skinnyshrek 0 #1 May 27, 2005 Deaf Mafia A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter. Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.) The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him." Mobster: "I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!" (Interpreter again signs.) The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth. He had to get rid of it." The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!" (Interpreter signs his statement.) The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet." The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger." Researchers tell us that only about 25 percent of what is said can be understood by lipreading. For example: Suppose a woman says: "This place is a mess! C'mon, You and I need to clean this place up, Your stuff is lying all over on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear tomorrow unless we do the laundry right now!" Her lipreading husband will get: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW! An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?" She replied, "For the third time, Yes i SUPPOSE YOU'LL START THE FAT JOKES SOON..HEHEHEhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Revillusion 0 #2 May 27, 2005 You're not fat, ur big boned. VIRTUS JUNXIT MORS NON SEPARABIT Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #3 May 27, 2005 BWAAHHHAAA!!! Those were good Skinnyshrek. Here's one for ya, An old man and his wife go to the doctor for his yearly checkup. The doc tells the old man "I need you to give me a semen sample, a urine sample and a stool sample". The old man (being hard of hearing) says "WHAT'D HE SAY?" The doc tells him again and the old man says "WHAT'D HE SAY?" The old man's wife yells in his ear " THE DOCTOR SAYS HE WANTS YOUR UNDERWEAR!" Later,"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skinnyshrek 0 #4 May 27, 2005 I see ya all over the dublin video bob who did you blow to get that much coverage? DEAF GERMANS: A young deaf American was taking a vacation overseas. He got a Eurail pass and toured Holland, France, Belgium, and a bunch of other places before ending up in Germany. At his first village, he went into a pub and there, off in the corner, were three older German gentlemen who were signing. They appeared to be deaf. The young man watched and figured he could understand the signs enough to carry on a conversation. He got a beer and asked if they would allow him to join them, and they did. They chatted about this and that, and soon conversation gave way to how each of them became deaf. The first older German said, "Well, I was a soldier in WWII, and my platoon was hit by a big American mortar, and it exploded near my head, and I lost all my hearing." The American boy was kind of saddened by this. The second German went on:" I was in a UBoat and my job was to listen for enemy ships. An American destroyer dropped a depth bomb on my ship, and it went off very close to it, and I lost my hearing as a result." Oh no, thinks the young American. How awful. The third German held forth: "I was in a plane, and we were struck by a bomb, and it went off right next to me, and it blew out my ears, and that is how I lost my hearing." Well, that was just awful, the young American thinks. My country is indirectly responsible for these poor chaps going deaf. He was sad about this until they asked him how he became deaf. Smiling, he signed, "Well, before I was born, my mom got German measleshttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #5 May 27, 2005 ***I see ya all over the dublin video bob who did you blow to get that much coverage? Quote The list is long BUT distinquished!"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skinnyshrek 0 #6 May 27, 2005 I bet the list is long. You can see how much irtime i got bastards!!!!! Then again we were in the swamp trailer most nights except saturday...lol One day a blind man goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The blind man is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. Later a man in wheelchair comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The wheelchair man is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a box of dozen muffins waiting at his door. A deaf man comes for a hair cut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber wrote on paper: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week. The deaf man is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door.http://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites PsychoBob 0 #7 May 27, 2005 ***The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door. Quote HEE HEE!!!!!"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #8 May 27, 2005 Quote***The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door. Quote HEE HEE!!!!! I see that kind of thing in the deaf community ALL the time! You'd be surprised how many slackers on Disability pay there is... But that there was still funny! Thanks Shrek, but I've heard them all before. Pun intended! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skinnyshrek 0 #9 May 27, 2005 ok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lolhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #10 May 27, 2005 Quoteok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lol Here's one... You so fat that if you biffed in the swoop pond, there would be no more swoop pond! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
skinnyshrek 0 #6 May 27, 2005 I bet the list is long. You can see how much irtime i got bastards!!!!! Then again we were in the swamp trailer most nights except saturday...lol One day a blind man goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The blind man is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. Later a man in wheelchair comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The wheelchair man is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a box of dozen muffins waiting at his door. A deaf man comes for a hair cut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber wrote on paper: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week. The deaf man is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door.http://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PsychoBob 0 #7 May 27, 2005 ***The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door. Quote HEE HEE!!!!!"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it" RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #8 May 27, 2005 Quote***The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door. Quote HEE HEE!!!!! I see that kind of thing in the deaf community ALL the time! You'd be surprised how many slackers on Disability pay there is... But that there was still funny! Thanks Shrek, but I've heard them all before. Pun intended! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skinnyshrek 0 #9 May 27, 2005 ok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lolhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #10 May 27, 2005 Quoteok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lol Here's one... You so fat that if you biffed in the swoop pond, there would be no more swoop pond! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
BillyVance 35 #8 May 27, 2005 Quote***The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen deaf people waiting at his door. Quote HEE HEE!!!!! I see that kind of thing in the deaf community ALL the time! You'd be surprised how many slackers on Disability pay there is... But that there was still funny! Thanks Shrek, but I've heard them all before. Pun intended! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skinnyshrek 0 #9 May 27, 2005 ok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lolhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #10 May 27, 2005 Quoteok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lol Here's one... You so fat that if you biffed in the swoop pond, there would be no more swoop pond! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
skinnyshrek 0 #9 May 27, 2005 ok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lolhttp://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #10 May 27, 2005 Quoteok i'll come up with some better ones.. maybe you could get some fat jokes for me...lol Here's one... You so fat that if you biffed in the swoop pond, there would be no more swoop pond! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
