josheezammit 0 #26 February 15, 2005 oh goodness this is my disclaimer that I am about to get so sappy its going to make some of you sick to you stomach, with that said, on with the show. I got to watch my parents marriage vows go to completion. When I was 18 my father passed away, and "till death do we part" was enacted and my mother and father had held to the promise that they made some 27 years earlier. Now I assure you that not everything they went through was all fun and games, during the eighties, my father suffered with alcoholism, my mother was an workaholic, and hell they had to raise me to boot. During the 70's my uncle killed himself and parents both battled with depression, and in the 90's my dad had a stroke and was disabled for five years before he passed away in 97, just 5 days before christmas. So here is the deal, that isn't a 10th of the crap that they went through in the relationship they had. They held on, they compromised, they forgave, they let the wind carry their pain away, they lived as people with the understanding that though no one was perfect they could love each other. One day I believe that I can do this too. because I choose to..... I choose grace, to be graceful enough that finding my angel on earth will take time, patience, and a keen sense of Love. I choose love, love that is renewing, love that can seal the deepest of pain away for ever, Love that can make me compromise. I choose faith in the fact that no matter how dark the world seems we can make it better. I choose joy, in the thought that one day I will meet her, and I will then choose to be what I need to be for her. All these things I choose, no one but me, I choose them because, I believe in love, I believe that love can do great things........ Ahh, what a wonderful world. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #27 February 15, 2005 Well, I am single, and could be happily single for the rest of my life; however, if I ever find the right guy, of course I would like to get married and have children. Maybe in a few years. Of course you can still be happily married, I guess it just depends on your whole attitude towards marriage and if you are willing to stick it out through the hard times, and not get divorced at the first sign of the honeymoon being over. Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #28 February 15, 2005 I don't need to get married, and I also don't need to avoid marriage. I have no strong feelings on marriage either way. If I was planning on having kids with someone or buying a house with them, I'd prefer to be married.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #29 February 15, 2005 I've seen family and friends who have very happy marriages. The things I've noticed about the happy ones- -they accept their partner for who they are and don't try to change them -they're adaptable and pick their battles carefully. they don't fight over things that don't matter. -they give their partners the freedom to explore life and develop new hobbies/interests -they're secure in the knowledge that their partner loves them, and therefore aren't worried about what's going on when they're not around -they take their partner's feelings into account when making choices...they don't make "me" choices, they make "us" choices -they can agree to disagree. -when fighting, they fight about issues rather than throwing insults -they talk about things when they become an issue, rather than letting things stew until they explode -they allow the other to have space and time to themselves. no smothering. I guess the big one is that they don't just love each other, they respect each other, which means that when they fight, they actually end up solving problems rather than creating new ones...and they're not afraid to apologize when they know they've messed up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GTAVercetti 0 #30 February 15, 2005 QuoteBy the way, I was speaking colloquially. I know not to start a sentence with "and". Actually, it is acceptable to start a sentence with 'and'. And I understood your sentence just fine. Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #31 February 15, 2005 Why the high divorce rate? In my case, it was getting married too young (24) and for the wrong reasons (I was insecure, he was insecure, we thought you were supposed to go to college, meet someone, and marry them, and after 6 years of dating it was scary to think of anything else). Once I was divorced, I got picky. I would not settle, I knew what I wanted and if a guy wasn't exactly the person that fit that general picture, it wouldn't happen. If there was even one thing that I wished I could change about him or that he tried to change about me, it wouldn't happen. I met the man who fit the bill entirely, it's been 2 years of marriage, and absolutely no complaints. The right pairing makes marriage much easier, less work. Still work of course, but not a lot of it in our case. Jen Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #32 February 15, 2005 What about "us"? Did our time together mean nothing? I even got you a romantic Valentines Day bear. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kelel01 1 #33 February 15, 2005 LMAO. Where can I buy that thing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites happythoughts 0 #34 February 15, 2005 bear You are still going to have pointy-headed kids with me, right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kelel01 1 #35 February 15, 2005 They wouldn't be mine if they didn't have pointy heads . . . just ask my mother. (She always said that my head comes to a point). