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warpedskydiver

Engagement Ring

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When a girl receives a ring should she return it if she becomes an unbearable bitch and no longer wants to marry the person?

ring was very very expensive:|



C'mon, you've *got* to tell the rest of the story!!!!

Let me re-frame this a bit.

If the girl calls off the engagement, then yes, she should always return the ring.

If it's a mutual thing, under most circumstances, she should return it.

If he calls it off, then it's her call as to whether she returns the ring or not.

I have never been married myself, but I've talked with a great many people who have been married and had the marriages fail. From what I can tell, usually the bad behaviors don't start until *after* the wedding.

(edited to add: Ladies, please don't flame me. The "bad behaviors" comment could apply to either the bride or groom and that's what I was thinking when I wrote it.)

From that standpoint, no matter what happens with the ring, you are still *far* better off having the relationship fail *before* the wedding.

Walt

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When a girl receives a ring should she return it if she becomes an unbearable bitch and no longer wants to marry the person?

ring was very very expensive:|



C'mon, you've *got* to tell the rest of the story!!!!

Let me re-frame this a bit.

If the girl calls off the engagement, then yes, she should always return the ring.

If it's a mutual thing, under most circumstances, she should return it.

If he calls it off, then it's her call as to whether she returns the ring or not.

I have never been married myself, but I've talked with a great many people who have been married and had the marriages fail. From what I can tell, usually the bad behaviors don't start until *after* the wedding.

(edited to add: Ladies, please don't flame me. The "bad behaviors" comment could apply to either the bride or groom and that's what I was thinking when I wrote it.)

From that standpoint, no matter what happens with the ring, you are still *far* better off having the relationship fail *before* the wedding.

Walt




DUDE in all fairness you do not know her:|

I will add this those that have known her will set you straight...those that don't may not understand.

Those that may ever meet her, run like hell! actually run for your life!

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DUDE in all fairness you do not know her:|

I will add this those that have known her will set you straight...those that don't may not understand.

Those that may ever meet her fuck her and run like hell! actually run for your life!



Don't get me wrong. I'm not asking for you to identify her. Nor am I looking for material to place blame on you or her.

I've just learned that relationship problems are never black and white. You're talking about what was obviously (at least from your perspective) a committed relationship and you're saying there was three years of no communication.

Three years?!!!!!

That's not a committed relationship.

How long did you date her before becoming engaged? Was getting married her idea or yours?

How long did you know her before dating?

Was there any one incident that made things go sour or did it just happen over time?

What the hell happened?

Walt

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I've just learned that relationship problems are never black and white.



Most of the time, they're not.

Sometimes, however, they are.

There is nothing more frustrating for someone caught up in a relationship with someone who is abusive or personality disordered or both to hear "it takes two."

Would you say that to someone who was mugged?

Anyway, I have no idea what the situation is here, but if she ended the relationship, she needs to give back the ring.

rl
If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

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If I was her...I'd return it...too many memories attached to it...unless the guy was a really huge prick then I'd pawn it and buy something nice for myself. But, I am by no means a bitch, so I would really have to be pissed on to go the latter route.

Bobbi
A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

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DUDE in all fairness you do not know her:|

I will add this those that have known her will set you straight...those that don't may not understand.

Those that may ever meet her fuck her and run like hell! actually run for your life!



Don't get me wrong. I'm not asking for you to identify her. Nor am I looking for material to place blame on you or her.

I've just learned that relationship problems are never black and white. You're talking about what was obviously (at least from your perspective) a committed relationship and you're saying there was three years of no communication.

Three years?!!!!!

That's not a committed relationship.

How long did you date her before becoming engaged? Was getting married her idea or yours?

How long did you know her before dating?

Was there any one incident that made things go sour or did it just happen over time?

What the hell happened?

Walt




we dated for 5 years she moved in a week after we started seeing each other I am friends with her father and still am.

got engaged 4 years aftere wet met.

getting married was both our ideas I chose the timing.

Soon after we got together she started flipping out over virtually any perceived slight or anything at all really.

