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boinky

How To Get Fired

By boinky, in The Bonfire

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boinky    0

boinky
I swear to you, I actually found this as an article.

P.S. If you came here looking for advice on how to stay employed, just do the opposite of everything I tell you here.

Arrive late for work
Being on time is for wimps. Drag yourself out of bed whenever you feel like it. Stop to run an errand on your way to the office.

Don't forget the coffee
No not for your boss -- for yourself! You're already late so why not stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work? Don't forget to get a muffin or a roll too (crumbs on your tie look really good).

Eat at your desk
I mean your coffee and roll, not your lunch silly. Why would you want to work through lunch anyway? And take your time — you're in no hurry to start working.

Take a long lunch
An hour for lunch? Are they nuts? That can't possibly be enough time to get together with an old friend and run a few more errands.

Have a drink
What's lunch without a couple of beers? It'll relax you. So what if you smell like a brewery?

Make personal phone calls
If you can't make your phone calls from the office, when else will you find the time? Don't make those calls short and sweet -- chat away.

Speaking of chatting...
Let's not forget about the good old Net. You can go into a chat room any time of day, so why waste your precious personal time.

Send lots of email
Use those eight hours at work to take care of all that personal email. Oh and don't forget to use your work email address.

Download, download, download...
Your connection is much faster at work than on your home pc. And besides, there are some things you wouldn't want your significant other to see.

Make the customers/clients really mad
There are several ways to do this. If you deal with customers in person, ignore them while you talk to your co-workers. Don't have answers to their questions. If most of your contact is by phone, keep yours busy so clients can't get through. If they bother to leave a message, don't return their phone calls.

Don't ever go beyond your job description
Even when a project is down to the wire and your help is desperately needed, just remember: "It's not your job."

Leave work early
Who made that five o'clock rule anyway? If you leave 15 minutes early think of how much you can get done before dinner.

Party hardy
Nights are made for partying. Don't worry — you can sleep late tomorrow. After all, you do plan to get to work late, don't you?
Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

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boinky    0

boinky
Maybe...maybe not. ;)

I'm working at a dz as a manifester. If I get fired, how will you all know what the winds are, get on those airplanes in a orderly fashion, get found if you land off, buy cool gear and get food, etc., etc., etc.?

BTW...have you told YOUR manifester how much you appreciate them lately?:)
Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

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boinky    0

boinky
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Nah... I know guys that do most all of those things all the time and nothing happens to them...

Hmmm...really? Can I come and work with YOU then? ;)
Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

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unformed    0

unformed
I did everything, and more, and I got a raise.

Here is what I did, trying to get fired, until I just got fed up with it and quit.

1. Went into work around 10am. (Everybody else is there at 8.)
2. Went into work hungover. (Everyone else is fully rested.)
3. Wore flipflops, dirty jeans, and a tshirt. (Everyone else is well dressed.)
4. Stopped checking my email for meetings. (Told them if they want me to do something, to come tell me as I wasn't going to bother with emails anymore.)
5. Stopped going to meetings. It was quite convenient to miss them since I didn't know when it was and I was never around for someone to tell me.
6. Started playing backgammon and scrabble online to kill time.
7. Took 2-3 hour lunches.
8. Left work at 4pm to go the beach. (Everyone else stayed til 5 or 6.)

Finally, when they still wouldn't fire me, I stopped going to work on Fridays so I could go jump.

I got a raise.

So I quit.
This ad space for sale.

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MrBounce    0

MrBounce
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I did everything, and more, and I got a raise.

[...]

Finally, when they still wouldn't fire me, I stopped going to work on Fridays so I could go jump.

I got a raise.

So I quit.




I WANT THAT JOB!!!!!

lol

:)

Gavin

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If you don't take it out and use it, its going to rust.

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