grue 1 #26 January 13, 2006 Know the difference between a nymphomaniac, a prostitute, and a married woman? Nympho: "Are you done already?" Prostitute: "Aren't you done yet?" Married woman: "Beige.. I should paint the ceiling beige.."cavete terrae. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shermanator 4 #27 January 13, 2006 HOw do you make a hormone? Don't pay her!CLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08 CSA #720 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grue 1 #28 January 13, 2006 QuoteHOw do you make a hormone? Don't pay her! Or pull her hair.cavete terrae. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
karenmeal 0 #29 January 13, 2006 Feminist, yes. Militant, no. I just cooked dinner and baked biscuits for my boyfriend, c'mon! I don't bite. But enough of that, here is a joke: There is professor who likes to tell dirty jokes in his class. The feminists in the class are getting sick of it, and decide to stage a protest the next time he was to tell a dirty joke. Somehow the professor hears about their plan for a walk-out. So the next class session he starts the class by saying, "In Sweden, prostitutes make $2,000 a night." All at once the feminists get up to leave the classroom, the professor stops them and yells out, "What are you doing? The plane to Sweden doesn't leave till tommorow!" -Karen "Life is a temporary victory over the causes which induce death." - Sylvester Graham Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #30 January 13, 2006 QuoteFeminist, yes. Militant, no. I just cooked dinner and baked biscuits for my boyfriend, c'mon! I don't bite. But enough of that, here is a joke: There is professor who likes to tell dirty jokes in his class. The feminists in the class are getting sick of it, and decide to stage a protest the next time he was to tell a dirty joke. Somehow the professor hears about their plan for a walk-out. So the next class session he starts the class by saying, "In Sweden, prostitutes make $2,000 a night." All at once the feminists get up to leave the classroom, the professor stops them and yells out, "What are you doing? The plane to Sweden doesn't leave till tommorow!" -Karen Bwaaahahhahahaha!!! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBachelor 5 #31 January 13, 2006 What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him. He still won't come. There are battered women? I've been eating 'em plain all of these years... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GARYC24 3 #32 January 13, 2006 A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company,Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used it, she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge; but I know that most use it for sexual intercourse. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?" "Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mattyblast 0 #34 January 13, 2006 What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a dislexyic insomniac? You get a guy who stays up all night wondering whether there's any such thing as a "dog." Self-edit: If there are any members of D.A.M. (Mothers Against Dyslexics) reading these forums, I apologize if I have offended!"DOOR!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #35 January 14, 2006 About hour 8 of the drive home from Holiday Boogie, Tallguy drops this one:Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?Fo' drizzle.That shit's funny right there, I don't care who you are.Quote Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites NWFlyer 2 #36 January 14, 2006 What did the zen master say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SpeedRacer 1 #37 January 14, 2006 what does snoop dog use to clean his white clothes? Bleaoch. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites agent_lead 0 #38 January 14, 2006 So I'm on one of those little airplanes the other day, you know the kind that only seats like 30 people, and the stewardess comes by and asks me what my weight is... I ask her why she needs to know and she tells me that on these little planes, they calculate the combined weight of all the passengers so they only have to bring just enough fuel to get to where they're going. I WEIGH FOUR THOUSAND FUCKING POUNDS! FILL ER UP! Because the LAST thing I want to do is end up starving to death in the mountains because a bunch of women lied about their WEIGHT-------------------------------------------- www.facebook.com/agentlead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites shropshire 0 #39 January 14, 2006 A small plane carrying United Nations delegates was in trouble. Throwing out all the baggage was not enough to save the plane. The French ambassador stood up, said, "Vive la France," and jumped out the door. Still too much weight. The English ambassador stood up, said, "God save the Queen," and jumped out the door. Still too much weight. A Texan stood up, said, "Remember the Alamo," and threw the Mexican ambassador out the door. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kenz 0 #40 January 14, 2006 that was a great one :) hahaha"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiver51 0 #41 January 14, 2006 A smart blonde joke.......... A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know, I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde had just opened a book but she closes it and says "What would you like to discuss?" He says "How about nuclear power?" "OK" says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff.....grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites leapdog 0 #42 January 14, 2006 When Women sell thier eggs, they get about 50,000 for each one. What do men get? 20.00 for a whole batch of sperm. I've got a towel worth 200,000 Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites grue 1 #43 January 14, 2006 Quote post a one-liner joke if you dare I've got an awesome one: My sex life cavete terrae. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites yamtx73 0 #44 January 14, 2006 QuoteQuote post a one-liner joke if you dare I've got an awesome one: My sex life wtf is a sex life? The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites airtwardo 7 #45 January 14, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuote post a one-liner joke if you dare I've got an awesome one: My sex life wtf is a sex life? *** It's what Leapdog's towel wishes it DIDN'T have! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Mike111 0 #46 January 14, 2006 two- why does a blonde wear knickers? - keep her ankles warm. what does the blondes left leg say to the blondes right leg - "hello we havent met before". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites leapdog 0 #47 January 15, 2006 How do you screw a fat chick? You roll it , and roll it, and roll it til you smell shit and back off one notch. Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites yamtx73 0 #48 January 15, 2006 QuoteHow do you screw a fat chick? You roll it , and roll it, and roll it til you smell shit and back off one notch. Reach back, slap her thigh and ride the wave in...The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites lisamariewillbe 1 #49 January 15, 2006 shouldnt those jokes go in the tasteless joke thread Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites leapdog 0 #50 January 15, 2006 Quoteshouldnt those jokes go in the tasteless joke thread What tasteless joke thread? Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
NWFlyer 2 #36 January 14, 2006 What did the zen master say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #37 January 14, 2006 what does snoop dog use to clean his white clothes? Bleaoch. Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
agent_lead 0 #38 January 14, 2006 So I'm on one of those little airplanes the other day, you know the kind that only seats like 30 people, and the stewardess comes by and asks me what my weight is... I ask her why she needs to know and she tells me that on these little planes, they calculate the combined weight of all the passengers so they only have to bring just enough fuel to get to where they're going. I WEIGH FOUR THOUSAND FUCKING POUNDS! FILL ER UP! Because the LAST thing I want to do is end up starving to death in the mountains because a bunch of women lied about their WEIGHT-------------------------------------------- www.facebook.com/agentlead Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #39 January 14, 2006 A small plane carrying United Nations delegates was in trouble. Throwing out all the baggage was not enough to save the plane. The French ambassador stood up, said, "Vive la France," and jumped out the door. Still too much weight. The English ambassador stood up, said, "God save the Queen," and jumped out the door. Still too much weight. A Texan stood up, said, "Remember the Alamo," and threw the Mexican ambassador out the door. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kenz 0 #40 January 14, 2006 that was a great one :) hahaha"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver51 0 #41 January 14, 2006 A smart blonde joke.......... A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know, I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde had just opened a book but she closes it and says "What would you like to discuss?" He says "How about nuclear power?" "OK" says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff.....grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leapdog 0 #42 January 14, 2006 When Women sell thier eggs, they get about 50,000 for each one. What do men get? 20.00 for a whole batch of sperm. I've got a towel worth 200,000 Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grue 1 #43 January 14, 2006 Quote post a one-liner joke if you dare I've got an awesome one: My sex life cavete terrae. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #44 January 14, 2006 QuoteQuote post a one-liner joke if you dare I've got an awesome one: My sex life wtf is a sex life? The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #45 January 14, 2006 QuoteQuoteQuote post a one-liner joke if you dare I've got an awesome one: My sex life wtf is a sex life? *** It's what Leapdog's towel wishes it DIDN'T have! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike111 0 #46 January 14, 2006 two- why does a blonde wear knickers? - keep her ankles warm. what does the blondes left leg say to the blondes right leg - "hello we havent met before". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leapdog 0 #47 January 15, 2006 How do you screw a fat chick? You roll it , and roll it, and roll it til you smell shit and back off one notch. Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #48 January 15, 2006 QuoteHow do you screw a fat chick? You roll it , and roll it, and roll it til you smell shit and back off one notch. Reach back, slap her thigh and ride the wave in...The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #49 January 15, 2006 shouldnt those jokes go in the tasteless joke thread Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leapdog 0 #50 January 15, 2006 Quoteshouldnt those jokes go in the tasteless joke thread What tasteless joke thread? Gunnery Sergeant of Marines "I would like it if I were challenged mentally at my job and not feel like I'm mentally challenged." - Co-worker Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