She is now living in Tampa and has done this as a repeated pattern. I have now discovered she has done this both before me and after me. She is very beautiful and has some very good qualities...all embodied in a hateful very explosive personality.

She is now a drunkard as she was before we met (not while we were together) well one DUI I paid for to get it all dropped

I supported her to the tune of a few hundred thousand dollars(she never had to work and didn't except for 4 months.)

I also paid for cancer surgery as she didn't have any medical insurance. I don't either mind you

I wish the best for her and hope to never get that call that says she has died.

I guess I am one sick motherfucker because I still care alot.


I hope she gets help someday....I guess it's up to her

even her doctor tried to give her meds because she snapped for no reason on him in his office.:|

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I've just learned that relationship problems are never black and white.



Most of the time, they're not.

Sometimes, however, they are.

There is nothing more frustrating for someone caught up in a relationship with someone who is abusive or personality disordered or both to hear "it takes two."

Would you say that to someone who was mugged?

Anyway, I have no idea what the situation is here, but if she ended the relationship, she needs to give back the ring.

rl



Point taken, but abusive relationships aren't necessarily a matter of one bad guy vs. one good guy either. I'm quite certain that people in a relationship can victimize each other. The black and white part is that the abuse needs to stop and the relationship needs to end.

Mugging is not the same thing.

edited to add:
And you know full well that I wouldn't say "it takes two" to someone who was mugged!

Walt

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If she broke it off, she should return it.

If you broke it off, she can keep it without regret because you said, "Soon after we got together she started flipping out over virtually any perceived slight or anything at all really." You knew what you were getting into and still asked her to marry you. Of course, it would be nice for her to give it back, but under those circumstances she is not obliged to.

It's only money and you can't take it with you. Get over it because it's only bothering you, not her. The sooner you let it go and just consider it a bad investment, the sooner you'll feel better.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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Ring = Committment. If she ain't gonna commit, she ain't gettin the ring!!!
The ring is supposed to represent ( to me anyway) a promise of marriage, it represents that you are committed to that person who gave you the ring. She really needs to give the ring back:| or else you can sick a windcatcher on her:|


Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

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If I was her...I'd return it...too many memories attached to it...unless the guy was a really huge prick then I'd pawn it and buy something nice for myself. But, I am by no means a bitch, so I would really have to be pissed on to go the latter route.

Bobbi



Understatement of the year highlighted.:)
Walt

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Point taken, but abusive relationships aren't necessarily a matter of one bad guy vs. one good guy either. I'm quite certain that people in a relationship can victimize each other. The black and white part is that the abuse needs to stop and the relationship needs to end.

Mugging is not the same thing.

edited to add:
And you know full well that I wouldn't say "it takes two" to someone who was mugged!



That's the problem. Most people don't understand the nature of abuse and the reaction to abuse. So they end up characterizing it as mutually abusive.

When a victim fights back against a mugger, no one says that the victim was the aggressor or is somehow at fault, but in abusive situations, the perspective changes, and victim becomes abuser. :S

This isn't the thread for this discussion, but the situation described seems to be a very good case in point.

rl
If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

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When a girl receives a ring should she return it if she becomes an unbearable bitch and no longer wants to marry the person?

ring was very very expensive:|



Here is some reading - the legal system actually has opinions on this:

http://marriage.about.com/od/rings/a/ringreturn.htm

http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/catId/F896EE61-B80C-4FE1-B1687AC0F07903BA/objectId/E2120B2B-1C65-4E77-92A0ADC4FA3EDC2A/118/304/ART/

http://www.staffordlawyer.com/DynamicContentPage_2.shtml
"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

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I am so fucking hurt after all this time.

it brings tears to my eyes still...I think it has ruined me for life.

I have been with some fucked up really hot women but she really takes the cake.

even the ones that were rotten to me, or felt I was the asshole, have apologized after years of abscence from my life without prompting(guilt)?:|

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It's only money and you can't take it with you. Get over it because it's only bothering you, not her. The sooner you let it go and just consider it a bad investment, the sooner you'll feel better.



