GiaKrembs 0 #1 April 18, 2006 Funny for today... "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." Lynn Lavner "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia "Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor) "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams "It's been so long since I've had sex; I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan Rivers "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Elmo Phillips Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." George Burns g Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother Beth lost her cherry and I missed it .... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #2 April 19, 2006 ***"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams QuoteBWAAAHAAAAA!!!! So true!"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TypicalFish 0 #3 April 19, 2006 Damn it... I opened this hoping for some sort of "balloon knot" reference... That term still makes me laugh out loud. "I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites wildcard451 0 #4 April 19, 2006 QuoteDamn it... I opened this hoping for some sort of "balloon knot" reference... That term still makes me laugh out loud. That term is priceless. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites turtlespeed 221 #5 April 19, 2006 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde But at least with the former you have a better chance of getting laid.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites diablopilot 2 #6 April 20, 2006 Nothing to do?---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites peanutt 0 #7 April 20, 2006 sex is like math. add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don't multiply. found in a text on my cell phone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites pgjoh1 0 #8 April 20, 2006 I found this amusing...... The Rules of Bedroom Golf: 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case. 10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. 11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course. 12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole. 13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside. 14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request. 15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match. Pete Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites owellynot 0 #9 April 20, 2006 jesus! now that is some funny shit!!! I'm going to make a great third wife for my first husband.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
TypicalFish 0 #3 April 19, 2006 Damn it... I opened this hoping for some sort of "balloon knot" reference... That term still makes me laugh out loud. "I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #4 April 19, 2006 QuoteDamn it... I opened this hoping for some sort of "balloon knot" reference... That term still makes me laugh out loud. That term is priceless. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 221 #5 April 19, 2006 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde But at least with the former you have a better chance of getting laid.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #6 April 20, 2006 Nothing to do?---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peanutt 0 #7 April 20, 2006 sex is like math. add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don't multiply. found in a text on my cell phone Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pgjoh1 0 #8 April 20, 2006 I found this amusing...... The Rules of Bedroom Golf: 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case. 10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. 11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course. 12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole. 13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside. 14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request. 15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match. Pete Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
owellynot 0 #9 April 20, 2006 jesus! now that is some funny shit!!! I'm going to make a great third wife for my first husband.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
