Brigitte36 0 #1 February 19, 2005 My sister in Canada is seeing a man who is separated but not divorced yet. His wife is very much in love with him still. She had nothing to do with the breakup, it was before she got to know him. Should she stay away from him until it's official or go with it? Do you think he could be for real or is he just using her? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antifnsocial 0 #2 February 19, 2005 Seeing him is one thing. Having sex with a married man is a whole other ballgame. It's definitely cheating until the divorce is official. I am a little harsh and hardcore with this but I have experience with it. She'll be left behind and hurt in the end. It rarely ends well. Please feel free to reply to my posts and pm's, but only if you're smart enough to understand what they really mean. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #3 February 19, 2005 Every breakup is different, just as every separation is different. The wife may still love him, but what does he feel for his wife? To many questions, but if the paperwork is being or has been filed that pretty much means it's over.Fly it like you stole it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrewGPM 0 #4 February 19, 2005 did you read the posts to the poll about being the rebound person? The rebound rarely works out. It can be fun for a while, but long term it's not worth it. Everyone thinks that what they have is special, so they figure the general rule doesn't apply to them. But it's the general rule for a reason. I hope for her sake that i'm wrong. But i've seen it go bad too many times. Be careful if you try to tell her the rebound is a bad idea. They never listen. She'll be mad if you tell her it's a bad idea. You'll get some variation of "Yuo don't him like I know him. What we have is special. Besides, I'm adult and I know what i'm doing.". And sometimes when the relationship ends, they blame you for being so negative. Those are the fun ones. good luck to you and your sister. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #5 February 19, 2005 I don't see it as cheating, as long as he has told his wife that he is now seeing someone else... or as long as the divorce is being processed (in which case I think it's no longer any of his soon-to-be-ex-wife's business whether he is seeing anyone else or not... unless there are children involved). Now from my experience, I would say it's not a good idea to jump right into another serious relationship immediately after ending one... (He'll probably be carrying a lot more "baggage" than if he had some time alone in between the relationships.)... but who knows... that's just my experience, other people might be different... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkiD_PL8 0 #6 February 19, 2005 The way I personally feel about it is once the papers have been filed it is not cheating. Divorces can take a long time to go through especially if there are assets and children to fight over. Is it just a fling or not? Who knows, only he knows how he really feels about her. It could also be an issue with the ex if your sis and this guy knew each other prior to the separation. All in all I say go for it, test the waters just be careful. That is of course based on the assumption that papers have been filed and they are just playing the waiting game. Greenie in training. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #7 February 19, 2005 They are (all 3 of them) adults, in full posession of all of the facts and presumably, have the capacity to determine their own course of actions.... (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoysPlayThing 0 #8 February 19, 2005 I personally think she should keep her distance until paperwork has been filed. I have been in a similar position in the past. If the paperwork has been filed and the "ex" knows they are not going to reconcile, I would say it is not wrong for your sister to see him... although she should keep a heads up on the fact that he is fresh out of a long term relationship... Kind of scary whether he was married or not. _______________________________________________ My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #9 February 19, 2005 EVERY time I have seen that happen it has been disastrous. EVERY time. Since you're kind of third party info on this, your sis may think he's telling her one thing, but he's really saying something else...or implying something else. MANY of these instances end up with the husband and wife giving it another shot later on...but then again, some don't, but they're in court for a while, in either case why would someone get in the middle of that? Bad idea, I would tell her to stay away until it's done. -Otherwise, she may find herself coming up in the divorce procedures if it goes to court, etc. -And not to say that she is intimate with him yet or not, but sleeping around before the divorce is final is such a bad idea. That man is still married. If they can't wait long enough for the divorce to be final, then they need to look at what is important to them. -And I'm sure this prolly isn't the case, as you didn't mention that it was, but if the guy and his ex have kids, that is just abso-f*cking-lutely ASININE to be dating him at this point.~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #10 February 20, 2005 Maybe, I'm 'old school' but, until the divorce papers are signed and the ink isn't quite dry, it's cheating. If, he's really serious about your sister, he'll wait and do the right thing. He should express this to your sister, also. Matters of the heart are difficult. Your sister needs to back away until he's divorced. She'll be the one who comes up on the short end of the stick. I hope the best for her. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lightningbugirl 0 #11 February 20, 2005 I think it really just depends on the situation and the specific people involved. Just love her and tell her to proceed with caution. She could be just a part of his midlife crisis. He may not even realize it at all and not mean to be wrongly leading her on. She should just make sure his honesty and truthfulness/ openess are complete and he's not holding something back or lying about anything. If not then she knows what she is getting herself into. What if they were meant to find one another? Maybe the partners they were with before were just preparing them to meet and truly appreciate each other? Love is an amazing and complicated thing. IMO, you can't do anything about her decision anyways. By supporting her with love and care you can at least be there for her if things do go South. If they don't go badly, you won't have risked making an enemy out of him at least. Love is always the best way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
