Amanduh 0 #1 March 8, 2005 Olaf and Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. "Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. "Vhere did yew git dat monster??" "Vell", replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie." "You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked. Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box," says Olaf. "Could I see him?" So Olaf opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie. Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?" "Yes, I will," says the genie. So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks...flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Olaf. "Yumpin' Yimmny! I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew that da genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?" *This joke was sent to me from a friend via e-mail. No changes were made and it was posted just as I recieved it. Am I covered now?* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GeordieSkydiver 0 #2 March 8, 2005 I'm offended by...Yiminy Cricket!Lee _______________________________ In a world full of people, only some want to fly, is that not crazy? http://www.ukskydiver.co.uk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #3 March 8, 2005 I'm offended.. yup offended. "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Girlfalldown 0 #4 March 8, 2005 I like that one! Watch out, you'll have a bunch of pissed off half deaf genie's after you if you're not carefull. -------------- (Do not, I repeat DO NOT, take my posts seriously.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amanduh 0 #5 March 8, 2005 QuoteWatch out, you'll have a bunch of pissed off half deaf genie's after you if you're not carefull. Oh thats great! LMFAO! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buried 0 #6 March 8, 2005 /think german was? Where is my fizzy-lifting drink? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 221 #7 March 8, 2005 QuoteI'm offended by...Yiminy Cricket! Yeah - we ALL know that is a shot at a lovable Disney character. What the hell did he ever do to you? You are so Heartless picking on defenseless cartoon characters like that - he was evenb a friend to Pinoccio - who - as memory servs was a "Good "friend to you - expecially when he lied! I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Smeger 0 #8 March 8, 2005 lol thats awesome. A private plane is flying over the Atlantic. One of the male passengers jumps out of his seat desperate for the toilet, only to find that the mens toilet is occupied. A nearby stewardess notices his desperation and says "you can use the womens toilet as long as you don't press any of the buttons on the wall". The bloke takes the warning in his stride and goes in for a huge dump. As he finishes wiping he notices beside the toilet roll that there are four buttons. There have the initials WW, WA, PP and ATR. Curiosity gets the better of him and he presses the WW button. To his delight Warm Water splashes his arse. He decides to press the next one labeled WA. Warm Air rushes out the toilet and dries his arse, "this is great" he says to himself. He presses the PP button. A Powder Puff extends out from inside the toilet and Powder Puffs his arse. He decides to go the whole hog and press the ATR button, he suddenly passes out................ He wakes up in a hospital bed, all dazed and confused. He asks the nurse next to him "what happened". The nurse replied "you press the ATR button didn't you! ATR stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. You dick's under your pillow and your balls are in a bucket under the bed". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #9 March 8, 2005 Yup! I'm offended... Good one! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skinnyshrek 0 #10 March 8, 2005 Yes yet another joke that offended me...Whats up with making fun of the indians....Damn you cruel bitch. I apologise to all my european relatives..http://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amanduh 0 #11 March 8, 2005 QuoteYes yet another joke that offended me...Whats up with making fun of the indians....Damn you cruel bitch. I apologise to all my european relatives.. LMFAO Where the @#*(@$*@# did it mention Indians? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #12 March 8, 2005 QuoteYes yet another joke that offended me...Whats up with making fun of the indians....Damn you cruel bitch. I apologise to all my european relatives.. You better add some smilies or something to make sure we all know you're kidding. Calling someone a cruel bitch isn't cool in my book. Except for ex-wives or husbands. Then it's all cool. "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #13 March 8, 2005 QuoteYou better add some smilies or something to make sure we all know you're kidding. Dude........it's SkinnyShrek. I think assuming he is joking is a safe bet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #14 March 8, 2005 "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marks 0 #15 March 8, 2005 Quote whaaa.... you offended somone lee... even though there is a disclaimer! he's a FOREIGNER.... thats normal for them.. p.s. did some greenie turn off my spell check and think it would be funny?.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #16 March 8, 2005 QuoteQuote whaaa.... you offended somone lee... even though there is a disclaimer! HAHA not at all "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amanduh 0 #17 March 8, 2005 Glad to know I'm not the only one people find offensive! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skinnyshrek 0 #18 March 8, 2005 Hey what book do you read. i made it as far as swank and big jugs weekly. nothing about the word bitch in there..http://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kai2k1 0 #19 March 8, 2005 ok im offended NOT!!! There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sum1mom 0 #20 March 8, 2005 Okay....I'm pissed. You've offended me twice now!!! first, Indian beastiality (sp?) now we're picking on the Swede's? You must apologize to both sides of my family. I'm sick of your jokes. My grandfather didn't "play" with his animals! My grandmother is a total SVEDE, and my uncle's name is Sven. WTF are you thinking??? Try not typing with an accent either, you stink at it! My grandparents are both dead now and they will haunt you... .....oh look - something shiny!!! Yay!!! I love you Amanduh!! Just kidding!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amanduh 0 #21 March 8, 2005 Quote.....oh look - something shiny!!! Oh my gawd! Shari girl I have not laughed that hard all day!!!! I got the best visual here of you LMFAO!!!! 'durrrrrrr' lmfao! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skinnyshrek 0 #22 March 8, 2005 damn i was hoping to offend 3 times see i am getting nice in my old age...swedes are all fags anyways..does that make 3 times...damn 7 days and were in Dublin..woohoo. party in my camper wednesday thru monday...http://www.skydivethefarm.com do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tbrown 26 #23 March 8, 2005 Speaking of wishing for a 10 in. Bic, this guy goes to see his doctor because he's insecure about the size of his unit. The doc says, You're in luck, I was just reading in my medical journal about how the Swiss are using segments of elephant trunk for transplants. You can select as much or as little trunk as you like, it heals up quickly, and there's almost no problem with tissue rejection. We could probably set you up for a transplant next week." So the guy gets all excited and goes for the transplant. After a couple weeks, the bandages come off, the stitches come out and he's ecstatic to see he's got a real whopper. He's so thrilled he invites his secretary out on a date. Everything's going great too, they're really hitting it off, when all of a sudden, the guy feels his dick unzipping his fly. All of a sudden the unit reaches up over the table, grabs his baked potato and vanishes back under the table. The poor guy's eyes bug out and he gets all red in the face, breaking into a sweat. His date takes his hand in hers and says, "It's alright, please don't be embarrassed. Actually, I'm rather impressed. Can you do that again ?" And the poor guy grits his teeth and tells her, "If that thing shoves another hot potato up my ass it'll kill me". And if that offends you, have another hot potato yourself ! Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
marks 0 #24 March 8, 2005 Quotedamn i was hoping to offend 3 times see i am getting nice in my old age...swedes are all fags anyways..does that make 3 times...damn 7 days and were in Dublin..woohoo. party in my camper wednesday thru monday... dude! im crashing in your camper... do i have to find another place to crash? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amanduh 0 #25 March 8, 2005 Quotedude! im crashing in your camper... do i have to find another place to crash? Sorry..that spot has already been reserved. LMFAO Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