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites billvon 3,006 #36 February 15, 2005 >(She always said that my head comes to a point). Well, it is easier that way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mailin 0 #37 February 15, 2005 Communication... ...and having someone who lets you mooch off them (I say this sarcastically cause you know the whole story)... but I know communication is vital. I've seen so many relationships go south and become very unhappy because of a lack of common 'focus', which is attained through communication. As my hubby wrote in my V-Day card: "It's been almost 6 years and I still look forward to seeing you each and every day! I guess it's true that the simplest and best thing in the world never get old!" Its little things like that that make me want to do everything in my power for him - its a mutual understanding of trying to make each other happy. So far its working... we like it that way JenArianna Frances Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites GravityGirl 0 #38 February 15, 2005 When I was single, I was VERY single and happy. I've been married over 5 years now. I have an awesome daughter and a very kewl husband. I am VERY happy now as well. It's all timing. I had the chance to live it up as a single person. I did that quite well. Now I have a whole new world to experience, and I'm lovin' that too. Life is short. But it's not too short that you can't have it all. I don't know how I got so lucky.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Peace and Blue Skies! Bonnie ==>Gravity Gear! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Airman1270 0 #39 February 15, 2005 Coming up on 14 years; Have been asking her to agree to counseling for the past eight. She refuses to admit she's 50% of the problem... I've learned that she's afraid of intimacy. Her whole family is like this: no close friends, holding people at arm's length, only socializing with each other. Add a touch of "snob" factor to the mix: classical music (to the exclusion of other styles), "finer things in life," etc. It's not easy to keep one's nose in the air and head in the sand at the same time, but she's pretty good at it. If I had to do it again (which I would) I'd be careful about getting involved with someone who treats sex as a casual pasttime. Yes, I also had a past, but mine mostly involved relationships with steady girlfriends. Her life was mostly a series of flings & affairs, vacations, conventions, etc. She's never been able to make the transition to a morally upright relationship with the same guy year after year. I was once a real muffin; now I'm just boring. I also snore, don't make much money, and spend some of it on a hobby she has no use for and wishes I would just quit. Oh, sure, I used to be in demand, but now I'm just not good enough. I can't compete with some very exciting memories. If I ever do this again I'd rather find a woman who is willing to wait until marriage. I don't demand a virgin, but no man wants a whore, or even an ex-whore. And as far as the important stuff goes, she doesn't have to be a skydiver, but she better not have a problem with me spending time at the DZ. Cheers, Jon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Shotgun 1 #40 February 15, 2005 I know lots of happily married couples and lots of unhappily married couples. Of course, it's hard to define "happy", especially from an outside perspective. I don't particularly care about the divorce rate except when kids are involved. I think the trauma that kids go through when their parents get divorced (or even when they live with parents who fight a lot) is not emphasized enough. Marriage is nowhere near as serious of a commitment as having children is; having children should be given the utmost consideration before making such a decision. (Can you stay with the person who you are planning to have children with, or are you capable of having a civil relationship in the event that you are not able to stay with that person?) Ok, I'm digressing from your original question(s), but basically I think it is absolutely possible to have a long and happy marriage - just depends on the two people involved and how much effort they are willing to put into it. I've been married almost three years now. We've had a few rough times, but overall I think we are very happy together (probably more so now than in the beginning). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites boinky 0 #41 February 15, 2005 I was married before I started skydiving. I weighed over 200 lbs. and was a terribly unhappy person. Bitchy, nagging with no direction. I took my first jump in 10/2001. I loved it! My enthusiasm for the sport helped me lose almost 70 lbs. and gain a whole new positive mental attitude. Unfortunately, my spouse didn't follow my lead. While I continued to get younger acting and happier with life, he got lazier and more unhappy with everything I did. The more "into" skydiving and doing things with my life I became, the more distant he became. After threatening divorce 3 times, I finally accepted the inevitable. He's not necessarily a bad person, nor am I for changing. I just changed for what I like to think is better. He went the opposite way, or perhaps never changed at all. Sometimes I swear I'll never get married again, as I've done it 3 times now. But, I'm not a really bitter person. I love easily and like to think I am easy to love. If the right person came along who shared similar interests as I do, preferably a fellow skydiver who understands my passion for the sport, I would undoubtedly consider doing it again.