My cousin comitted suicide today

[Monkeyb 0]

I am devastated. He was my cousin from Spain, 28 years old. I had not seen him in 10 years, but I have awesome memories of when we were younger, and really feel heartbroken. I wish I could have seen him one last time.

He was gay, and his parents did not approve. It caused him lots of pain and torment, and over time he began to hate life and who he had become. I wish the circumstances had been different, I don't care that he was gay, I still loved the guy and would have done anything in my power to prevent it.

What a shame that someone so young had to take his own life. He comitted suicide in the same manner as our grandmother, by throwing himself in front of a train.

I feel bad for so many reasons it's not really worth discussing, but I thought I would come here and share, because this is something I don't really feel like talking about with my real life peers. Even though I had not seen him in so long, I still feel horrible about this. I can't even bare to think what his sister, older brother, and parents are going through right now.

R.I.P. Josue, I will miss you very much :(

[noblesmelissa 0]

Wow, I am so sorry...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[MarkM 0]

Ahh shit dude, sorry to hear that.

[jumpinfarmer 0]

Sorry to hear.

[Deuce 1]

I'm sorry for you.

My uncle killed himself on thanksgiving two years ago and my sister more recently than that.

It hurts.

Rapture cannot come soon enough for some of us.

"Bring it Lord. Take me now!" can develop into suicide.

I'm sorry. I understand your loss and your frustration.

My prayers are with you.

JP

[kenz 0]

i am so sorry to hear about both of your losses... my thoughts and prayers are with you guys

"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me

[skydiver1717 0]

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? It is the same the angels breathe. — Mark Twain,

[deltablue 0]

Sorry to hear that.......

thoughts and prayers are with you

~He who looks outside his own heart dreams, he who looks inside his own heart awakens - Carl Jung~

My Space

[tantocoed 0]

My deepest condolences to you at what is supposed to be a joyful time of year.

[JUDYJ 0]

It's impossible to tell you how sorry I am that he is gone.

His pain must have been severe to think his only option was death.

MY thoughts and prayers are with you~~~

judy

IF you are going to be Stupid - you better be tough!

[Michele 1]

Ara, I am so terribly sorry to hear of your cousin's dispair. To get to the edge where it's more acceptable to be dead than it is to be alive is so desperate. I wish that somehow he could've seen that there is a value to living life, and that our value is not instrinsically tied to who we sleep with, what we do for a living (indeed, even making a living), or anything that is a temporary measure as to one's worth. Value - what matters in the end - is never counted by what we do; it is only counted by who we are. And he sounds as if he was a wondrous person.

I have been where your cousin and grandmother were. I have reached out to others and pulled them off the edge. I have, on occasion, helped families grieve and understand why someone chose to die rather than continue fighting. I can offer you my hand (ear, eye, shoulder) to listen and talk when you're ready.

Know that even though you hadn't seen him in 10 years, he and you are not seperate. You need only look as far as your memory; look inwards, hear his laugh, see his smile. Know that he now knows peace, the peace he wanted and searched for, and that he thought was not find-able here on this earth.

I know, also, that you're hurting right now. And all I can say is a heartfelt "I am so sorry" and again, reiterate that if you (or anyone else) needs an ear, I'm never farther than a pm.

Feel Peace. Know Love. Blessed be.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Dumpster 0]

Sorry to hear that, my friend.
I lost my father the same way in 1989.

Easy Does It

[Mockingbird 0]

I'm very sorry to hear this news. My prayers, too, are with you and your family.

[NWFlyer 2]

So sorry to hear this. It's an awful way to lose someone.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Monkeyb 0]

Thanks so much for the warm comments everyone, they are very, very, very appreciated. It really burns right now. I can't do anything but feel bad, and the worst part is I honestly, truly, know I could've prevented this if I was around to hear him out. I would've told explained that things aren't as they seem, and I know he would've listened, but due to circumstance I just wasn't around. Oh man, he has carried his pain on to me through this act. I wish I could have helped remedy his situation from the start :(

[kbordson 8]

Quote

and the worst part is I honestly, truly, know I could've prevented this if I was around to hear him out. I would've told explained that things aren't as they seem, and I know he would've listened, but due to circumstance I just wasn't around.

Please don't feel guilty for this.... You know that wasn't his desire.

