Do you hold a grudge?

[PLFXpert 0]

I can't seem to.

The brain is a fascinating thing to me and I believe some people have a more natural tendency to that others....but I can't seem to.

I naturally always want to forgive. But, I also always express my feelings on something. I will not be disrepected or mistreated and not stand up for myself and make my point clear. But, give me a while (sometimes and minute, sometimes maybe a year in extreme cases) and I'll be back to joking with and befriending anyone who did.

I've been through some things, as everyone has, and was always able to pick myself up and move past it. There are only two times in my life I did not---once was not a hatred or grudge toward the offending person, but a personal depression for about a year. The other I spent very angry and hurt. When I was so angry during this time toward the person, I was always stressed and preoccupied with my ill feelings.

For me, it just feels so much better to let go of those feelings and move on---with or without that person---but for me it's usually with as I'm not easily hurt or offended so it usually takes someone I care about to do so.

Anywho......do you hold a grudge? If so why?

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

"I've been through some things, as everyone has, and was always able to pick myself up and move past it."

Me too, though the person that screwed me, I had better not see or meet in a dark alley because I will open a can of whoop ass.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[bbarnhouse 0]

Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it.
Life is just too damn short.

[PLFXpert 0]

You know, I think sometimes I see the person in the first case I mentioned and for a moment I get this sick feeling in my stomach like I want to puke.

My hunny is one of only two people in the world who know about this person and I happened to be in the car with him once when I could have sworn I saw this man on a bicycle. I was singing along with the radio and stopped and must have had this sickening look on my face b/c my hunny got scared and asked what was wrong. My hunny then joked he would get out and beat him down if it'd make me feel better. I think he knew that it wouldn't and it made me laugh the way he said it....and then I finished singing the song

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

I don't know if it is really holding a grudge against this particular person, but he is not my favorite person in the world...is it a bad thing that Karma came and bit him in the ass and I got great joy from it?
Knowing that, my feelings for him have some what died down.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[PLFXpert 0]

Is it too late to go back and edit everything else out I said and just post that?

My point was having a recent conversation with a friend, who said she doesn't know anyone like me--so strong-minded/opinionated and yet so forgiving. She asked me how I do it. I didn't really have an answer---it just comes naturally. I don't like being upset at anyone.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[PLFXpert 0]

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Karma came and bit him in the ass and I got great joy from it?

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[micro 0]

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Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it.

THAT is probably the best analogy I have yet to hear! Where ever did you find that quote? That is PERFECT!!!!!!

I miss Lee.
And JP.
And Chris. And...

[bbarnhouse 0]

I just figure that if you hold ill feelings, they only affect you.
You own them the other person does not. In truth they are probably oblivious anyway
I am glad that you have a forgiving nature. Much easier to get through life that way

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

"I just figure that if you hold ill feelings, they only affect you"

Unless you believe/practice Voodoo.



J/T

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[tumbler 0]

I suppose I hold a grudge... but I think it more apt to say I learn from those things and do my best to stay away from those situations.

I had a very close friend screw me over. He isnt my friend anymore despite the time that has past. I also am leary of getting back into a position of letting it happen again like that. I guess if holding onto the past and learning from it so as not to repeat it is holding a grudge then I am guilty.

[sartre 0]

Forgiving is really for yourself; as has been better stated, holding a grudge only hurts you.

That said, I recall a saying that goes something like this: Forgive a thief, but guard your camel.

[PLFXpert 0]

You figure as I do---only I was inclinded to forgive before I realized that---it wasn't until the second instance I mentioned that upon reflection I reazlied exactly what you said just said

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[kbordson 8]

What is a "grudge" and what is justified to remember?
I have and still do remember some who caused great pain in my life.... but that is more a reflection on the severity what was done.

I still dislike my ex-brother in law VERY MUCH and will not forgive him of the physical and emotional abuse done to my sister and my wonderful nephew. I am hopeful that he will someday change and be a postive influence in his son's life... but I am also realistic and feel sorrow for the pain that my nephew has to work through.

I will NEVER be in a room with the one who did inappropiate things to a niave 12 year old.

But minor slights/insults.... life is too short. It's more important to move past resentment and realize the happiness and joy in the moment. Bitterness is ok in lemonaide... but not in the heart.
Karen

[ImGunnaJump 0]

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***Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it.

THAT is probably the best analogy I have yet to hear! Where ever did you find that quote? That is PERFECT!!!!!!

I couldn't agree more w/ both of you...that quote should have been in Jennr8r's thread yesterday or the day before...she had one going w/people contributing their fav's - this is my new fav!

