Gender differences

[Broke 0]

You know why don't women buy random men drinks at the bar. That is so unfair!
If a girl starts talking to a guy she dosen't get strange looks, but aparently if a guy starts chatting it up with a girl then aparently he wants something.

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[Buried 0]

Quote

You know why don't women buy random men drinks at the bar. That is so unfair!
If a girl starts talking to a guy she dosen't get strange looks, but aparently if a guy starts chatting it up with a girl then aparently he wants something.

hey it works. I got a roll of girl scout cookies last night from a girl at the bar!

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[Broke 0]

what kind of cookies?

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

You know why don't women buy random men drinks at the bar. That is so unfair!

That is a stereotypical role that women use to their advantage. However, it doesn't have to work. Come up with an alternate strategy. Instead of buying your way in, start a conversation. The effectiveness is the same.

Quote

If a girl starts talking to a guy she dosen't get strange looks, but aparently if a guy starts chatting it up with a girl then aparently he wants something.

Nope, women generally aren't going to randomly start talking to men. They start by making their presence known by standing nearby, which can be followed by either "accidental" contact or conversation.

Dating rules have some power game advantages built into them.
- Women don't have to worry about possible rejection when being the first to ask.
- They can play the disinterested party to begin with and make the male "work for it". These games can range from a free drink to "how much crap will he put up with?".

The games are a self-defeating problem for those women because the results are fair.

Fortunately, interest in it as a game starts to slow down around 30-32.

One shining light is that women in their 20s today have much more self-esteem and are better centered than those at the same age 15 years ago. It is better for both sexes.

[Broke 0]

Ahh but I am just looking to hang out with people in the bar. I am not lookin for anything else when I am out and about

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Ahh but I am just looking to hang out with people in the bar. I am not lookin for anything else when I am out and about

You may not be, maybe she is. Everybody is different. Be yourself.

If you buy a drink, it is an implied contract that says she has to stand there with you while she drinks it. You buy the time. Then, you have to make an impression quickly. It is uncomfortable.

1. Come up with an opener. "I am so glad to be here..."
2. Ask her about whatever she tells you about herself. "Really? What's that like?"
3. Don't talk about yourself.
4. Don't mention skydiving. (You'll violate rules 2 and 3 for the next 30 minutes. )

It is a lot easier to really meet people than to play the bar games and a lot more enjoyable.

[twibbles 0]

Quote

if a guy hears he's like a woman, it's an insult!

I remember an incident a few years ago when i was staying in university halls. I found myself in a friend's room, with a bunch of women, about eight of them, bitching about guys.I made a joke about me being there, and one of the girls replied, "Oh, you're okay." Didn't know what to make of it then... But not insulted, just happy that they feel comfortable with me being there.

Eugene



.

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of
people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

[lawrocket 3]

I think that there are inherent differences. Previously, I wasn't really sure. Neither was my wife. Now, thanks to my son, we understand that there are certain things that people are born with - differences between boys and girls.

My son couldn't care less about stuffed animals. However, anything with wheels can keep him busy for a while. Toy cars, even his stroller. HE wants to be the one to push his stroller.

He's also particularly focused on a few things: 1) boobs; 2) his external evidence of being a boy; 3) things that make loud noises; and 4) running and playing.

My wife now knows that there are certain things that aren't taught to boys - we're just born with these things and ideas. She is constantly remarking, "He's such a little boy." Her experience is with little girls (she has no nephews - only nieces) and the differences are striking.

Some things can be learned. There's no doubt about that. And while there are other changes (it's more acceptable for women and men to even try things traditionally relegated to the opposite sex) in society that make things more acceptable, still, I think you'll find most little boys will play with cars and toy guns while most little girls will be playing with other things.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[happythoughts 0]

That really isn't a gender difference. It is more of a Group A and Group B dynamic.

