Male guide to the female point system

[Peej 0]

I hate that this is true...

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow(0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing(0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy(-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night(-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8,000)

ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
[Yes, you lose points no matter what]

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10,000)

Now what chance do you have?

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[Callie 0]

[popsjumper 2]

I'm not even going to try to tally my score...a number line does not go that far in the negative direction...

You offer to do the wash (+10)
You use the right detergent (+10)
You put in her slacks and blouses (+10)
The slacks are white and the blouses are red (-500)

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Peej 0]

Quote

I'm not even going to try to tally my score...a number line does not go that far in the negative direction...

You offer to do the wash (+10)
You use the right detergent (+10)
You put in her slacks and blouses (+10)
The slacks are white and the blouses are red (-500)

That had me Rolling dude!

Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky

[Peej 0]

Ah ha, so even the women can see the truth in it!

Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky

[Judit 0]

fantastic!

Take risks not to escape life but to prevent life from escaping

[lawrocket 3]

edited for some important amendments:

Quote

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You exercise to get rid of the potbelly (+10)
You actually get rid of the pot belly (+50)
Oops! She dieted, too, and her attempt to lose weight was not as successful as yours (-10,000, and you're gonna pay a lot more, dude!!!)
You deny her new allegation that you've only lost your potbelly to impress a new girlfriend (0)
When asked repeatedly, you continue to deny that you lost your potbelly because you want to impress a new girlfriend (-15 per denial)
You re-develop a noticeable potbelly to prove your denial. (-50)
You deny her allegations that you've re-grown your pot-belly because your new girlfriend left you. (-100)
You deny that you don't love her enough to look physically attractive to her as she points out your pot-belly. (-100)
You resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8,000)

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[windcatcher 0]

I like that one!!!

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[chaoskitty 0]

Kitty's revision:


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (who cares.. just going to mess it up again soon anyway!)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (+20)
The beer is Shiner Bock (+50)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (-1) (you dont own me, go mingle)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (+2)
Named Tina (-0) (I can still see you)
Tina is a dancer (-0) (good for Tina)
Tina has silicon implants (-0) (they still wouldnt compare to mine)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+5)
Everything below depends on what season it is and who is playing. My birthday is during baseball season and not the World Series.. so I'll leave the point spread alone.
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night(-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15) huh??

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8,000) hahahaa!!

[skymama 37]

I sent this to one of my male friends and he came up with this one from his point of view:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You wake up and roll over to kiss me (+1)
You don't provide breakfast in bed (-1)
You provide breakfast in bed (0)
It is eggs, hash browns, bacon, juice and coffee (+10)
It is cold cereal (-1)
You iron my shirt (0)
You leave wrinkles (-1)
You over starch the collar (-5)
You complain about it (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You dress like your grandmother (-10)
You cling to my arm (-5)
You roll your eyes at my friends (0)
You sigh heavily while doing it (-5)
You drink too much (-15)
You ask if we can go soon (-20)
To be naughty (+50)
But argue on the way home (-10)
And then you fall asleep first (-100)

MY BIRTHDAY
You sing Happy Birthday to me (0)
Wearing only a smile (+10)
You tell me you're the luckiest girl in the world (0)
And mean it (+25)
You ask what I would like to do on my day (+10)
You take me out to dinner (0)
You have a six calorie appetizer (+25)
To my favorite restaurant (+20)
To your favorite restaurant (-5)

A NIGHT OUT
You see an ex-boyfriend (0)
You start up a conversation with him (-5)
You introduce me as, "Oh, by the way, this is..." (-50)
He's better looking than me (-100)
He's more successful than me (-250)
He's smarter than me (-500)
You share a giggle over some inside joke (-1,000)
You smile radiantly and say, "We should keep in touch." (-10,001)
You say I'm a better lover than he was (0)
In front of him (+5,000)
And mean it (+5,000)
We see my ex-wife (0)
You ignore her (+100)
She won't ignore you (0)
You smile and then punch her in the head (+1,000)
And kick her while she's down (+5,000)
Then backhand her boyfriend (+100)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
Your belly is bigger than mine (-1)
Needs work (0)
Needs a LOT of work (-100)
Your body is athletic (+100)
Athletic like a Sumo wrestler (-1,000)

COMMUNICATION
You say, "We need to talk." (0)
You talk (-10)
Incessantly (-20)
You ask the same questions over and over (-30)
And whine while doing it (-40)
You doubt my ability to watch TV and listen to you (-50)
You pout like a child (-60)
You give me the silent treatment (+10)
And don't sigh while doing it (+20)
Or slam anything (+30)
Even mad, you ask me to come to bed with you (+40)
And cuddle up next to me (+50)
And whisper you're "not tired" (+60)
And show me how "not tired" you are (+70)
Twice (+100)
Three times (+500)

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Peej 0]

Marry me!

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[psipike02 0]

This was hilarious....I read it to my roommates and they were rolling on the floor..

and Kitty, you're the woman of my dreams

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----

[SarahC07 0]

THAT was great.

[adventurechick 0]

Hmm... this could be fun.....

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (-5) - Yes, I need space.
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (+5) Good for you, I'm glad to know you have friends.
Named Tina (0) Who cares, I'm talking to other guys over there.
Tina is a dancer (-6) Then we should have a dance off.... if we tie, he gets both of us.
Tina has silicon implants (0)-- Who needs fake when I have the ass....

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You ask me where I want to go and I tell you to surprise me (+2)
You pull up to Burger King (-874385232783749837,,,0000)
You order from the .99 menu (-200000)
You "celebrate" by sitting at home, eating fast food, and you begging to get some (-9999999999999999)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You bring your roommate (-5)
You pay for his ticket and not mine (-30)
You pick "Devil's Rejects" (-200)
He holds your hand in the movie (+10)
He ends up hooking up with his roommate later that night (-1000)

PMS #449 TPM #80 Muff Brother #3860
SCR #14705 Dirty Sanchez #233

[downwardspiral 0]

Quote

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You bring your roommate (-5)
You pay for his ticket and not mine (-30)
You pick "Devil's Rejects" (-200)
He holds your hand in the movie (+10)
He ends up hooking up with his roommate later that night (-1000)

What the hell kind of nimrods are you dating?!?

www.FourWheelerHB.com

[adventurechick 0]

**sigh** UCF college guys... the stories could go on and on....

PMS #449 TPM #80 Muff Brother #3860
SCR #14705 Dirty Sanchez #233

[Thanatos340 1]

A Male Guide for Females:

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by his side the entire party (-5) - A man has to have some room.
You stay by his side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (+5) Good for you, A man needs some Room.
Named Tina (+10) Who cares, I'm talking to other girls over there.
Tina is a dancer (+50)
Tina has silicon implants (+0) - Silicone is not as much fun to play with.
You talk Tina into coming home for a 3 -some with us (+1,000,000)

HIS BIRTHDAY
You take Him out to dinner (0)
You cook dinner for him (+100)
You bring Him a Sammich (+50)
And a Beer (+100)
And then give him a BJ (+1000)

A NIGHT OUT
You go to a movie (+0)
You bring your roommate (+10 points for every point over 7 she is on the Hottie Scale, -10 for every point below)
You pick "Devil's Rejects" (+100)
You holds his hand in the movie (-10)
You hold his penis during the movie (+500)
In your mouth (+10,000)
He ends up hooking up with you and your roommate later that night (+10,000)

[adventurechick 0]

hahahha i like it

PMS #449 TPM #80 Muff Brother #3860
SCR #14705 Dirty Sanchez #233