ryno1972 0 #1 March 9, 2006 Hi everyone...I need some advice here. Let me give you some background first. 1. I love to skydive. I, like most of you out there, have invested a lot of money and time into the sport. I scraped together the money to buy the pieces for my rig, assembled them with a buddy of mine who is a rigger. Bought a used jumpsuit and a Protec helmet etc. 2. Like most of you I work full time. My Job is Monday through Friday, a pretty demanding field, but it pays the bills and I actually have fun with it. 3. I am married, (11 years) have 2 great daughters. My daughters usually come to the dropzone with me and hang out and play (they are 2 and 6 years old). Along with having a family is trying to balance spending time with them, maintaining the house, yard etc. 4. I am in the National Gaurd, I am a Platoon Segeant, so I cannot miss a drill and usually end up doing much more than the "one weekend a month, 2 weeks a year" gig. I usually do at least a Friday through Sunday per month and this year I am looking at almost six weeks of training instead of two. My problem is this....when I mention to the wife I want to ride up to the dropzone, she flips out. Lays a guilt trip on me (I am never home, do not spend any time with her or the kids). I looked at my log book the other day and I have made maybe 4 jumps since last summer...that sucks. How does someone go about balancing a full time job, a family etc and still jump a good amount? I am almost worried that my low jump numbers over the last couple of years could be a safety issue. Anyway, I thought I would post this. It looks like we are going to have decent weather this weekend in Ga and I do not have drill this upcoming weekend. I mentioned going to the dropzone Sat. morning and all hell broke loose. A joke or any insight would be great.... Ryanglad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #2 March 9, 2006 OK, so you have to be gone 1 weekend a month, that means there are only 3 weekends or 6 days left. I think at the MOST, you should only be at the dz for 3 of those days, unless the whole family is coming with you (including your wife) and you are spending time with them in between jumps. Does you wife do the majority of the child rearing? That could be why she is having a hard time with you going to the dz. Does she have an opportunity to do something for herself, like a hobby or outings with friends while you are at the dz, or is she at home trying to do the chores, laundry and grocery shopping? My guess is that she just wants to see more of you, or feels you are not sharing in the chores and child rearing. Have you calmly asked her flat out what the specific issue is with you going to the dz?She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flygurl 0 #3 March 9, 2006 Does your wife flip about when you want to go do something not involving skydiving or is it just skydiving that seems to upset her??________________________________________ "One out of every four American's are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpinfarmer 0 #4 March 9, 2006 I can't really give you any advice. Sorry. What I can say is I know how hard it is to find time to jump. I am not married and don't have any kids but I am a volunteer firefighter and self employed as a snowplow contractor in winter and farmer in the summer. Both jobs can be very demanding and don't have much flexibility to allow time off. If I had a family I don't know how I would balance it out. What I do know is you need some time to your self. Weather thats spent skydiving or bowling makes no difference you still need to get away from the family if only for a few hours every few weeks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #5 March 9, 2006 My wife is a stay at home Mom. When she got pregnant with our second, she quit her job as a Marketing Manager for a Software company to stay home with the kids. In reality she does most of the child rearing. I have invited her to the DZ several times. She came out one time, but she feels like she does not know anybody and does not have anything in common with anyone out there. But I will say this, even with my low jump numbers, in her mind I put skydiving above yard work, house work etc...that does not make sense to me.glad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #6 March 9, 2006 Sometimes...well I guess so. I never go out with friends after work etc. But if I do that does not really go over well either....glad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flygurl 0 #7 March 9, 2006 Sounds like you need to sit down and talk to her. Otherwise nobody is happy. That's my 2 cents.________________________________________ "One out of every four American's are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #8 March 9, 2006 You'll probably need to spend more time with your wife or you are not being a good husband. You could spend less time with your daughters, but then you are not being a good father. You could spend more time with your daughters and less time at work, but you would not be a responsible employee. Here is the idea. Eliminate all your personal time and spend it all meeting other peoples needs, as they define as correct. However, you'll need to save some time to explain to the psychologist why you are so damn unhappy when you are the perfect father, husband, and employee. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GravityGirl 0 #9 March 9, 2006 On the days that you know you can make it to the DZ, plan a full family day. Make breakfast, pack a picinic lunch for the DZ, buy your wife some cool magazines or a good book, make a few jumps than go out to dinner together. Maybe if there is still daylight go to the park first then dinner. Just keep the family together. Do some stuff they like, and make sure you do some stuff for yourself too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Peace and Blue Skies! Bonnie ==>Gravity Gear! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chaoskitty 0 #10 March 9, 2006 You have found skydiving, and you love it. Has your wife found anything like that? Something that takes her mind off of the chores and the day to day grind? Maybe if she felt she had time to play, she wouldnt mind so much that you want time to play as well. I'm not saying she should go jump off a bridge.. but maybe one night a week for her, away from the house, playing bunko with the girls or taking a pottery or art class? I dont know what your wife likes to do.. just a couple of suggestions. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #11 March 9, 2006 Ya, that is a good point. Somehow I need to get her out of the house and meet some people. The only people she seems to have around here is her parents and her sister, who drive her crazy. Her best friend Shannon is ignoring her because she (Shannon) has a new boyfriend. Now that I think about it, she really does not have anyone in the area she can hang with while I am gone....glad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #12 March 9, 2006 Or, I could leave the house at 6 or 7 in the morning, get to the DZ. Make 3 or 4 jumps by noon or one o'clock and haul ass home....then it would not be an all day, into the night affair.glad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leapdog 0 #13 March 9, 2006 I agree with some of the other posters in the thread. I'm guessing there is some other issue and what is on the surface is what gets the blame. I would recommend sitting down with no distractions and talk it out. I mean talk not yell or have a pointing figers argument or anything else of the sort. talking also means listening. If that doesn't work then couples counseling. That work for a friend of mine. I don't think it's really skydiving. Lots of guys get grief over fishing or going to the game or poker night. Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #14 March 9, 2006 I think you guys are right. There must be something going on. I do have friends of mine that bitch about similar stuff, but their hobbies are 4-wheeling, golfing etc. thanks for the insight everyone. I am still going to jump this weekend!!!! I will take the kids with me, maybe she can relax around the house, go shopping or something. Laterglad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #15 March 9, 2006 QuoteYa, that is a good point. Somehow I need to get her out of the house and meet some people. The only people she seems to have around here is her parents and her sister, who drive her crazy. Her best friend Shannon is ignoring her because she (Shannon) has a new boyfriend. Now that I think about it, she really does not have anyone in the area she can hang with while I am gone.... Certainly if you go to the dz and then run off to 'do your own thing', it's no fun for her... especially if she has to chase after the kids all the time to be sure they are allright... When my wife visits the dz. she either brings a lawn chair and some good reading materials, ( don't forget the sunscreen) or else will wander here and there chatting with people.... However whenever I am on a Load,,, I always make sure to give her a kiss,, before heading to the boarding area,,, I tell her what i'm doing on that particular load and roughly where in the exit line up I'm going to be. She knows my canopy and so enjoys watching me land... ( at the new England 100 ways 2 years ago.. I could pick her out while she was standing on the tarmac, as I was under canopy....I waved to her and kicked my legs,, and SHE WAVED BACK!!!!of others,, But i saw Her and She saw me..).... Also look her up. shortly after landing, so she knows you're ok and so you can grin and smile, and she will learn how much fun jumping is,,,, for you... Also make sure that you take a break for lunch... with her and the children. and during that time,,, continue to introduce her around, and say a few nice things about her... She will appreciate it.. It CAN be tough... sometimes spouses can be Scared!!!!. til they learn more about safety procedures, gear, etc.. Then......... during the ride home....be sure to express some real graditude to her for being part of your day... and then remember........ You owe her One...skyding the next great FAMILY adventure!!!! jmy................o[:-) attachment picture is of my wife Nancy ( light blue jumpsuit, pink collar) in the otter on the way to her First Tandem skydive... Made 24 years after she met and married a 'hard-core' jumper...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #16 March 9, 2006 Dump/change the wife QuoteA joke or any insight would be great.... scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #17 March 9, 2006 If she needs someone to occupy her time while you are jumping with the kids, I'll offer my wife-sitting services for a nominal charge... . j/k, big guy...My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #18 March 9, 2006 mmmmm.. I might consider that. I will give you a list of chores also. Clean up the yard Clean out the storage area... The keg-a-rator has a fresh keg of Bud lite in it. Remember though, if she runs off with you, you get ALL the bills alsoglad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnRich 4 #19 March 9, 2006 QuoteHow does someone go about balancing a full time job, a family etc and still jump a good amount? I did this routine for 12 years while raising kids: I worked full time, did things with the kids, like fishing, the beach, soccer and basketball, maintained the house, yard and two dilapidated old cars, and also went to night school for college. It was a very full life. In exchange for all that hard work and sacrifice I made for my family, I insisted upon one day off for skydiving every other weekend. And I scheduled that around the other family events, so I wouldn't miss a kid's soccer game, etc. Explain to the wifey that this is what you need to do for yourself, as your own personal reward for all that you do for everyone else. One day every other week isn't being selfish, and isn't asking too much. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #20 March 9, 2006 Quote...Remember though, if she runs off with you, you get ALL the bills also Uhhhh....wait a minute.... .My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpwally 0 #21 March 9, 2006 and you still got 4500 jumps !!! Good on you.......smile, be nice, enjoy life FB # - 1083 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #22 March 9, 2006 Talk with her to find the root of the prolem. It may be she feels like she isn't being aloud to have her own life because all your time is being taken up by all your activities. Get her a gift certificatre for a day at the spa on a day you have off, so you can sit with the kids. Also while talking with her just mention how it is safer for you to maintain your currancy than to only be jumping once every blue moon. Also make sure you really listen to her durring this conversation.Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #23 March 10, 2006 Thanks for responding John. It is good to hear your perspective, sounds like you have been in the same situation. I do not want to sound corny, but the moment I did my first tandem I realized that jumping was going to be a big part of my life...I think everyone who is a regular jumper feels that desire. Some of us harbor that dream of being an instructor, or a coach, getting a tandem rating etc. Then you reality sets in...hey, I need to jump X number of times per month for the next X years then I would have to be at the DZ every weekend blah blah blah..... I guess I am going to have to work with my wife and family and get a routine going, I would LOVE to jump every other weekend....that would be awesome. Last summer I jumped maybe one day a month, that is not going to work. It's funny, I rush out of work at six...most guys at work are rushing to get home to relax and drink beer. I rush home to knock out as many chores as possible so I have some free time on the weekends. Thanks for taking the time to respond, the support from you guys is pretty cool. We can joke and laugh, but when someone needs a little help, y'all chip in....glad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryno1972 0 #24 March 10, 2006 Thanks Jimmy...I am going to suggest to her to come up and relax. Luckily, where I jump there is a lot of room for kids to run around. The hanger is not on the flight line. There is a huge grassy area that is blocked off from cars and other traffic, so the kids are not in to much danger. That would be cool, if only she could get to know the people I have the privalege to interact with, she would be asking me to take her to the DZ.glad to be here!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #25 March 10, 2006 Its just because you're from Georgia (or at least jump in Georgia...) Everyone from that state is crazy... btw I'm just kidding... I hope things work out. I think there's some good information here but I wouldn't know first hand... Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