Often, Group A and Group B have certain characteristics. Then, A wants B to change in certain ways (often unfair ones that give A some advantage). B has already determined that they will not change. B learns to ignore A and de-value the criticisms. Listening ends when negativity starts.

The same thing happens between sexes, races, family members, work associates, and political groups.

Inter-sex, listening occurs best if there is no sub-motive involved (sex or long-term relationship goals).

[RhondaLea 4]

Quote

I'm curious as to what you all think of gender differences; are there differences because that's how society shapes us, or are the differences inherent? It could be both (ie, men are usually physically stronger which affects things that they do, and hence creates a gender role.)

A while back, I read a couple of interesting books that address this question. They set me off in several different directions, and my answer to your question is that the inherent differences are what shaped society.

As our technology has improved, some of these inherent differences have become meaningless to the extent that they define our traditional roles as men and women, but our biology is slower to change.

The books that got me started on the subject can be found here:

http://www.peaseinternational.com/shop-books.html

The style is humorous, but what underlies it is some interesting information about our gender-specific behaviors.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[RhondaLea 4]

I also recently found this, although I've not been able to locate a copy of the paper:


http://www.cartisgroup.com/newsletter/vol1issue5/theinkling_vol1issue5_article4.htm


The Ideal Woman vs. The Ideal Man

Men and women see each other very differently. We also stereotype each other quite differently. Researchers at Alabama's Auburn University say they have determined what men want in the ideal woman: she is sexually inexperienced but likes sex, has a career but is a full-time homemaker, has a slim build yet is athletic. She has pretty eyes, dark hair, a good complexion, and a firm butt. Large breasts are nice, but not all that important. The study's lead author, Erica Gannon, says the specifications are similar to what is found in the Bible. "Our participants, whether knowingly or unknowingly, espouse a view of the ideal woman that is very similar to the views held by individuals thousands of years ago." However, she adds, "It's hard to be this woman."

On the other hand, women want a man that is strong yet gentle, powerful yet sensitive, has a great career yet helps clean the house and raise the children, in control yet cries, and has a knowledge of sexual techniques but has only been with one woman.

An interesting note — men describe the ideal woman through physical characteristics and women describe the ideal man through personality traits.

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[turtlespeed 221]

So - if I read this correctly - women want men to be bi-polar.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[RhondaLea 4]

Quote

So - if I read this correctly - women want men to be bi-polar.

You forgot to mention that men want a Stepford Wife.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[turtlespeed 221]

Quote

Quote

So - if I read this correctly - women want men to be bi-polar.

You forgot to mention that men want a Stepford Wife.

rl

I didn't forget anything.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Beverly 1]

It is weird, I was having this discussion with the editor of our local edition of Glamour magazine a year ago!

Over one generation, women have become stronger.
Not physically but in the following ways:
They will not be afraid to divorce, separate from a man if they are being neglected, abused.
They have their own careers (not just jobs), homes, cars and social circles
They are happy to have children on their own.
Their support structure is often other women and family.
They are sexually advanced, know what they want and will not settle for sub standard. There are alternatives (self service in the new millennium is not frowned upon like in the past)

- Funny, I still come across guys that find that women masturbating is a taboo subject -

Men on the other hand, who have been so used to be being the caretaker, provider and in return being looked after by a stepford wife is now finding himself not being needed. And they don't know where they fit into this equation of women, men and children.

From my point of view, I pretty much grew up without a dad, and I am horribly self sufficient. But that does not mean that you cannot carry my rig bag for me. Just because I can change a light bulb, plug, fuel my car or re-rig my parachute, it does not mean I should and I would love a man to still take over the traditionally man things and roles and treat me like a girl.

I do want the strong man by my side, to hold my hand and lead me through a door into a foreign place and be my pillar of strength. Not expect me to be ok all by myself.

So basically, we do want the sensitive guys - but not to replace our girlfriends. We want you to be a strong guy.
To be secure in your role as a man, be confident - read: not arrogant - and be comfortable with a girl that is independent - but needs their strength when they are tired and feeling overwhelmed.

