-What's the worst thing you ever said to a cop??

[Salsa_John 0]

15 working at mcdonalds. At closing we get a cop escort to the bank for the manager. I was outside when he rolled up. I yelled, "the pig is here" to the manager inside. He got on his PA and went oink oink.

I nearly shit my pants...

"You did what?!?!"

MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez

[skybytch 273]

"Oh shit, it would be you" to the cop that had just pulled me over for speeding for the third time in as many months.

Yeah, he gave me a ticket - but only wrote me for doing 5 miles over the speed limit when I was doing 20 over, didn't have my driver's license, was rather tipsy (and underage) and had two rather tipsy, underage friends with beers in their bags with me.

[tigra 0]

One time we got stopped leaving a bar around 2:00 am, totally random stop like they do sometimes outside bars at that hour. My bf was driving and although he'd been drinking too, he was OK. ME? I was pretty well toasted. The cops made him go through all the sobriety tests and at one point they had him stand on one leg and put his finger on his nose or something. I yelled out, "No Honey, Don't! He didn't say Simon says!" I guess he was lucky cops don't give tickets to people for driving obnoxious drunks around!

[IFallFast 0]

I was in a Bar in Germany drinking with some friends, and some Polizei came in and asked if they could have a word with me. I went outside with them and they explained that there was a fight in the same bar a few weeks back and the bartender got pictures of it. they told me I was in the pictures. They then said that they were going to take me to the station and take my picture and compare the 2. This whole conversation was in English.

once they were done thoguh, they starting speaking to eachother in German how they were going to nail this stupid American and how he is so screwed. How they wish the Americans would just leave Germany and stop intruding on them bla bla bla.

Then they turned to me and said "ok we are going to the station now"
I replied "Ich Verstehe Alles." (Translation: I understand it all). they were pretty ashamed of themselves and were fairly polite for the rest of the picture taking event. When it was over, they drove me back to the bar.

On a side note, when they were taking the piture, I wanted to do the Usual Suspects line up scene where he yells "GIVE ME THE FUCKING KEYS YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER AAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Maybe next time.

I like Beans

[dunesurfer 0]

In my defense, the stupidest thing I said was in response to a really stupid question from the officer:

Cop:do you have any weapons?
Me: where would I have one, up my ass??
When questioned, I am standing in front of my car naked after my girlfriend and I were "caught in the act"

[alw 0]

1973 - National Reactor Testing Station - Idaho 2:00 A.M.

This place is so dark and so flat you can see a car's lights coming from Montana. I'm the only car on the only road. Long - bad - day and I've got a 76 mile drive to get home from teaching wiz kids how to keep from killing themselves with small subatomic particles.

To save 15 seconds I just drove through the stop sign. I'm not suggesting that I was justified, right, or that the incident was in any way excusable. I just think there is a level beyond which the letter of the law is down right dumb.

The policing force for this national reservation was a private contracting firm, and one of their finest pulled out from a depression in the desert with lights and sirens to run me down - I was actually going the speed limit because I hadn't had time to accelerate to the usual 90 mph for that stretch of road.

It went something like this:

rent-a-cop: "O.K. let's see you pilot's license"

me: nothing spoken just glared and handed him my private pilot's license.

rent-a-cop: "So . . . you're a wise guy"

me: "No sir, I'm military, I follow orders"

rent-a-cop: "I'm tired of you government types, you think you own this place."

me: "We do"

rent-a-cop: "well it won't do you any good today punk"

me: "goodbye"

I then proceded to demonstrate the relative acceleration and velocity principles as they apply to a turbo TransAm vs. a Ford Galaxy 500.

The rest of the story:

My C.O. was pretty pissed when I got to his office two days later. But, from him I got only a warning and driving privilages removed for 30 days - which meant I had to ride a bus to work - and sleep an extra hour in the morning. (Please don't thow me in the briar patch)

---------------------------------------------
Every day is a bonus - every night is an adventure.

