airtwardo (kinda long)

[waltappel 1]

I’ve never met airtwardo in person, but I consider him a friend. No question about it—he’s the kind of no-shit, standup guy that anyone would be proud to call a friend. We’ll meet in person one of these days, and I think as far as the friendship thing goes, meeting will simply be a formality. We’re already friends and have been for a while now.

I’ve PM’d back and forth with airtwardo, traded smartass one-liners in threads, and read his posts for a while now, and I’ve started to get this mental picture of him. Here’s how I see him.

I envision him as one of these larger-than-life guys that lives [I]with a vengeance[/I]! The kind of guy who, instead of drinking a morning cup of coffee to wake up, will go barefoot tightrope walking on some zillion-watt high-tension power lines blindfolded and, when someone asks what he does for fun, he answers, “I laugh in the face of death!”.

Definitely a larger-than-life guy. I can’t imagine that we’ll meet in any place that [I]doesn’t[/I] server alcohol. That just ain’t gonna happen. Wherever we happen to meet, maybe at a strip club, he’ll show up in something that looks a lot like that monster truck called “Gravedigger”. Instead of parking where he might have to walk 150 ft. to the door, he’ll simply make his own parking space by knocking down a few trees and crushing five or six cars. “Why bother with valet parking? Heh heh heh,” he will say.

Now I don’t know if airtwardo smokes, but I suspect he’s waaaaaaaay too cool for that. If he does, though, there is not a shred of doubt in my mind that he does it better than anybody. He’ll jump out of his monster truck. The wind will be to his back. He’ll pull out a cigarette and flick it skyward over his shoulder while he pulls out his lighter. The wind will catch the cigarette, sending it back to him like the perfect boomerang. Just before it reaches him, he will turn around, catch the cigarette in his lips, and light it after performing the most spectacular lighter trick ever seen by mankind.

“Let’s have beer or twenty!”, he will say.

Then we’ll walk in the bar and everything will suddenly get quiet. Airtwardo has arrived.

Without a word, the mass of people in the bar will suddenly part like Moses parting the Red Sea. Straight ahead is the bar, and there is airtwardo’s chair. It has a brass plaque with his name and image on it and nobody [I]dares[/I] sit in it except him.

We’ll hang out shooting the shit for a while and then, out of nowhere, all hell will break loose in the bar. It is the biggest bar fight in history.

“So, did I ever tell you about that time that I was wrestling 20 crocodiles and suddenly my cell phone rings, and it’s my favorite bookie, and….”

Suddenly, a flying barstool hits his beer and splashes a few drops out of the mug and onto the bar.

“Nobody fucks with my beer,” he says. “Nobody”.

He walks up to the guy who threw the barstool and the guy is looking terrified. With one swift move, airtwardo thrusts his hand into the guys chest, rips out his heart and, while it is still beating, sticks it in the guy’s shirt pocket and says, “At least it’s better than the fucker wearing his heart on his sleeve.”

After he casually walks back to the bar, he continues with his story.

“Yeah, anyway, I’m wrestling these 20 fucking pissed off crocodiles, and my cell phone rings….”

“I will never write another adventure story again…”, I think, “…unless it is about the adventures of airtwardo. Everything else is totally lame, by comparison.”

Later, walking out of the bar, he says, “Nice meetin’ ya’. Oh, and by the way, RevJim’s gonna be in town next week. Let’s all get together and shoot the shit!”

He then jumps in his monster truck and hauls ass out of the parking lot, destroying 35 cars on the way.

“Who the fuck was that guy?!!!”, a bystander asks.

“If I have to tell you, then you don’t deserve to know”, I say.

Quite the evening.

Walt

[piisfish 140]

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[RevJim 0]

Yep, you pegged him, except for that private jumbo jet that's gonna pick him up outside, and swoop him off to Paris!

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[airtwardo 7]

Wow Walt!

....first time anyone has every written anything abut me, that didn't have a bailbondsman involved!

Interesting assessment....

Guess I'll have to 'tone it down' some when we do meet!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[flyangel2 2]

When I meet Jim for the first time, I had no idea that was him. I had exchanged PMs with him, and chatted on a more personal level since we have a mutual friend that lives near me.

Jim is just a big teddy bear I did enjoy the hours spent with him picking his brain. He even told me some great bed time stories. Man, can that guy talk

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[IanHarrop 42]

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He even told me some great bed time stories.

Sounds like you had fun

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[waltappel 1]

Quote

When I meet Jim for the first time, I had no idea that was him. I had exchanged PMs with him, and chatted on a more personal level since we have a mutual friend that lives near me.

Jim is just a big teddy bear I did enjoy the hours spent with him picking his brain. He even told me some great bed time stories. Man, can that guy talk

I've been looking forward to meeting him for a while. We both live in Houston so it's pure coincidence that our paths have not crossed.

I'm thinking that if he is as interesting and fun in person as he is on dz.com, then he must be a lot of fun to hang out with.

Walt

[Amanduh 0]

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I did enjoy the hours spent with him picking his brain. He even told me some great bed time stories.

I agree! He has some awesome stories and is very willing to share them I met 'Jimmy' back in April at the Lew Sanborn Accuracy meet. I had been talkin to him online and couldn't wait to meet him in person! - especially after reading all the kick ace stories he had posted! I searched everywhere for him..took me about 2 hours to finally find him. Then, he was doomed! I forced him to sit and talk with me the remainder of the day It seemed all he was worried about though was forcing me to pose with the hooters girls...Jimmy..you perv!

Now...Walt, if you and Jimmy ever plan to meet up...I HAVE GOT TO BE IN ON THIS ONE!!!!!! I wouldn't want to miss this for the world; especially if its at a strip club!!!