what to do about unsupportive parents

[Lindsey 0]

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her parents arent giving her a full ride, she pays all her own bills, she works 40 hours a week and she pays for partial school. She should if she wants put her extra money where she wants...

I think if her parents are giving her any money at all, then she still lives with their rules. Her "extra" money is only there because of their support. There's nothing wrong with respecting them enough to at least not jump out of airplanes while they're paying the bills....

Peace~
linz

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[airgirl24 0]

man you guys get pretty reved up for someone you dont know.....crazy kids

but ya, i do work full time all summer so that i dont have to work full time while at school...but i still do work @ school. i pay for my house @ school, all utilities, books, all other expenses...gas, my car etc.

bottom line: all im saying is that i just wish they could say "we know you work hard all year, and we are proud of your determination to be in the profession you are going to school for, and we know you have your priorities in order...just be careful w. your $$, and have fun...we love you either way"

and i know my mom and dad....thats probably what they would say about ANYTHING Else...but this isnt jsut anything else.....and i dont have to tell you what it is.

and if someone told me that if i jumped one more time that i could never be what i wanna be...then i wouldnt think twice about throwing in the towel.

you can stop battleing...alll i was looking for were stories of how you guys delt w. your parents...i didnt ask for a lecture...if i wanted one, i think i know who id go to

they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath
..katie..
http://community.webshots.com/user/goalie85

[VampireGirl 0]

Start learning to pack NOW and start saving for your AFF. Don't do it until you can afford to pay for it yourself.

At least that way, you still get to hang around a DZ and get to know people/learn things.

XX

www.sneale-create.com

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Linz, I agree with you in a sense but think about how much money a college kid waste on other things. If she cuts back on those things, she should be able to do what she wants. Since they demand to not allow her to get loans. Their support should not be conditional when they wouldnt have issues with her money being spent on anything else. Skydiving is the issue, not the money. If she were to tell them "Im joining a bowling league and its going to cost me at min 5 grand this year but I love it and it makes me so very happy" they wouldnt have a issue with it, however replace bowling with a life or death sport and well there lies the issue.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[namgrunt 0]

as a father of 3 ,now grown children.

sounds like typical over protective parents

since parents think in $$$$ they think and react in $$$$

really they may only be concurned about you

just keep it to yourself
and jump if you want to.


..

59 YEARS,OVERWEIGHT,BALDIND,X-GRUNT
LAST MIL. JUMP VIET-NAM(QUAN-TRI)
www.dzmemories.com

[airgirl24 0]

true, very true...and i used to be on a bowling league..i swear to you

but anyway....its the $ issue to...sure id have to practically starve and not have a life like i did last year to make it work...but for that 5 min of bliss its worth it.

its jsut hard to swallow i guess for them that evertying they make goes for my education...while everything i make goes towards everything else for me, and now this.

why doesnt everyone chill out, and go for a jump..its a beautiful morning

they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath
..katie..
http://community.webshots.com/user/goalie85

[airgirl24 0]

thanks man....you hit the nail on the head

they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath
..katie..
http://community.webshots.com/user/goalie85

[wmw999 2,447]

The upshot is that her parents are scared of her skydiving, and they don't see it as responsible stewardship of their investment in her -- not just the money, but the whole "raising her from a baby" thing.

She can't change that by talking to them. She can find a way to support her skydiving, and live with the fact that they don't like it. She's only in charge of her own feelings and actions, unfortunately.

Yes, what she described would be nice. But apparently that's not going to happen. It doesn't sound like they're telling her to make a choice "skydiving or us."

The most powerful thing a kid can do is to be self-supporting in a positive way.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Ron 10]

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So does that mean she has to ask her parents for everything she does now? Should she get their approval for food shopping? What if she goes to just ramon noodles and water? That alone can save her 300 a month... Should she ask them before she goes to a movie? Or goes out and gets drunk???

There is a BIG difference between going out and getting some food or getting drunk and spending several grand on an activity.

I would say they probley would not let her go blow several grand on a European Vacation either.

She can:

1. Cut the puse strings, then she can do as she pleases.

2. Suck it up be thankful that her parents are trying to set her up for life and stop crying that they are not supporting her cause she wants a "hobby" that costs several grand.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[Lindsey 0]

I agree that skydiving is the issue....and it's a legitimate issue. It's really throwing their support in their face to make a decision to skydive against their wishes when they're paying the bills. That's different than drinking beer and eating pizza. You don't hear people talking about their circle of friends getting significantly smaller, year after year, from eating pizza and drinking beer.... Jumping out of airplanes is dangerous and expensive. Her parents are helping her get an education so that she'll have a promising future. Skydiving will be there in 4 years. Nothing wrong with a little delayed gratification.

--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

[FallingAngel 0]

I suppose I don't understand how someone can not be allowed to get a student loan? Maybe I'm missing something? Anyway, I would mostly suggest being financially able to stay current with the sport and realize that it is expensive. It can be hard to stay current while in school, more so than when working. I guess, for me, not knowing the whole situation, its hard to make a good suggestion.