Money has never been the issue to me...she can keep her 1ct. and .5ct. (2ea.)earrings...all 4 of them...I am only speaking of this due to the fact she called in the middle of the night drunk and wanting to kill(she has a pistol) the new guy she is currently sleeping with(I talked her out of it).

My trangressions were these:
I looked at porn...She would not even have sex after all that time together(last 7 months)

I was doing nice things for my friends.(shge said paying too much attention)

I never went out without her actually.

BTW I AM actually POOR!

Then she had the nerve to call again and ask if I ever really loved her. She seems to think I would have done for anyone what I have done for her?

That hurt the most of all[:/]

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It's only money and you can't take it with you. Get over it because it's only bothering you, not her. The sooner you let it go and just consider it a bad investment, the sooner you'll feel better.



Money has never been the issue to me...she can keep her 1ct. and .5ct. (2ea.)earrings...all 4 of them...I am only speaking of this due to the fact she called in the middle of the night drunk and wanting to kill(she has a pistol) the new guy she is currently sleeping with(I talked her out of it).

My trangressions were these:
I looked at porn...She would not even have sex after all that time together(last 7 months)

I was doing nice things for my friends.(shge said paying too much attention)

I never went out without her actually.

BTW I AM actually POOR!

Then she had the nerve to call again and ask if I ever really loved her. She seems to think I would have done for anyone what I have done for her?

That hurt the most of all[:/]



All you can really do is walk away.

Walt

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She has obviously figured out how to push your buttons. If she calls again, tell her that you need to get over your relationship and you can't do that if she continues to call you. Then, don't call her and don't accept calls from her.

In those moments that you start to miss her, remind yourself of all the ways she hurt you and that you're better of without her. When you're ready, ask someone else out on a date. Don't let this bad relationship ruin your chances at finding someone else.

Finally, if she has any valid complaints that you haven't been wanting to admit to, learn from that and don't repeat them with the next woman.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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1. I supported her to the tune of a few hundred thousand dollars(she never had to work and didn't except for 4 months.


2. I wish the best for her and hope to never get that call that says she has died.

3. I guess I am one sick motherfucker because I still care alot.


4. I hope she gets help someday....I guess it's up to her


1. Several hundred thousand dollars? Let her keep the ring. You're getting off cheap.

2. I hope she doesn't die either. It's okay to care about another person, but love should be reciprocal.

3. Once again, it's okay to care about someone, but you need to look at yourself to understand why you would try so hard to make such a bad relationship "work." If she was truly worthy of your love and support, she would not treat you this way. Some women look for a doormat. If they are good looking enough, they can find them. There are a lot of beautiful women in the world that aren't head cases. Find a new one, and enjoy your life.

4. That's right. It's up to her. You can not fix her, no matter how cool it would be or how hard you try. Her life sucks, maybe she doesn't realize it, but don't let her drag you down with her. Let her finally fall flat on her face, and maybe she'll be motivated to change. You keep padding her fall. Don't wait around for her to change, either. Let her know that you're no longer around to bail her out. That would be the best thing for her . . .and you.

There's a great life for you out there with a woman that will treat you well. Go find her.

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I'm with Walt on this.

Here's the thing- If the girl breaks off the engagement, she really should return the ring, but unless its a family heirloom, ASKING for it back is petty, especially since you say money isn't the issue. You're stooping to her level- why? What exactly are you planning to do with it? If you pawn or sell it, you'll only get a fraction of its worth, and no other girlfriend or fiancee is going to want a "used" engagement ring or stone with that much baggage attached to it. If you hang on to it, you are hanging on to a piece of her. If she's as bad as you say, why? You won't be able to move on with your life until you let go of her. Don't you want to move on?

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If I was her...I'd return it...too many memories attached to it...unless the guy was a really huge prick then I'd pawn it and buy something nice for myself.



I don't care if the guy is the anti-christ. If the women calls off the engagement she should return the ring

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

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I can't understand why the girl would want to keep the ring to begin with, unless it is out of spite. There's no reason for her to keep it, regardless of circumstances. She should at least ask the guy what he thinks and go from there. Every couple is different.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

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