more of a serious post...how do you think you can improve the quality of your relationships with other people?

[windcatcher 0]

Okay, I know this thread may be a little serious, but lately I have been thinking how fun it would be to go to Grad School ( if I ever graduate college), and pursue a masters in family counseling.( though, it's just a fun idea, nothing too serious yet)

Sooooo, since I am so interested in helping people's relationships be restored/strengthened, I was just curious to ask you guys a simple or not-so-simple question: how do you think you can improve the quality of relationships with those around you?
I mean, I believe there are ways/things people can learn to do, in order to have more satisfying relationships...anybody care to share with me what you think?

please, I love this stuff!

Sarah

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[Muenkel 0]

Listen...with an open mind.

Good luck with grad school.
Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[2fat2fly 0]

If you decide to pursue that career track-shoot me a PM and I'll put you in touch with my wife. She just finished her Master's in December and is a councilor now. She'll probably have realistic advise.
Don't hold my personality against her, I was way messed up before we met, but she's making progress on me

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[freakshow 0]

thats pretty much what I was going to say...Listen more then you talk

B.L. (the brain)

[d_squared431 0]

The key is being able to read others emotions, listening, and taking the time to hear what the other person is actually trying to say. Often most people listen but don't hear a word that is being said.

TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1
I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH
You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly

[Ripple 0]

Here's my take:

Not having any 'shoulds' - He should behave like this, she shouldn't do that, etc. What someone does they do. Makes no difference what I think they 'should' do. It just gets me het up and makes for a row.

Respecting the others point of view, putting yourself in their shoes. I guess this is pretty hard to do at times, I've found it easier when I have stopped taking things personally. Like if my partner is late, not thinking he was doing it just to piss me off!

Self-talk can be really negative. You know, when we talk ourselves into bad states "Oh why didn't he call? Maybe he's busy. Maybe he's busy seeing someone else. Maybe he's busy seeing someone else and having a better time than he does with me. Maybe he's busy seeing someone else and having a better time than he does with me and so he's going to marry her!"

So only using self-talk for good things -"I can do that really scary, exciting thing that will challenge me and make me feel good"

Next Mood Swing: 6 minutes

[bobsled92 0]

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Listen...with an open mind.

Good luck with grad school.
Chris

i AGREE WITH THAT.
i HAVE TO LEARN to listen and not be so gunho to share my info.
(I tend to hate dead silence when sitting with others around....I'm from N.Y.)

_______________________________
If I could be a Super Hero,
I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year.
http://www.hangout.no/speednews/

[Tonto 1]

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how do you think you can improve the quality of relationships with those around you?

By having a good relationship yourself.

When I see a preist trying to council a couple - I'm reminded of mechanics who don't own cars and male gynecologists. What are they basing their experience on?

Relationships are really very simple, but we choose to complicate them (or not) by the actions we take each day.

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[Gralala 0]

Listening and true communication... By true communication, saying how we feel even if it's not the "right" thing or we're afraid it'll upset the other person. It's funny, but my hubby and I "talk" in the evenings in the hot tub, it's an our time to be frank about what's going on with us, our family, work and other stuff. Some nights it's 10-15 minutes, other nights the water gets cool as we hash out things... Another thing is the old adage about "Not going to sleep on your wrath/anger"... It's a work in progress...It doesn't always work out how we feel it should, but it's working!!

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." -- Helen Keller

[Gralala 0]

Laughing...Too funny about OB/GYN's.. I think it depends on the Doc, but I love my male OB/GYN, he doesn't make me uncomfortable and honestly he listens to what I'm telling him...

You're right though.. Isn't it funny how those people who have never had children or raised children write all the self-help books on child rearing?

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." -- Helen Keller

[Vallerina 2]

I'm not sure who said it here, but they made a good point when it comes to intimate relationships: treat that person better than anyone else. You choose to spend more time with that person than anyone else for a reason, so shouldn't that be the person that you are the nicest to?

How can I personally improve my relationships? Not take my bad days out on others.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Vallerina 2]

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Too funny about OB/GYN's.. I think it depends on the Doc, but I love my male OB/GYN, he doesn't make me uncomfortable and honestly he listens to what I'm telling him...

Me, too! My male ob/gyn is the best one I've ever had.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[Salsa_John 0]

Listen more and not just hear...

"You did what?!?!"

MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez

[missg8tordivr 0]

Quote

Listening and true communication... By true communication, saying how we feel even if it's not the "right" thing or we're afraid it'll upset the other person. It's funny, but my hubby and I "talk" in the evenings in the hot tub, it's an our time to be frank about what's going on with us, our family, work and other stuff. Some nights it's 10-15 minutes, other nights the water gets cool as we hash out things... Another thing is the old adage about "Not going to sleep on your wrath/anger"... It's a work in progress...It doesn't always work out how we feel it should, but it's working!![Cool]

I totally agree with you!! It is great that you guys can sit and talk about stuff like that, it is very important. I am also a firm believer in the 'not going to bed angry' thing.

COMMUNICATION is definetly the key to any relationship. You have to be able to listen, which I do well, and say what you feel, something that I do not do so well....but I am working on it. There are usually ten different things that I want to say going around in my head, but when it comes out of my mouth sometimes it doesn't come out right.

People will react to the same comment differently, so you have to be able to figure out what to say, and what not to say to certain people. Most importantly, it is how you say it.