Just a side note, there are lots of ways besides skydiving to have fun in school, enjoy it while you're there. I just graduated, and while I'm very happy with my job and being a "big girl", there are many aspects of school that I had and were so much fun, but really can't do anymore. IMO, if your parents are paying for school, and you're free to spend your money on anything but skydiving, I would recommend enjoy being a college student. Yes, you're an adult, but again, my own opinion is that the fun you have being in college is different than that of being done and out of college, both are great, but you only get 4 or so years of college fun, and many more years of "adult" fun.

[skybytch 273]

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and if someone told me that if i jumped one more time that i could never be what i wanna be...then i wouldnt think twice about throwing in the towel.

You can be seriously injured or die skydiving - yes, even on student jumps, could even be on your next jump, you can even do everything right on your skydive and still die or be seriously injured. Can you be what you want to be in a wheelchair? Who will be paying your bills (medical and living expenses) if you get injured?

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alll i was looking for were stories of how you guys delt w. your parents.

I was 24 years old, a single parent to a 6 year old and I worked for my parents when I started jumping. I had a handful of jumps before I told them because I knew they'd have a problem with it. They did - partly because they knew how much money I made (not much, since I was dumb and blew off their offer to pay my way through college) and partly because of my kid.

They were right, but at that age I wasn't gonna listen. Since they weren't paying my bills (I worked hard for the paycheck their businesses provided me) there wasn't much they could do beyond express their disapproval.

Skydiving can be as bad for your budget as doing drugs. Coming from someone who has put off utility bills to pay for jumps more months than I care to remember - you'll have a LOT more fun in this sport (and be a LOT safer) if you wait until you have a real job and can afford it.

Not to mention that by waiting you'll be showing respect to the people who are sacrificing things that they might want to do so you can be in the profession you've chosen.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

I agree on the currency issue. Its been a bitch for me. I think what is different is Im still in that newbie addicted phase where I still long to be in the sky , every waking moment. And SD is a drug. It can fulfill many needs. I dont know how to get her parents to support her jumping out of planes, they are afraid, hell Ill be scared when my own children do it , and I can picture me finding ways to stop it.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[airgirl24 0]

wow, i dont remember crying about it...i dont think i even asked anyone for a tissue


and if i won the lottery tomorrow...they would definetly say go to Europe over doing your AFF.

and just to say...the first time i went to europe..i payed for it, because it was something that i wanted....so theres sort of a trend.

im just having a hard time dealing w. doing something that i know they dont like....sure.. if you knew that your mom and dad would jump with you if they could take off work would make it SOOO much easier...but since its somethign that i know they wouldnt do on their deathbed...it kinnnnda makes it hard for me

they may have given me life but skydiving gives me breath
..katie..
http://community.webshots.com/user/goalie85

[haymangonzo 0]

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her parents arent giving her a full ride, she pays all her own bills, she works 40 hours a week and she pays for partial school. She should if she wants put her extra money where she wants...

Hear -Hear!
Her parents should support her and do the best they can for her as they're the ones responsible for putting her on this earth. They can't however expect to have total control of what she likes or dislikes or how she spends her money. I can understand her parents getting pissed at her if she would be using funds for her eduction to pay for her skydiving. If that isn't the case: Be Free and enjoy! Christ she works 40hours a week and goes to school! Be proud of her.

***
Nice to meet you toot!

[dbattman 0]

Not quite sure how to handle the parents- mine were always cool with it since they know I'm not going to run off and do something reckless. If it's local, have them come out for a Saturday afternoon and see for themselves.

If you still want to be active in the sport learn to pack tandems and rigs and bust ass on Saturday. You will earn more just one day a week at the DZ than 20+ hours as a student worker (I know- I spent more time working than I did sitting in class). Recruit at the college and bring in tandems for a referal fee. Bust ass Sunday night thru Friday on your studies and cut out every candy bar, vending machine Coke, student union coffee, every newspaper and magazine.

Once they see you are handling your college finances to the max they might soften a bit. Otherwise I wouldn't fight them too much on it- I remember being your age and it turns out my parents really did know what they were talking about.

[Ron 10]

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wow, i dont remember crying about it...i dont think i even asked anyone for a tissue

The title of this thread is "What to do about unsupportive parents".

Thats sure seems like you are crying about them not supporting you.

But the fact is they are spending plenty of money supporting you. You just don't like they are not supporting THIS.

And they have no reason to support it.

Its expensive and its dangerous.

They have every right to be concerned. You may not like it, which is why I gave you the two GOOD options you have, There are more.

3. You could still skydive against their wishes, and not tell them. If they find out expect a giant argument.

4. You could argue with them now.

I personally would thank my parents for supporting me, work like hell to make them proud of me and once I got out of school and become solvent on my own, do as I damn well please with my money.