I am definitely one of the guys, but sometimes, I want to be treated like a girl and be seen as pretty and feminine.
But i guess getting out of my double cab in a skirt and high heels can be a bit of a juxtoposition.
Guess I am doomed to a life of solitude anyway.

I think true friendship is under-rated

Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

They will not be afraid to divorce, separate from a man if they are being neglected, abused.
They have their own careers (not just jobs), homes, cars and social circles
They are happy to have children on their own.
Their support structure is often other women and family.
They are sexually advanced, know what they want and will not settle for sub standard.

This is all true. However, the one part that needs refining is the definition of "neglect". That seems to be the fatal blow.

The phrase "know what they want and will not settle for sub standard" becomes part of the Princess Problem.
It is kind of like going to church and when you come out, hearing, "So why are you aren't you more like Jesus and so imperfect?"

Perfect is defined by Oprah, 2 magazines, and 3 friends at lunch. It leads to unhappiness.

Divorce and child support settlements have made it so attractive that there is no motive to be reasonable. Any want becomes defined as a need. Perfect happiness is one of many popular myths.

I can understand why women want to be divorced when they are unhappy or inconvenienced. There is no down-side.

[Beverly 1]

Very true, although I have "Princess" friends that are happy being a trophy wife and mother for the sake of the multi million rand house and car and overseas trips and don't mind having their nails and hair done while hubby plays golf and lives his life.

I am not sure there is anything like Perfect!
I should hope not.
It would be a little intimidating to find a guy that was perfect! Yikes!!

I would hope that women don't just abuse the system to find a money donator for their lifestyle support and use the kids as an excuse for that. sad sad sad.
Never thought about that...

I think true friendship is under-rated

Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

Nope, women generally aren't going to randomly start talking to men. They start by making their presence known by standing nearby, which can be followed by either "accidental" contact or conversation.

You can't be serious! maybe this is more of a geographical thing. First of all, I generally don't liked to be randomly approached by guys. It's usually really awkward. However my girlfiends and I are not ones to wait if we want to talk to a guy.

My goodness! I really hope you don't think most women act how you described! I'm not into the game-playing thing, and no one I'm friends with really is either.

Quote

My son couldn't care less about stuffed animals.

I definitely understand what you're saying about kids. My older nephew isn't a typical little boy. Some things he likes are typical boy (trains, playing ball), but some things he likes are typical girl (stuffed animals, playing kitchen, singing, dancing.) The way he acts is not typical boy either. The younger one is, though. He likes sports, girls, and running around screaming. He also really wants to go skydiving and asks to watch my skydiving movies!

Quote

inherent differences are what shaped society.

I can see that. Way back in the day when physical strength was more important, well, that's obviously going to change things when only one gender can do a task. I'm still not sure about psychological differences, though.

Quote

But that does not mean that you cannot carry my rig bag for me.

I've never ever liked that kind of stuff. Those were the kinds of things I did for my grandma, so someone doing those things for me....what were they trying to say exactly?

Quote

Perfect is defined by Oprah, 2 magazines, and 3 friends at lunch. It leads to unhappiness.

I'm actually offended by this. I could say that "Perfect for guys is what's on the cover of this month's Maxim," but thank heavens that the guys I'm friends with aren't completely shallow. And the women I'm friends with don't even watch Oprah or read trashy magazines for relationship advice.

I guess a lot of it is the people you know or see. I don't see a lot of what you see. I see some of it. I do see women playing games, and I see men playing games (ie, look how much money I have!). Game playing is not a gender difference, that's for sure. I tend to stay away from people like that.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[happythoughts 0]

The Stepford Wives was excellent for what it provided as a social commentary (it was weird and boring as a movie).

It is about a rigid definition of the fulfillment of a need/desire/ego. Then, expecting a mindless, robotic servitude to that. The thing that no one talks about is the other flavor of that, the Stepford Husbands. Just as weird.