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Pammi 0 #42 February 15, 2005 QuoteVery well said.... I might add that your perfect mate needs to be someone who is also your best friend....someone on the "inner circle" Definately well said both of you. People tend to have an unrealistic view of marriage - expecting a fairytale. It's loving each other even when it's NOT that is awesome! :) Pammi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites EyeofHorus 0 #43 February 15, 2005 QuoteI was married before I started skydiving. I weighed over 200 lbs. and was a terribly unhappy person. Bitchy, nagging with no direction. I took my first jump in 10/2001. I loved it! My enthusiasm for the sport helped me lose almost 70 lbs. and gain a whole new positive mental attitude. Unfortunately, my spouse didn't follow my lead. While I continued to get younger acting and happier with life, he got lazier and more unhappy with everything I did. The more "into" skydiving and doing things with my life I became, the more distant he became. After threatening divorce 3 times, I finally accepted the inevitable. He's not necessarily a bad person, nor am I for changing. I just changed for what I like to think is better. He went the opposite way, or perhaps never changed at all. Sometimes I swear I'll never get married again, as I've done it 3 times now. But, I'm not a really bitter person. I love easily and like to think I am easy to love. If the right person came along who shared similar interests as I do, preferably a fellow skydiver who understands my passion for the sport, I would undoubtedly consider doing it again. Oh my God do I have a twin or what???????? That is exactly how I feel, with the exception I haven't been given the "D" ulitimatum yet!It's not what you do in life, it's what you do with your life that counts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SkyDolphin 0 #44 February 16, 2005 Quote Okay, I've been married 21+ years John, You mean she's really put up with you for over 21 years? WOW. hee hee just kidding! Rhonda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites JohnMitchell 16 #45 February 16, 2005 Quote You mean she's really put up with you for over 21 years? WOW. hee hee just kidding! Rhonda Yep, someday she'll be canonized as Saint Valinda, the patron saint of drunken idiot skydiver husbands, all for putting up with me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #46 February 16, 2005 17 years this May 28th AND Loving itYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Evelyn 0 #47 February 16, 2005 Happily (mostly) married for 26 (almost 27) years. I say "mostly happily" married because in a marriage, like life in general, you have your ups and downs. But I think if you have the basic elements - love, respect, trust you can get past the downs. I think you have to work at maintaining a good marriage. Although I've been married to my husband for over half my life I've still got things to work on. My husband is a great guy and my best friend, but I sometimes take him for granted. I sometimes get upset with him when he complains about how much money I spend on skydiving (not unwarranted) and then I look for little things to complain about him. Can't complain to friends cuz they know my husband and think he's wonderful (which he is) so I'd post on the women's forum looking for sympathy. It back fired cuz I had people point out that I was posting a lot of husband complaining threads which wasn't fair to him, which is true. But a good wake up call for me. Kind of off the subject, but trying to redeem myself for all the husband complaining threads. I love my husband and my marriage, and I'd do it over again in a minute. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites The111 1 #48 February 16, 2005 Interesting to look at the current poll results. In every "marriage age group" there are more happy than unhappy couples. But at the end, more people voted for "unhappy marriages are more common." The only explanation I can think of is that many of these votes come from unmarried (and divorced) people...www.WingsuitPhotos.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites windcatcher 0 #49 February 16, 2005 wow Evelyn, you've been married to the same guy for 26 years? wow, you go girl! That is very commendable and admirable of you, cheers to you and your hubby, wishing you many more years together! Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 34 #50 February 16, 2005 I picked both the happy and unhappy 1-5 years choices. Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm unhappy. I love my wife, but being married is not a cakewalk. It's hard work, really hard work. Sometimes I wish I'd stayed single, but those are not very often. Usually, I'm happy. When the bitch is happy, I'm happy... oops did I say that out loud??? No, I'm serious, she's not all that bad, great gal, but get on her bad side, and woooeee.... All that aside, I'm committed for the long haul, and I still get to skydive, have a roof over my head, have sex whenever I want, etc... so the good outweighs the bad..."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. 