But as long as they are paying for you to go to school you OWE it to them to do your best and not take them for granted.

You will of course not agree. You think that you have the right to do as you please. But the simple fact is as long as you are attached to your parents pocketbook thats just not true.

Get a degree, make tons of money and skydive your heart out.

And call your parent's right now and thank them for all they do for you everyday.

They are really doing what they think is best for you, and in this case they are correct.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[mailin 0]

I don't see this as only a money issue. LIke most parents, I'm sure they want to see her finish school and begin working int he real world as a responsible adult.

Skydiving accidents happen, even as students. She can't well finish school and fully participate in the real world as a parapalegic can she? Don't say it can't happen, it has and does.

Parents spend hundreds of thousands of dollars raising children for 18+ years - whats the problem with waiting just a few more when you can fully support yourself? Trust me, the sky isn't going anywhere. In the mean time you can learn as much as possible about the skydiving world and do tandems when money allows. You'll notice the time will go by faster then you though and when you finally have a paying job and can blow ALL your money on skydiving you'll be better off for it.

Skydiving is expensive. In my first year I've already spent over $7000 on gear and jumps (and I don't have many if you notice), let alone tunnel camps and traveling. Do you have that lying around? Cause chances are pretty good you'll be spending that much in your first year too. Wait until you can afford it on your own. You'll be safer for it.



Jen

Arianna Frances

[windcatcher 0]

I don't have to handle them at all. I pay for my own bills, tuition, health insurance,everything, and paid for all my own skydiving gear and many of my jumps. ( not all of my jumps though). If they are working hard for you so you don't have any loans, be thankful and tell them. Maybe you can work extra and pay for skydiving on your own; but I agree with them, they are already paying for school and shouldn't expect to pay for an expensive hobby. Just my 2 cents

hope something good happens!

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[livendive 8]

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just keep it to yourself
and jump if you want to.

Agreed. And watch your spending so you don't end up asking your parents to subsidize your lifestyle/education more than they've already agreed to.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Elisha 1]

Divorce them - they suck.

Nah, I'll go back and read the responses now.

• Quote

[davedlg 0]

I did my first two tandems in college. I very much wanted to go through AFF at that time. I decided that there was no possible way to afford it. So, I waited a few years, graduated, got a 'real' job and started skydiving again. I can now afford to pay for it...there is absoloutely no way I could have afforded it in college. In the year since I started jumping, I have spent approx $7,000 on the sport.

About my parents, I managed to get my dad to show up at a dropzone when I was jumping. I showed him how the parachute system works while I was packing it, I explained how the cutaway and reserve systems work. He watched all the landings in the landing area. I think seeing it first hand really helped him understand. In fact the only concern he had after a few hours of watching landings was that I would downsize too quickly and start high speed landing approaches before I was ready...smart guy for a whuffo, huh?

There's a lot of good advice in this thread. Your relationship with your parents and getting through College is really more important than skydiving in the long run.

[rehmwa 2]

Can't help you here. The day I left home was the day I paid my own way. I worked more than full time at school while taking full time classes. One small loan the last year when the scholarships dried up a bit. It was paid off ahead of schedule. (correction - I borrowed $200 from my mother one semester to pay bills. I paid her back $250 plus dinner one year later)

I started skydiving in college. Left school to my first professional job with two rigs and several hundred jumps. It's doable, even from a poor family like mine if you want to work enough at both a job and school.

Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. Every extra cent you make should go to reducing your dependency on the parents. Once that string is completely cut (100% - no exceptions) - only then can you go do something they disapprove of. Whether they are right or wrong, now that you are an adult - they owe you nothing and are doing you a huge favor.

Kids keep the entitlement attitude much later in life nowadays, it's strange.

It's decision time - are you an adult? or just a dependent? Adults pay their debts. If you want to be the dependent, it's not evil, but the relationship is not an adult relationship, it's "child and parents" not "adult and parents" and the rules are there accordingly.

This all changes if the parents are loaning you the money with the expectation of payback. But if it's a gift, then I stand by it.

Now you might decide to cut the parents financial strings, but still request daddy and mommy to cosign your student loans. As long as you own the responsibility for paying the loans, you are still your own person and can make your own choices. That's an option. Else quit jumping until they stop giving you the conditional gifts.

(How they handled the siblings has absolutely nothing to do with your situation BTW).

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[peregrinerose 0]

As one who did not have parental financial support through college, I have to agree with your parents. If you have the money to jump, you should be using that money to alleviate the burden on your parents, not screwing around in the sky (yet!) It is your brain that they are investing in, take that seriously.

The sky isn't going anywhere, and to truly get into jumping, you are talking about $2000 for AFF and another $2000 for used equipment. That $4K would go a long way in your educational process.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[Elisha 1]

OK, now that I've read the responses, I'll just say I agree with those that said to respect your parents until you can financially support yourself.