hozomeen 0 #1 March 13, 2006 Is it bad form to come to a friend's wedding without my husband, if our excuse is "he doesn't want to come"? I am a bridesmaid at the May wedding of a relatively close college girlfriend. My husband has never attended any of her parties or gatherings with me, both because he isn't interested and because he is uncomfortable in crowds. She has hinted at disappointment (or maybe disapproval) that I don't force him to come, but we don't subscribe to making appearances for the sake of appearing as a couple. Now I am wondering if I should bring him to the wedding. He says he will come if I want him to, but I am concerned that he will be bored or worse. On the other hand I don't want to offend my friend. Any advice? I'm too laid back to put myself in her high maintenance shoes! "My husband's the jumper - I just love to watch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #2 March 13, 2006 I don't know if I would call it 'bad form', but why doesn't he go because it is important to your friend? If that doesn't work, tell him how hot you think all the ushers are. Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #3 March 13, 2006 QuoteIs it bad form to come to a friend's wedding without my husband, if our excuse is "he doesn't want to come"? I am a bridesmaid at the May wedding of a relatively close college girlfriend. My husband has never attended any of her parties or gatherings with me, both because he isn't interested and because he is uncomfortable in crowds. She has hinted at disappointment (or maybe disapproval) that I don't force him to come, but we don't subscribe to making appearances for the sake of appearing as a couple. Now I am wondering if I should bring him to the wedding. He says he will come if I want him to, but I am concerned that he will be bored or worse. On the other hand I don't want to offend my friend. Any advice? I'm too laid back to put myself in her high maintenance shoes! You are a bridesmaid. Technically your date is the groomsman being assigned to you. Now should he come. I would say he should. if there is an open bar he may be able to bag a bridesmaid Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ViperPilot 0 #4 March 13, 2006 If there's good food and shitloads of booze, why wouldn't he go? Might as well take advantage of that! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RandomLemming 0 #5 March 13, 2006 Sorry, I can't offer any advice on this. The only thing I am aware of with regards to wedding etiquette is that it is frowned upon to try and hit on the bride / groom. Beyond that, I never could work it out :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #6 March 13, 2006 QuoteIf there's good food and shitloads of booze, why wouldn't he go? Might as well take advantage of that! Wearing a suit is a high price to pay to get those goods. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Orange1 0 #7 March 13, 2006 Quote My husband has never attended any of her parties or gatherings with me, both because he isn't interested and because he is uncomfortable in crowds. She has hinted at disappointment (or maybe disapproval) that I don't force him to come, So your husband doesn't really know her even though she is a good friend of yours, because he never joins you? Why "isn't he interested"? .... ya know, I would probably also feel a bit hurt with this situation if I was your friend. Not sure what "etiquette" is but I do kinda feel many women look at their wedding day as something that should be perfect. If she really is a good friend and it means that much to her, I think you should twist his arm to go. It's only a few hours out of his life after all. & what do you mean by "worse" than bored???Skydiving: wasting fossil fuels just for fun. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,326 #8 March 13, 2006 Look, he don't got to do all the parties, but this is a wedding and worth sucking it up for one day. Jesus. Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #9 March 13, 2006 QuoteIs it bad form to come to a friend's wedding without my husband, if our excuse is "he doesn't want to come"? I am a bridesmaid at the May wedding of a relatively close college girlfriend. My husband has never attended any of her parties or gatherings with me, both because he isn't interested and because he is uncomfortable in crowds. She has hinted at disappointment (or maybe disapproval) that I don't force him to come, but we don't subscribe to making appearances for the sake of appearing as a couple. Now I am wondering if I should bring him to the wedding. He says he will come if I want him to, but I am concerned that he will be bored or worse. On the other hand I don't want to offend my friend. Any advice? I'm too laid back to put myself in her high maintenance shoes! I don't think anyone has mentioned this so far but the fact that you are even considering letting him out of it should make you near and dear to nearly every man's heart!!!The fact is that he's incredibly lucky to have a woman with your attitude in his life so you could make him go and he'll still have a great deal. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JENNR8R 0 #10 March 13, 2006 Quote I am wondering if I should bring him to the wedding. He says he will come if I want him to, but I am concerned that he will be bored or worse. Voice of experience here... Don't bring him. He'll ruin your fun. You'll spend the whole wedding worrying about him when you should be enjoying the festivities. It's really no fun at all being with someone who is forced to do something. They become really passive aggressive. Explain to the bride that you would rather have your mind on supporting her and not on worrying about him. It should be all about her, not him.What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones? -- Monday. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveStMarys 0 #11 March 13, 2006 "I don't know if I would call it 'bad form', but why doesn't he go because it is important to your friend" OR better yet...why doesn't he come because its IMPORTANT TO YOU!!?? I'd be a little miffed....this time. BobbiA miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RhondaLea 4 #12 March 13, 2006 If your husband doesn't want to go, and you don't mind, there's no problem. She's your friend, not his. And putting pressure on you to force your husband to do something he doesn't want to do (especially when your concern is for his comfort) isn't very friendly. It would be a different matter if you were hellbent on making your husband go, but if you're comfortable with his absence, then it's fine for him to stay home. Etiquette dictates that husbands and wives who attend functions together only spend time together in the coming and going, not at the function. The social obligation is to mingle, not to remain joined at the hip. And your additional duties as bridesmaid will preclude you from spending much time with him anyway. rlIf you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #13 March 13, 2006 If you were just going to the wedding as a guest, I'd say that your husband should go with you. Since you are a bridesmaid and have duties to do for the bride, I think it is ok for him to stay home as long as you are fine with it. Tell your husband that if he doesn't go to the wedding, then he has to at least invite the couple into his home for dinner, a bbq or something similar. As far as smoothing things over with your friend, tell her your husband isn't coming so you can devote all of your time to her and then tell her that you would like to invite them over once they get settled.