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kelel01 1 #33 February 15, 2005 LMAO. Where can I buy that thing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #34 February 15, 2005 bear You are still going to have pointy-headed kids with me, right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #35 February 15, 2005 They wouldn't be mine if they didn't have pointy heads . . . just ask my mother. (She always said that my head comes to a point). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,006 #36 February 15, 2005 >(She always said that my head comes to a point). Well, it is easier that way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mailin 0 #37 February 15, 2005 Communication... ...and having someone who lets you mooch off them (I say this sarcastically cause you know the whole story)... but I know communication is vital. I've seen so many relationships go south and become very unhappy because of a lack of common 'focus', which is attained through communication. As my hubby wrote in my V-Day card: "It's been almost 6 years and I still look forward to seeing you each and every day! I guess it's true that the simplest and best thing in the world never get old!" Its little things like that that make me want to do everything in my power for him - its a mutual understanding of trying to make each other happy. So far its working... we like it that way JenArianna Frances Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GravityGirl 0 #38 February 15, 2005 When I was single, I was VERY single and happy. I've been married over 5 years now. I have an awesome daughter and a very kewl husband. I am VERY happy now as well. It's all timing. I had the chance to live it up as a single person. I did that quite well. Now I have a whole new world to experience, and I'm lovin' that too. Life is short. But it's not too short that you can't have it all. I don't know how I got so lucky.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Peace and Blue Skies! Bonnie ==>Gravity Gear! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Airman1270 0 #39 February 15, 2005 Coming up on 14 years; Have been asking her to agree to counseling for the past eight. She refuses to admit she's 50% of the problem... I've learned that she's afraid of intimacy. Her whole family is like this: no close friends, holding people at arm's length, only socializing with each other. Add a touch of "snob" factor to the mix: classical music (to the exclusion of other styles), "finer things in life," etc. It's not easy to keep one's nose in the air and head in the sand at the same time, but she's pretty good at it. If I had to do it again (which I would) I'd be careful about getting involved with someone who treats sex as a casual pasttime. Yes, I also had a past, but mine mostly involved relationships with steady girlfriends. Her life was mostly a series of flings & affairs, vacations, conventions, etc. She's never been able to make the transition to a morally upright relationship with the same guy year after year. I was once a real muffin; now I'm just boring. I also snore, don't make much money, and spend some of it on a hobby she has no use for and wishes I would just quit. Oh, sure, I used to be in demand, but now I'm just not good enough. I can't compete with some very exciting memories. If I ever do this again I'd rather find a woman who is willing to wait until marriage. I don't demand a virgin, but no man wants a whore, or even an ex-whore. And as far as the important stuff goes, she doesn't have to be a skydiver, but she better not have a problem with me spending time at the DZ. Cheers, Jon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #40 February 15, 2005 I know lots of happily married couples and lots of unhappily married couples. Of course, it's hard to define "happy", especially from an outside perspective. I don't particularly care about the divorce rate except when kids are involved. I think the trauma that kids go through when their parents get divorced (or even when they live with parents who fight a lot) is not emphasized enough. Marriage is nowhere near as serious of a commitment as having children is; having children should be given the utmost consideration before making such a decision. (Can you stay with the person who you are planning to have children with, or are you capable of having a civil relationship in the event that you are not able to stay with that person?) Ok, I'm digressing from your original question(s), but basically I think it is absolutely possible to have a long and happy marriage - just depends on the two people involved and how much effort they are willing to put into it. I've been married almost three years now. We've had a few rough times, but overall I think we are very happy together (probably more so now than in the beginning). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #41 February 15, 2005 I was married before I started skydiving. I weighed over 200 lbs. and was a terribly unhappy person. Bitchy, nagging with no direction. I took my first jump in 10/2001. I loved it! My enthusiasm for the sport helped me lose almost 70 lbs. and gain a whole new positive mental attitude. Unfortunately, my spouse didn't follow my lead. While I continued to get younger acting and happier with life, he got lazier and more unhappy with everything I did. The more "into" skydiving and doing things with my life I became, the more distant he became. After threatening divorce 3 times, I finally accepted the inevitable. He's not necessarily a bad person, nor am I for changing. I just changed for what I like to think is better. He went the opposite way, or perhaps never changed at all. Sometimes I swear I'll never get married again, as I've done it 3 times now. But, I'm not a really bitter person. I love easily and like to think I am easy to love. If the right person came along who shared similar interests as I do, preferably a fellow skydiver who understands my passion for the sport, I would undoubtedly consider doing it again.Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pammi 0 #42 February 15, 2005 QuoteVery well said.... I might add that your perfect mate needs to be someone who is also your best friend....someone on the "inner circle" Definately well said both of you. People tend to have an unrealistic view of marriage - expecting a fairytale. It's loving each other even when it's NOT that is awesome! :) Pammi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
EyeofHorus 0 #43 February 15, 2005 QuoteI was married before I started skydiving. I weighed over 200 lbs. and was a terribly unhappy person. Bitchy, nagging with no direction. I took my first jump in 10/2001. I loved it! My enthusiasm for the sport helped me lose almost 70 lbs. and gain a whole new positive mental attitude. Unfortunately, my spouse didn't follow my lead. While I continued to get younger acting and happier with life, he got lazier and more unhappy with everything I did. The more "into" skydiving and doing things with my life I became, the more distant he became. After threatening divorce 3 times, I finally accepted the inevitable. He's not necessarily a bad person, nor am I for changing. I just changed for what I like to think is better. He went the opposite way, or perhaps never changed at all. Sometimes I swear I'll never get married again, as I've done it 3 times now. But, I'm not a really bitter person. I love easily and like to think I am easy to love. If the right person came along who shared similar interests as I do, preferably a fellow skydiver who understands my passion for the sport, I would undoubtedly consider doing it again. Oh my God do I have a twin or what???????? That is exactly how I feel, with the exception I haven't been given the "D" ulitimatum yet!It's not what you do in life, it's what you do with your life that counts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDolphin 0 #44 February 16, 2005 Quote Okay, I've been married 21+ years John, You mean she's really put up with you for over 21 years? WOW. hee hee just kidding! Rhonda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 16 #45 February 16, 2005 Quote You mean she's really put up with you for over 21 years? WOW. hee hee just kidding! Rhonda Yep, someday she'll be canonized as Saint Valinda, the patron saint of drunken idiot skydiver husbands, all for putting up with me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #46 February 16, 2005 17 years this May 28th AND Loving itYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evelyn 0 #47 February 16, 2005 Happily (mostly) married for 26 (almost 27) years. I say "mostly happily" married because in a marriage, like life in general, you have your ups and downs. But I think if you have the basic elements - love, respect, trust you can get past the downs. I think you have to work at maintaining a good marriage. Although I've been married to my husband for over half my life I've still got things to work on. My husband is a great guy and my best friend, but I sometimes take him for granted. I sometimes get upset with him when he complains about how much money I spend on skydiving (not unwarranted) and then I look for little things to complain about him. Can't complain to friends cuz they know my husband and think he's wonderful (which he is) so I'd post on the women's forum looking for sympathy. It back fired cuz I had people point out that I was posting a lot of husband complaining threads which wasn't fair to him, which is true. But a good wake up call for me. Kind of off the subject, but trying to redeem myself for all the husband complaining threads. I love my husband and my marriage, and I'd do it over again in a minute. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The111 1 #48 February 16, 2005 Interesting to look at the current poll results. In every "marriage age group" there are more happy than unhappy couples. But at the end, more people voted for "unhappy marriages are more common." The only explanation I can think of is that many of these votes come from unmarried (and divorced) people...www.WingsuitPhotos.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #49 February 16, 2005 wow Evelyn, you've been married to the same guy for 26 years? wow, you go girl! That is very commendable and admirable of you, cheers to you and your hubby, wishing you many more years together! Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #50 February 16, 2005 I picked both the happy and unhappy 1-5 years choices. Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm unhappy. I love my wife, but being married is not a cakewalk. It's hard work, really hard work. Sometimes I wish I'd stayed single, but those are not very often. Usually, I'm happy. When the bitch is happy, I'm happy... oops did I say that out loud??? No, I'm serious, she's not all that bad, great gal, but get on her bad side, and woooeee.... All that aside, I'm committed for the long haul, and I still get to skydive, have a roof over my head, have sex whenever I want, etc... so the good outweighs the bad..."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