[masterrig 1]

It's not what I said, it's what I did. I was in my truck at a red light. Across the intersection was a deputy. I made eye contact with him and gave him the 'bird'! My wife at the time, about fell-out. The light turned green and as we passed each other, we waved and grinned... I had known the deputy for a long time. He and I later laughed about it at the DZ.


Chuck

[BillyVance 34]

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It's not what I said, it's what I did. I was in my truck at a red light. Across the intersection was a deputy. I made eye contact with him and gave him the 'bird'! My wife at the time, about fell-out. The light turned green and as we passed each other, we waved and grinned... I had known the deputy for a long time. He and I later laughed about it at the DZ.

The look on your wife's face had to be priceless!

Chuck

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[livendive 8]

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on the front of my shirt in big white letters was written....

"COPS LIE."

he didnt like it very much

A buddy and I got hassled for not putting money in a parking meter (we were sitting in the car just watching the gals rollerblade by in bikini's). Cop searched the car and discovered a license plate that I'd found and my buddy's duty belt, including his night stick. He then noticed my "millions of dead cops" t-shirt. Arrested us both (not returning lost property for me and concealed weapon for my friend). We spent 4 days in jail for that one.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[masterrig 1]

Not just the look but, the riot act she read me for doing it. I just laughed.


Chuck

[masterrig 1]

We have a young guy, who lives in the neighborhood who had a bright yellow 2002 Mustang. On the back window in matching letters (like from a sign co.) was: 'Bad Cop... No Donut!' He used to cruise through the neighborhood with the old bass turned-up. Just a few weeks after getting that car, he got in a drag racing wreck on one of the streets here. My wife, was working arraignments one morning and this guy's case came up. The file was handed to the judge. Right on top of the stack of 8x10 glossies was a photo of the back window of that wrecked Mustang! The end result was, a suspended license for 1-yr.! Hee, hee!


Chuck

[airtwardo 7]

I got the 'nod' from a female CHP once because I made her laugh...


...She walks up to my Jeep and asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
~I said, "No why..did YOU forget?"


She asked for my license...I told her I didn't have it,
she searched the jeep and found my wallet...

"You just LIED to me!"

I looked her straight in the eyes and said~

"You're right....but....it's Midnight, you're a tall pretty blonde...it's force of habbit!"


She cut me loose....!


...Mr. Cool Cop~
Once in San Diego...I passed out in the same jeep...no top, doors off...and it's raining....at a bar near the Stadium.
I have a "Skydivers Are Good-To the Last Drop" bumper sticker on it...

This SDPD wakes me up...asks if I'm a jumper....then takes me to Denny's to sober up!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[JustChuteMeNow 0]

I had been to a party where I had been drinking pretty heavy and when the cop pulled me over he asked, " Do you know how fast you were going?" I replied, "I don't know because I wasn't looking at my thermometer."
The cop was a highway patrolman and actually pretty cool. He made me park my car and find another way home. I found out the next day that he knew my Dad fairly well when Dad called and asked me how the thermometer on my car was working.

Think of how stupid the average person is and realize that statistically half of them are stupider than that.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

"Wow, you've got a huge penis"

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[jdfreefly 1]

All of this on the same stop. Pulled over for alledgedly shouting asshole out the window at this local cop on a traffic stop. I didn't yell it, so I was a little standoffish. After he ran my name, he was going to let me go, but first he wanted to give me a stern talking to.....

Cop: "You know you should have more respect for officers of the law. You can't just -"
Me (cutting in): "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Can I have my license back, I'm late for work?"
Cop: "That's it, I'm writting you up."
Me: "Good!"

Ten minutes later after a second car shows up, he comes back to ask me if the address on the license is my current address. Once again, I cut in.

Me: "Was I really so threatening that you had to call for backup?"

They really didn't like that one! Then, finally, when they came back to the car to give me the ticket for dissorederly conduct:

Cop: "You know, I'm letting you off easy. I should handcuff you, take you down to the station and fingerprint you and take your mug shot."