I should also add it's my new favorite because sometimes I do hold on to things longer that I shouldn't waste energy on. Not over small stuff like "you didn't invite me to your party!", but a few years ago there was one person at work who felt I was a threat. Long story short, this person set out to take me down. Boy, did I ever get a lesson in how determined and vicious someone can be.

And for a long time whenever I thought of this person, I fumed inside...time has lessoned the anger but I still couldn't quite free myself of it until I saw that quote and a light bulb went off and I found the path - thank you!

"...I've learned that while the "needs" in life are important (food, water, shelter), it's the "wants" in life (ice cream, chocolate, sex) that make it worth the effort." Kbordson

[d_squared431 0]

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I don't hold grudges. I usually just end any type of relationship with the person. We expect a person to make the right decisions and act a certain way and when they do a 180 degree turn and do the opposite then what we would have expected them to do we get pissed off at then. Sometimes that turns to anger and grudges.It takes too much energy to let a situation go this far. Why waste your time on something so petty when you can be be focusing your attention on something else that makes you happy.

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[Andy_Copland 0]

No, if i held grudges or believed in an eye for an eye there would be someone in intensive care or worse, i went through a lot of hospital time, 7 ops for what someone done to me, purposely.

Holding a grudge and wanting revenge got me no where and kept me looking back instead of focusing on going forward. I dont mean forgive but its a huge step to be able to say "fuck it, im better than this"

Cut all contact and move on.

1338

People aint made of nothin' but water and shit.

Until morale improves, the beatings will continue.

[MaalStar 0]

No just my Penis.

[Icon134 0]

Nope...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[PLFXpert 0]

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I will NEVER be in a room with the one who did inappropiate things to a niave 12 year old.

Karen, I have spent many years trying to understand child molesters and the root of this evil. Unfortunately many, if not most, were abused themselves and it's an awful, evil spiral.

I completely sympathize with your feelings on this particular matter. While I certainly wouldn't put a child alone in that room (that's just common sense, not a grudge), I believe in myself that I could be alone in that room if I had to.

We'd have to take that to SC to discuss further and I make it a point never to go there

In general I'm royally impatient---with three exceptions: children, animals and elderly. Many causes I support and volunteer for involve one or more of those three. I ESPECIALLY follow the laws on child abuse and child molestation (and molestation/rape in general) and continue to attempt to reform them to be far more effective in prevention.

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[morningdove831 0]

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Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it.
Life is just too damn short.

This is so true! I choose to forgive and move on with my life. Life is too short to waste it by hating other people and holding on to the wrongs that have been done to us. I choose to focus on the good things in my life and let go of the bad. It's the only way to enjoy every minute I'm alive. Holding a grudge doesn't harm the other person; it only harms the one who chooses to hang on to it. Forgiveness liberates the soul.

One who looks for a friend without faults will have none. -- Hasidic Saying

[skydiver51 0]

I find it very hard to hold a grudge with out wearing leather gloves. They can get evry hot and burn your hands.

I know i'm

[Richards 0]

I try to avoid wasting good energy holding a grudge, particularly since sitting there obsessing over how angry I am at the person only serves to make me bitter while this person goes on with his/her life. That said I do not ever forget what the person did. The reason for that is I find that people who backstab me have this irritating tendency to start buddying up with me after some time has passed as though they think they can still get something out of me. While I do not seek revenge, I will not likely ever trust the person again, regardless of how much time has passed or how nice they are acting now, because people like that rarely ever change.

Richards

My biggest handicap is that sometimes the hole in the front of my head operates a tad bit faster than the grey matter contained within.

[Dolph 0]

Yes I do. If people intentionally mess with me, I hold a grudge. It's conditional though, depending on circumstances and severity.

I keep it latent and let it spring when opportunity arises, should the other part not had done something to redeem him or herself. Because to every action there is a consequence and some people need this taught the hard way.

The best way to teach an asshole to behave is not always to turn the other cheek. They need to be kicked like the dogs they are when Opportunity arrives. Or one can get the feeling of being smugly morally superior by doing nothing harmful even though the perfect chance to get even has shown itself.

It'd be unwise to count on the latter though.

[Chrissie 0]

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Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it.

Words of wisdom! couldn't agree more!

I must say it is not my nature to be forgiving, but I do try not to 'hold a grudge' - normally by diverting attention to something else if possible. To me time is the best cure - whatever negative feelings tend to fade, if not gone entirely.

But the hardest I find is to forgive myself for stupid things I have done/said in the past...

keep jumping ... Chrissie
where women roar and men thunder