sleep in it, and especially if you have kids for a person to something so childish as to shrug off your
responsibilities

Fly it like you stole it

[yamtx73 0]

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My question is...What the hell happened to "forever?"

Nothing is forever...

The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers...

[bloody_trauma 2]

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the situation where a spouse is mentally and/or physically incapacitated and the conflict between love and devotion and fidelity arose

Whne i was here in iraq last time i treated a SFC who recieved extensive trauma to his brain during an IED attack, he is now incapable of caring entirely for himself without a great deal of help, as he also had and amputation of one of his arms and on the other hand he had 3 fingers missing, well anyways when his wife got his personal effects while he was still in recovery she found some letters to another woman and found that he had been cheating on her either with someone in theater or out i do not know but the point is she divorced him and his mother and sister are now his caretakers, and thats where those vows really hit nome with me, they are not said for aesthetic pleasure, they really mean something to me, and i cant be more stern when i say that .when i said better or worse richer or poorer sickness and health. if i am disabled i need someone other than the state to take care of me

Fly it like you stole it