Sex and Casual Dating

[Squeak 17]

That's just odd

if you are dating and having casual sex, fine

But I would not be dating someone I didn't want to have sex with anyway. So if I were "dating a couple of people, I'd probably want to have sex with both of them (no necassarily at the same time, but what ever)

I'll go out with female friends and party with them but I consider dating to be a bit more serious than that.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[diablopilot 2]

Fair doesn't really come ito it. It's whatever you and that person are comfortable with. If they are not, then there's no point in worring about it.

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You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[rhino 0]

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Q: Is it fair to ask the partner you have chosen to sleep with you and only you, while both of you are "allowed" to date others?
ie: "You can date other people, but you can only sleep with me, and I can date other people but I will only sleep with you".

Sure it's fair. No, it's not realistic. No way to inforce policy..

[Shotgun 1]

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Sure it's fair. No, it's not realistic. No way to inforce policy..

Enforce policy??? How do you do that in a "normal" (non-casual) relationship? Other than either trusting them or keeping them on a leash 24/7?

I don't think I would want to date anyone (casual or non-casual) who thought in terms of "enforcing policy" regarding our relationship.

[Bolas 5]

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or keeping them on a leash 24/7?

That's a little more than casual.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[valcore 0]

Its an STD worry

The most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I'm from the government and I'm here to help’. ~Ronald Reagan

30,000,000 legal firearm owners killed no one yesterday.

[Bobster 0]

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IMO, going out with the guy your shaggin' is dating....all the others are "going out with friends"...not dates.

Okay Andy, stalking through the retirement homes and looking for "who's on the best medication" doesn't really count as dating.......You Grandmother fucker!

_________________________________________
Boboso Rodriguez

[pyke 0]

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IMO, going out with the guy your shaggin' is dating....all the others are "going out with friends"...not dates.

Hey Andy, I hear that there are lots of sr. care homes being evacuated for Hurricane Rita. You should consider a road trip down that way for some potential "dates"!! Hell, if you stand on the side of the road, it would be like your own private Mrs. America contest...you could even sing to them. I hear it helps soothe them when they are encountered with something uncomfortable and different....like DATING PAST THE AGE OF 70!!!

oh..and I think you should come back to bob's comment with something about his height...that would be quite original!!!

Kahurangi e Mahearangi,
Kiwi, RB #926, AFF-I, FAA Snr. Rigger, RN/BSN/Paramedic

[BillyVance 34]

If I were casually dating 2 or more ladies, I wouldn't been having sex with any of them. Only when I have an exclusive relationship with one will I do. In this day and age of AIDS and other STDs, enough said.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[chaoskitty 0]

Okay but I'm not asking how you feel about casual sex. I appreciate that you are good boys and girls.. and bad boys and girls.. but that wasnt the question!

[happythoughts 0]

To me, there are distinctions.
Acquaintance, Friend, Buddy-I-hang-out-with...

If it isn't going anywhere and we are just hanging out, we are just buddies. Therefore, no dating perks.

My scuba diving buddy is a woman. She pays for her own part of the room, boat, air, dinner, beer, whatever. She gets her own bed too.

If someone wants to cross the dating boundary, dating rules now apply. (And I don't put out unless it's a nice restaurant. )

[Thanatos340 1]

Casual Sex = Good if both parties understand that is what it is.

If you tell your partner that they cant sleep with anyone else... You are no longer having "casual" sex, You are now in a Relationship.

Seems like your "friend" wants a relationship with one guy (Exclusivity = relationship) but still wants to have other guys take her out places.

[chaoskitty 0]

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Seems like your "friend" wants a relationship with one guy (Exclusivity = relationship) but still wants to have other guys take her out places.

Or... perhaps none of them particularly rock her world.. but the company of several is better than the company of none. Just pick one to have sex with because she doesnt like to have multiple partners. And I'm not saying that she should have multiple partners either.

[NWFlyer 2]

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Seems like your "friend" wants a relationship with one guy (Exclusivity = relationship) but still wants to have other guys take her out places.

Or... perhaps none of them particularly rock her world.. but the company of several is better than the company of none. Just pick one to have sex with because she doesnt like to have multiple partners. And I'm not saying that she should have multiple partners either.

See, that's the part I don't get. Why bother settling for someone who does anything less than rock your world?

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Thanatos340 1]

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perhaps none of them particularly rock her world..

Then Why bother with any of them then. Just so she can be gettin some?? Sound like Guy mentality.

If that is the case.. She needs a good reliable fuck buddy untill she does find some one that rocks her world.

Why would she want to limit her options by making some Exclusivity deal with someone who doesn’t rock her world?

[chaoskitty 0]

Kris and Jay... all good questions.. but I'm not the one who can answer them.

[rmsmith 1]

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You are single and out and about in the dating scene. You are dating 2 or 3 or however many people.. but its all good because youre casually dating all of them.

This frequency of dating must be expensive.

[popsjumper 2]

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...
oh..and I think you should come back to bob's comment with something about his height...that would be quite original!!!

So Bob starts a war and needs to draft some help, I see.
As far as Bob's height, I didn't realize he was so sensitive about it....he's always been a big guy in my book.

Geez...if I could get a date with a rich 70-year old I would probably take it!

Oh, I was thinking more in terms of going back to the sheep....know what I mean?

Now can you quit hijacking Kitty's thread?

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[rhino 0]

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Enforce policy???

Sure... Let's say you and I are fucking our brains out every night.. And dating other people. You know I'm a horny devil, I know you are a horny she-devil... Unless you trust me IMPLICITLY massive amounts of insecurity and mistrust would come from me dating another woman. Policy being.. How do you really know I'm holding up to my end of the bargain.. How do I know you didn't just blow the guy you were on a date with?

