Amanduh 0 #1 April 19, 2005 How to Shower Like a Woman: Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, a loofa sponge, pumice stone and the moisturizing soap. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Spray walls with Tilex "Fresh Shower". Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex Mildew . Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in special, super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man: Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the Homer Simpson "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt and do the muscle-man pose to show that six pack (or keg!). Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Don't worry about the nasal remnants stuck to the walls or tub. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you. Have a Great Day! And, "woo-woo"!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kid_Icarus 0 #2 April 19, 2005 That is sooooo Funny. I so blow my nose in the shower. I especially like th "woo woo" noises. ________________________________________ "What What..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pyke 0 #3 April 19, 2005 Whoa... I've met you once and you already know how I shower.... Scary!!! Kahurangi e Mahearangi, Kiwi, RB #926, AFF-I, FAA Snr. Rigger, RN/BSN/Paramedic Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflyimpaired 0 #4 April 19, 2005 My wife has never been impressed with the "woo woo" and I don't understand why not. "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BRYANGOESBOOM 0 #5 April 19, 2005 ROLMAO Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. so fucking true Not only will you look better, feel better, and fuck better; you'll have significantly increased your life expectancy. --Douva Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DShiznit 0 #6 April 19, 2005 Pretty close, but I pee first thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #7 April 19, 2005 Amanda, I've read this on here before, and I was DYING of laughter because it's so freaking true! I showed it to my boyfriend who also was laughing hysterically with me over this. Now, he still blatantly "woo woos" me whenever he can... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #8 April 19, 2005 Hahaha!! THAT'S what's been missing - the woo woo! I'll have to tell him to do that next time... Let's see: Scrubby and moisturizing soap, check; Fancy organic shampoo and conditioner, check; blow nose, fart, shampoo mohawk, check; special, super-absorbant hair towel, check. Yep, I know how to shower! you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #9 April 19, 2005 You shower like a hermaphrodite! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #10 April 19, 2005 No I don't!! What? A girl can't blow her nose and laugh at her farts in the shower? That's a good time - try it! you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #11 April 19, 2005 Don't you know the rule? You can laugh at your own farts anywhere but in the shower. Geez. You didn't read the manual, did you? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #12 April 19, 2005 Huh? There's a manual? Ahdamnit! And all this time I've been winging it! Farts in the shower are extra funny! Let's all make tomorrow "Fart In The Shower And Laugh About It Day"! Who's with me? you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goose491 0 #13 April 19, 2005 Yo! That was pretty acurate. Only things worth correcting (for me) are: QuoteWash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. The moment the water hits me I realise... peeing is the First thing I do in the shower. and QuoteAdmire wiener size in mirror again. They say "again" because this is after you've showered... seeing as I spend the last 10-20 seconds of each shower in torturously cold water... I omit this step. My Karma ran over my Dogma!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #14 April 19, 2005 I can't. I'm single. (I'm sure someone will get that). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justaflygirl 0 #15 April 19, 2005 Okay, Im so scared now.... why could I personally relate more to the way a guy does it than the girl? Well except for the woo woo noises of course, Thank God above that I dont have one of those things!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
goose491 0 #16 April 19, 2005 Quote(I'm sure someone will get that). Don't think I'm not trying.... ouch... thinking this hard hurts My Karma ran over my Dogma!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #17 April 19, 2005 Single girls don't fart. We can't, if we ever want to get laid again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeJumper 0 #18 April 19, 2005 QuoteI can't. I'm single. (I'm sure someone will get that). Ugh!!! The Original Cabana Boy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #19 April 19, 2005 Pffffrrrrrrttttt!!! Hahahahaha!! (Not single = can fart with impunity) you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OrangeJumper 0 #20 April 19, 2005 QuotePffffrrrrrrttttt!!! Hahahahaha!! (Not single = can fart with impunity) Yep, you solidified my single status. The Original Cabana Boy! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
haniel32 0 #21 April 19, 2005 just fell off my chair this was so funny! Face first landing YET again! "I thought I flared" Grass tastes great!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumper03 0 #22 April 19, 2005 Quote Single girls don't fart. and they wonder why the get cramps every 28 days.... Scars remind us that the past is real Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #23 April 19, 2005 It forgot the most important part!!! While waiting for the conditioner, take down the handheld shower head and switch it over to mild pulsating and throughly "clean" other areas that might be "dirty".... after once, twice or even more... then switch it back to the gentle shower and rinse the conditioner out of hair. DUH! Everyone should know that step! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #24 April 19, 2005 Yeah, we know that step. you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #25 April 19, 2005 Oh... was I not supposed to tell that step.... women's secret sort of thing? I hope that it doesn't mean that I've shared too much. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