I pull the keys from the ignition, hand them to my friend in the passenger seat, put my wrists together, and hold them out the window.

Me: "Come on then, handcuff me. Take me jail, let's go!"

He threw the ticket and my license at me, called me an asshole and stormed off. I found it hillarious that in the end, he called me an asshole, which was precisely what he had pulled me over for.

Methane Freefly - got stink?

[BillyVance 34]

You got balls, that's for sure...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[4201 0]

I said "fuck you u fucking pig". Then he threw me on the ground. but it was worth it, i still think he's a fucking pig.

[wartload 0]

At one of the of the small DZs where I jumped in the past, one of the pilots was a NC State Trooper ... and a really nice guy. He worked I-95 quite a bit, and he told me--from his perspective--what the worst thing was that you could say to a Highway Patrolman ...

First, you have to be in a car with NJ tags, having just been stopped for doing 20 mph over the speedlimit. Then, in a nasal NJ accent, you say:

"Fer chrissakes, offfisuhrrr, what's da fuggin' PRAHBLEM???!"

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I'd also suggest NOT saying, "Thanks for the ticket, Barney. Don't drop your bullet, and tell Andy and Opie that I said 'hey'!"

========

Then there was the up-and-coming local drunk who got pulled for doing 95 mph. The sheriff, who knew the young hellion well, asked him ... "Billy, do you know how many feet it would take you to stop this car at 95 mph?"

Billy thought for a minute, then slurred, "You was tryin' to trick me, Tom. It's TWO! One for the brake, and t'other one for the clutch!"

[wartload 0]

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... which meant I had to ride a bus to work - and sleep an extra hour in the morning. (Please don't thow me in the briar patch)

Sort of like me getting punished with confinement to the boat -- effective the day that we left on patrol for over 90 days.

[wartload 0]

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... at 2am, in a town too small for a traffic light, with about a dozen foot tall pot plants on the floor in the back seat.

NOW I understand why you thought that "Clerks" was a good movie!

[BenHall 0]

My buddies and I were hangin out late one night in parking lot when a cop came by to see what we were up to. He told us we'd have to leave, due to a city park curfew or whatnot... Conversation turns to me being in the AF, and right before he drove off the cop said that he had been in the navy and jokingly said I should have too. That when I informed him I wasn't homosexual and therefore wouldn't be allowed to! He liked the joke but man the look I got from my buddies! They won't let me talk to cops anymore haha.

[masterrig 1]

That's about like the one where an old cowboy got pulled over by a state tropper for speeding. When the officer told the cowboy he was going to write him a ticket, the cowboy noticed the trooper swatting the air around his face.
The trooper asked the cowboy what kinda flies those were. The cowboy responded; 'buzz flies!'
The trooper asked; 'Buzz flies?' Never heard of 'em!
The cowboy say's; 'Yeah! Funny to see 'em out here though. Usually, they're buzzin' around a pile'a horse-shit!'


Chuck

[Tink1717 2]

"Your eyes appear to be glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?" yep, I really said that. (But I have known this cop a long time and we had this as a running gag).

Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off.
-The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!)
AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717

[JohnRich 4]

"No"...

...when he asked me to voluntarily grant him permission to search my vehicle without probable cause.

Some of them really don't like that.

I ended up with five police cars around me, then handcuffed in a back seat "for my own safety", and my car towed to an impound lot where it was searched anyway. Upon finding nothing, a drug-sniffing dog was called in, which still found nothing. Three hours later I was released, with no charges, but had to pay to get my car out of the impound lot.

I'll still say "No" the next time.

Alabama. I-10.

[JakGramley 2]

Fifteen years ago a female friend of mine was pulled over for goosing the gas pedal on her car to get the back end to break loose on a freeway off ramp just to make things a little interesting. When the cop came up to her car window her opening comment was, "What's the matter officer, Duncan Donuts closed?" I asked her if she got a ticket and she told me, "No, but I had to blow him to get out of it!"

Jack Gramley
Computer Consultant