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD126r 0 #14 March 13, 2006 I don't want anyone in my wedding that doesn't want to be there. If your husband don't want to go, then what's the use in him being there? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #15 March 13, 2006 I don't think I would force him to go... I agree that the only thing it will do is upset him and subsiquently upset you.Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #16 March 13, 2006 He shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hozomeen 0 #17 March 13, 2006 Thank you all for excellent advice - I appreciate hearing both sides. By "bored or worse" I mean that he is not a people person, and says what is on his mind, so there is a chance that if my friend's wealthy-snob parents say the wrong thing to him, he would tell them off ;-) (I would find it hilarious) One other thing is that he doesn't drink, so we can't take your advice to let him "bag a bridesmaid" (too bad, eh?). The thing to do is probably to just ask her opinion. I'll keep y'all posted."My husband's the jumper - I just love to watch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallinWoman 1 #18 March 13, 2006 Why on earth would your friend care that he is there? It does not sound like they are close, and there will be plenty of people there who she is close to. Leave the poor man at home and go have a good time. You will be able to pay attention to your friend and not have to worry about your husband. ~Anne I'm a Doll!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallinWoman 1 #19 March 13, 2006 I am a little bothered that this woman is getting married and has the idea that a wife should "force" her husband to do anything. Who is she to "disapprove" of you not forcing your husband to do something he doesn't want to? ~Anne I'm a Doll!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ROK 0 #20 March 13, 2006 QuoteIf your husband doesn't want to go, and you don't mind, there's no problem. She's your friend, not his. And putting pressure on you to force your husband to do something he doesn't want to do (especially when your concern is for his comfort) isn't very friendly. It would be a different matter if you were hellbent on making your husband go, but if you're comfortable with his absence, then it's fine for him to stay home. Etiquette dictates that husbands and wives who attend functions together only spend time together in the coming and going, not at the function. The social obligation is to mingle, not to remain joined at the hip. And your additional duties as bridesmaid will preclude you from spending much time with him anyway. rl I'm printing this out to give to my wife! I really get sick of being led around on a leash. I don't mind doing the "couple thing", but there has to be a line somewhere... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 221 #21 March 13, 2006 QuoteIs it bad form to come to a friend's wedding without my husband, if our excuse is "he doesn't want to come"? I am a bridesmaid at the May wedding of a relatively close college girlfriend. My husband has never attended any of her parties or gatherings with me, both because he isn't interested and because he is uncomfortable in crowds. She has hinted at disappointment (or maybe disapproval) that I don't force him to come, but we don't subscribe to making appearances for the sake of appearing as a couple. Now I am wondering if I should bring him to the wedding. He says he will come if I want him to, but I am concerned that he will be bored or worse. On the other hand I don't want to offend my friend. Any advice? I'm too laid back to put myself in her high maintenance shoes! No, go - just use the phrase"He had a previous engagement"I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #22 March 13, 2006 Quote I'm printing this out to give to my wife! I really get sick of being led around on a leash. I don't mind doing the "couple thing", but there has to be a line somewhere... I am truly impressed with the ladies attitudes here!!!Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chaoskitty 0 #23 March 13, 2006 I used to date a guy who was very uncomfortable in social situations. At first I took it personally when he wouldn't be my date to functions such as weddings and dinner with friends. I soon realized thats just who he is, take him or leave him. Not worth the hurt feelings or fighting about it. He was simply a social retard. I agree with most of the opinions here. It doesnt sound like its terribly important to you that your husband be your date to this wedding. It sounds like you are more concerned what your friend thinks. I can 100% guarantee that on her wedding day, the LAST thing she will care about is your date. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #24 March 13, 2006 Quote Not sure what "etiquette" is but I do kinda feel many women look at their wedding day as something that should be perfect. If she really is a good friend and it means that much to her, I think you should twist his arm to go. It's only a few hours out of his life after all. A few hours out of my life is signficant, especially if I'm miserable during them. I've been to a total of six weddings in my life, four involved my family, one was a girlfriend's sister, and one was a friend of mine. If I had it to do over, I would only attend two of the six (my sister's and my friend's). I sympathize with the guy in this case. Me no like weddings, especially if I'm not close to the bride or the groom. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hozomeen 0 #25 March 13, 2006 You're right - I hate the idea of dragging him along just to appear as a couple, then leave him to fend for himself among my friend's parents' rich friends, and stand by the wall waiting for it to be over. I hate being in that position myself, especially if I don't know anyone at the ceremony or reception. Neither of us are very active socially and my friend knows this. The fact that he's willing to suffer for me is more than enough for me to be willing to let him skip the wedding and go to the DZ instead."My husband's the jumper - I just love to watch!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