He was just in pain. Hollow, sad and alone.... the type of pain that hurts despite what others might say or try to convince otherwise. He could have been surrounded by family and friends, told daily how important he was, but even despite that, sometimes the end just might need to come sooner.

It was not your fault. You are not to blame... Just understand that this was something beyond you.

I wish you strenght and comfort.

Karen

[JohnMitchell 16]

What a crying shame. He sounds like a great guy that had a lot to live for. I've lost a friend or two like that, one for the same reason your cousin left us. I wish people would be a little more accepting of some people's differences. How could they think they had no one that loved them and cared about them?

I hope you find some solace in our thoughts for you and your cousin.

[Elisha 1]

Quote

I'm sorry for you.

My uncle killed himself on thanksgiving two years ago and my sister more recently than that.

It hurts.

Rapture cannot come soon enough for some of us.

"Bring it Lord. Take me now!" can develop into suicide.

I'm sorry. I understand your loss and your frustration.

My prayers are with you.

JP

Woa man. That's.....really sad. My condolences. You WILL have a good Thanksgiving this year though.

• Quote

[sinker 0]

oh man. it was hard opening this thread, w/ the title and all, but I just had to...

i'm so very sorry for you, for your family, and for Josue. I'm sorry for the hell he endured and the conclusion he chose for his life.

please, please, try hard not to self-blame or even to place blame on others, even though some blame may seem to be justified. just pray, if you do, for peace and healing.

i wish you much love and consolation.

-the artist formerly known as sinker

[waltappel 1]

Quote

I am devastated. He was my cousin from Spain, 28 years old. I had not seen him in 10 years, but I have awesome memories of when we were younger, and really feel heartbroken. I wish I could have seen him one last time.

He was gay, and his parents did not approve. It caused him lots of pain and torment, and over time he began to hate life and who he had become. I wish the circumstances had been different, I don't care that he was gay, I still loved the guy and would have done anything in my power to prevent it.

What a shame that someone so young had to take his own life. He comitted suicide in the same manner as our grandmother, by throwing himself in front of a train.

I feel bad for so many reasons it's not really worth discussing, but I thought I would come here and share, because this is something I don't really feel like talking about with my real life peers. Even though I had not seen him in so long, I still feel horrible about this. I can't even bare to think what his sister, older brother, and parents are going through right now.

R.I.P. Josue, I will miss you very much :(

I'm feeling your pain. Hang in there--you've got plenty of people here sending vibes your way.

Walt

[jumpchikk 0]

That is completely awful. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

[1969912 0]

Except for the gay part, I know mutch better than I'd ever admit how someone could feel bad enough to do that. Condolences, and God Bless.

Jim Mullally 1969912

"Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ."
-NickDG

[charmsdroppop 0]

Gosh I am very sorry for your loss and I can understand your guilt. Please don't feel like you are to blame just like everyone else here has said. I had 2 non jumper friends take thier own lives and each one always wanted to go skydive "sometime", I always invited them to and sometimes I still wonder if I would've tried harder....they'd be alive from the great experience wanting to live.....you will feel bad for some time but also be that much stronger for him.

sincerely paquita

is it dark yet

[mdrejhon 8]

Quote

I am devastated. He was my cousin from Spain, 28 years old. I had not seen him in 10 years, but I have awesome memories of when we were younger, and really feel heartbroken. I wish I could have seen him one last time.

Ara! It must really and truly feel very painfully unfair and that you truly wish you did things differently.

Please don't go through burden of pain of carrying this regret as for the rest of your life!! Without a crystal ball, truly the possibility is there that it may not have made a difference, please don't feel the need to have the burden of feeling responsible for this loss;

Ara....I am realllllly sorry.....that you have to go through this. I send you big hugs back your way...

It's sad. Spain is one of the countries with legallized gay marriage but that can be a deceiving impression.... It has a segment of population that is so clearly strongly opposed.... unlike Canada where the opposed are either pretty tame or scattered and is so much easier to be gay nowadays....

[Orchid 0]

We don't know each other..........but I'm sorry about your sad news, and I sympathized......one of my counsins was murdered 2 week before Thanksgiving 5 years ago.

My condolences to you and your family.

"Love is doing small things with great love."

Lacrosse: Legally beating men with sticks since 1492