An open relationship is just that. An open relationship. You are either faithful to each other or you are dating..

[yardhippie 0]

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Heres my new policy.. Dating: Don't Do It!
Think that would sell on a bumper sticker??

Hey hippie.. love that avatar! Thats my swoopin hippie!

amen. Screw a bunch of dating. Even when I was single I hated that crap. So I didnt do much of it. Although I always had female companions that I would share my time with, go places, do things, etc...

and yea, thats a bumper sticker that would sell. theres just wayyyyyy too much drama in dating.

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[popsjumper 2]

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.... theres just wayyyyyy too much drama in dating.

Agreed! Can't we just keep it on day-by-day basis and have fun until it's not fun anymore?

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[SkymonkeyONE 4]

I know more than a few people who have tried repeatedly and failed everytime when they tried to "prioritize" their "dates". Simply stated, if you are dating around, then you have no say whatsoever over what any of your likewise-dating-around boyfriends do. If you want a monogamous sexual relationship, then you need to refrain from stringing other guys along. It's also not fair for the other guys who are not getting laid in the deal. "What do you mean we can't have sex? You want to date me, yet you want to put restrictions on the relationship?" Personally, I don't see the point in that. Either you want to date around (and all that includes) because you don't want to be tied down to one person, or you are looking for one "decent" person.

We have one good friend here who regularly wrecked herself emotionally trying to do exactly what you propose. She was married (they swing), had a "primary" boyfriend, and at least three backup-date/bootie calls that she kept tiered in order of preference. Her house, phone bill, and life was a zoo.

Chuck

[popsjumper 2]

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...She was married (they swing), had a "primary" boyfriend, and at least three backup-date/bootie calls that she kept tiered in order of preference. Her house, phone bill, and life was a zoo.

Chuck

Is she taking applications?

Seriously, Kitty...I agree with Chuck...it's going to get complicated and messy...

Guy A (getting sex):
Are you sure that you are only having sex with me?
Guy B (not getting any)
Why him and not me?

Boys will be boys....

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[NSEMN8R 0]

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Q: Is it fair to ask the partner you have chosen to sleep with you and only you, while both of you are "allowed" to date others?

I think it's fair to the guy she decides to make this deal with, but what about the rest of the guys she's dating. Does she tell them she can only sleep with one person at a time and it's not going to be them?

To be fair to the rest, she should. But then who would want to date her? Unless blowjobs don't count. I guess it depends on her definition of "sleep with".

[Ashtanga 0]

Here is a good article I found...

Casual Sex
by Ivan Appleton


To understand women and dating better you really need to know about women's attitude toward casual sex.

Men pursuing casual sex do so far casual sex as an end in itself. Now some women may have casual sex in this way, but they are in a tiny minority. In fact, the idea of indiscriminate sex disgusts most women. To most women, "casual sex" is not casual at all, but part of evaluating a potential long term mate.

It may seem afterward that it was "just a fling", but in the back (or front) of the woman's mind, she is evaluating "where this is going." Put another way, women have sexual affairs with men that (for a time at least) they think may be potential husbands.

With this in mind we can at last explain the "too nice" or "nice guy" problem. Basically, a woman thinks you are "too nice" when you've dated but haven't made any sexual moves on her.

Remember, she's out to find a long-term mate, and part of what a long-term mate has is strong sexual attraction for her. When women complain about men who are "only after one thing", the emphasis is on "only".

They object to the man who is after sex AND NOTHING ELSE. Such a man is sexually indiscriminate and not good prospect as a long-term mate. But here's the point. Neither is a man who is NOT interested in her sexually good long-term mate potential. She wants a man sexually selective; selectively sexually interested in HER.

We can sum it up by saying that:

(i) for women sex and romance go together,

(ii) the "creep" (as women see it) wants sex without romance, and

(iii) the "nice guy" tries to have romance without sex.

So, if you have been called "too nice", it probably isn't some deep personality issue. More probably, it's just a mistaken assumption you've made about women. You've thought that because they complain about men "after only one thing" that they don't want sexual attention in dating.

You've jumped to the mistaken conclusion that if you are sincerely interested in her, you show your respect by not making the moves on her until you've dated quite a few times. That's wrong, you've got to be making moves on the second date at the very latest.

When you make moves on her, it tells her that you are interested in her sexually. But she still doesn't know if you are seeking sex without romance (i.e., a relationship), so she might rebuff your advance.

Here's the key step. She wants to know if you are after sex AND romance, not just sex.

If you get pushy, you don't respect her, so you are not after romance, and you don't REALLY care for her.

If you get angry and hurt, it means (to her) you were expecting casual sex.

If you never try again, it means you didn't really care, you were just after casual sex.

BUT, if you relax, pull back a bit, continue showing her attention and consideration, and then at some later point try again she might be convinced that you are "for real."

So, practically speaking, this means that you should (i) be making moves on her early on in dating, (ii) expect her to resist, and then when she does, respectfully withdraw your advance without resentment and continue being nice to her (you won't be called a "nice guy" for this, she WANTS you to be nice to her, you are "too nice" when you don't make sexual advances, that's all it means), (iii) try again next time, (iv) repeat either she fully rejects you or accepts you.

One last thing, notice this takes TIME. This is what sorts the serious suitors out from the guys after "only one thing" (who give up and move on to the next hopefully "easy lay").

This means that you should (i) really only be going after the girls you really like and are prepared to spend some time on (and perhaps in the end all for nothing), (ii) with these girls you really like, get rid of the idea that putting the moves on them is disrespectful, just do it.