Stumpy 284 #1 July 1, 2005 I could do with a laugh today.... Edited to add mine.... FROM BRITISH NEWSPAPERS! 1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gasbill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph) 2) Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News) 3) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian) 4) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common". (The Times) 5) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express) 6) Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'" (Bournemouth Evening Echo)Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #2 July 1, 2005 A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room." Just to clarify..........this is a JOKE and NOT a personal experience. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Stumpy 284 #3 July 1, 2005 Cheers - first laugh of the day!!! Never try to eat more than you can lift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #5 July 1, 2005 BWAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver51 0 #6 July 1, 2005 I'm off work today and have a four day weekend!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #7 July 1, 2005 QuoteI'm off work today and have a four day weekend!!!!! That's just not funny. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