If people don't want to deal with real people and want an adoring pet, they should get a pet. A Golden Retriever will always think that a person is wonderful.

If people buy into that program, that is their business. They define the relatiolnship and if they are ok with it, game on. Someone once told me that, "it was easier to marry a doctor than to become one". Their choice.

I just think that people have unreasonable expectations about how happy that other people will make them. I see that coming from both directions all the time.

If people have a definition of the Perfect Mate, they should find them and keep them, rather than converting someone to their mold.

Controlling the behavior of others is never easy, unfair, generally resented, and rarely successful.

(This isn't a gender difference because stupid people of both sexes attempt it.)

[RhondaLea 4]

Quote

I can understand why women want to be divorced when they are unhappy or inconvenienced. There is no down-side.

There is a huge downside, particularly for women who have children with their former mate.

Most women do not divorce because they are merely unhappy or inconvenienced.

The only totally ludicrous complaint for divorce I've ever prepared was an extremely cruelty complaint wherein the wife accused the husband of smashing an orange on the floor in anger.

The only reason for this reason for divorce is that they both wanted the divorce--it was friendly--but they didn't want to wait the 18 months required in New Jersey for a no-fault. This way, they were both out in 4, with minimal embarrassment (it is a public record, y'know).

The other complaints I have prepared have detailed some pretty heinous abuse. And even in those cases where the couple decided to wait the 18 months, there was usually sufficient grounds for the four month variety.

The above is the counterpoint to your remark.

The truth is that a lot of people go into marriage unprepared for what being married means. And when it doesn't work, in spite of all the heartache involved, it's often better to end it and start again.

But don't underestimate the pain it causes on both sides--even for the partner who is seeking dissolution.

rl

If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

[philbox 0]

I think that the argument that there is no gender differences but rather the differences are created by the environment that either a boy or girl is brought up in is very weak and tired.

I am one of 11 siblings. My mum and dad had 8 boys before they ended up with two girls and then the last was a boy. The girls were definitely girls, they needed no encouragement to play with dolls and they had little interest in playing with all the boy toys that were lying around in the house.

Men and women definitley think very differently. Why we are even having this discussion is beyond me. I'm putting it down to a weak troll, I'm giving it a T1.

[Vallerina 2]

Quote

The girls were definitely girls, they needed no encouragement to play with dolls and they had little interest in playing with all the boy toys that were lying around in the house.

And, as it has been shown numerous times, while it looks like "no encouragement," there actually is encouragement for the girls to play with girl toys and the boys to play with boy toys. Even at a very young age when no real gender differences exist, other people treat boys and girls very differently. If a baby is clothed and you cannot tell their gender, people will treat them differently if they find out it's a girl than if they find out it's a boy.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Broke 0]

Quote

- Funny, I still come across guys that find that women masturbating is a taboo subject -

See now why is there a double standard here. I say let everyone masturbate, as long as it is in an appropriate place.
For the most part I find that:
Men get turned by women masturbating
Women would generally not get turned on by men masturbating.

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[Beverly 1]

Quote

See now why is there a double standard here. I say let everyone masturbate, as long as it is in an appropriate place.
For the most part I find that:
Men get turned by women masturbating
Women would generally not get turned on by men masturbating.

THATS IT!! Oh my, I can't believe I did not pick up on that major difference in Genders.
Men are particularly turned on by visual (porn) whilst women are turned on by touch.
That is why men prefer porn to women and like to keep the light on, and women would rather have their men be there with them (touch) and they don't care about the light.

Personally I like to see reactions and eyes, so I don't mind either way.

Maybe women just like to be involved in the process as well, and it is almost when a man is done he is done, and it is not that way with a woman.

eek, I think I said too much

I think true friendship is under-rated

Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa

[altichick 1]

Quote

....Men are particularly turned on my visual (porn) whilst women are turned on by touch.

Don't sweat the petty things... and don't pet the sweaty things!