Something else I have found out is that everyone wants to know that they are not alone. Even a quick note to say "Hi, how ya doing" to someone you haven't seen in a while can really brighten someones day.

It is all about love....and respect

*Jean

***
F LORIDA!

[livendive 8]

Listen, then consider, then respond

Be open and honest with each other

Respect each other

Laugh together...a LOT

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[wmw999 2,444]

You're in charge of yourself. That means that if you identify what you need from a relationship, you can communicate that to the other person. And then accept their decision as to whether or not they will participate in helping satisfy those needs.

Each person is in charge of their own happiness. Don't put someone else in charge, and make sure that people don't have to read your mind.

With those two things, you're guaranteed that not everyone will want a relationship with you, but that the people who do, really want it. And that's your best guarantee of a good relationship.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[PrairieDoug 0]

Sarah -- Great question. I'll just mention that my New Years resolution for '05 has been to not initiate or continue any gossip. It's not that I ever was a big gossip, but it had become an issue within my circle of friends and I didn't want to be part of it.

Doug

[Rebecca 0]

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By having a good relationship yourself.

Ding Ding!! That's the first key.

You know that saying? The common link in all of your failed realtionships is you. Mean, but true.

Once you're happy being who you are, it's just plain easier to have every other kind of relationship. You stop focusing on yourself and your problems and your life and start looking around at what's really going on.

Ever know someone who simply can't seem to look at the world outside themselves? In my experience, they're the ones with the toughest time, relationship-wise...

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[BRYANGOESBOOM 0]

Right on

my issue: i keep alot of myself to myself

Not only will you look better, feel better, and fuck better; you'll have significantly increased your life expectancy. --Douva

[lawrocket 3]

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how do you think you can improve the quality of relationships with those around you?

All it takes is a word word answer.

Selflessness.

And if you have selfless relationships with selfless people, they will be solid and will last forever.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[freeflir29 0]

I need some counseling.........I SUCK at relationships. How do things get to be a mess so FAST!

[Vallerina 2]

Well said

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[windcatcher 0]

Quote

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Sarah -- Great question. I'll just mention that my New Years resolution for '05 has been to not initiate or continue any gossip. It's not that I ever was a big gossip, but it had become an issue within my circle of friends and I didn't want to be part of it.

Doug

good for you Doug!!! I personally hate gossip, yet I', guilty of occasional gossip, but I try my best and stay faaaaaaaar away from it, nothing good can come out of talking negatively about people. Now, on the other hand, I loooooooove saying good things about people and sharing that

edit to answer my own post: how do I think I can improve the quality of my relationships with other people?
I could talk about this forever. Personally I believe most relationship issues are rooted in self-centeredness.
I think investing quality time in relationships with other people is very important, and making them feel important while they are with you. I am trying to improve my relationships, by being less self-centered, being a good listener, and specifically asking them about ways we could have a better relationship. Seems to me, most people greatly desire to have close relationships, and if their relationships are suffering, would like to find ways to better them. I would just love to play a part in helping people understand one another better, have better marriages, better parent/child relationships,etc...that is why I think counseling would be such a cool career.

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[Katzeye 0]

Pay attention.

That goes along the lines of "active listening" Also watch others for non-verbal queues and be attentive.

Have more to give.

Keep your "glass" full. Take the time to recharge yourself so you have more to give to others. If your cup gets too empty, then there is less to give.

LH*

ps - Val - that was me that said that. And it just tickles me to see it again from YOU

Is a chicken omelette redundant?

[Nightingale 0]

Listen, but recognize that, as a friend, you're probably only hearing one side of a story. My standard advice to a friend who's having relationship problems is to listen to their partner, try to show that they care, make time to be alone with their partner, and go see a counselor. I've seen couples on the verge of divorce go to counseling and truly try, and fix their relationship. I've also seen couples go to counseling, realize that the relationship wasn't working or wasn't healthy and decide to divorce after knowing they gave it their best shot, and the counselor was able to work with them so that their own issues didn't affect the way they raised their children, because even though they weren't marriage partners anymore, they still had a partnership for raising their kids.

Whichever way things go, I've noticed that the couples that go through counseling tend to be happier later on, because whether they stay together or split up, they know that they really gave it their best shot, so there's no "what if" question, which, I think, makes it easier to move on, either together or separately.

Counseling can be a really rewarding field, but it can also be really emotionally draining. I know several counselors who are excellent at what they do, but their own lives are a mess, because they put all their emotional energy into helping other people's relationships and have no energy left to help their own. It's also very hard to see relationship problems when you're the one in the relationship, so make sure you don't discount going to counseling yourself if you need it, because you may feel like you have the tools to fix things yourself, and that isn't always the case.

If you know any counselors, call them and ask for a real, day to day description of their job, before you go through years of school. You might discover it isn't for you, or you might have your decision reinforced and be certain that it is what you want. (this is coming from personal experience...I've got a master's degree in a field I'm not going to work in. I was very interested in teaching as an abstract idea, but the classroom reality was not for me. So, I'm probably going to go into education/school law, but I could do that without the masters and just my law degree). Grad school is very interesting, but it can be damned expensive, so make sure you're choosing a course of study that will help you to do what you really want (and then once you're doing what you want and making money at it, you can always go back and take those other classes that interested you along the way).