how to scare off jehovas witnesses

[feuergnom 29]

…and other door-to-door missionaries

maybe nsfw?

if offended easily - don't open!

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[weegegirl 2]

hahahahhahahaha... that is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[soulshine 0]

Ha...I love it! I just wanna know where I can get one of those!

Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity!
~DEVIOUS BEEF~~FGF #69~

[tilly 0]

Brilliant - just sent it to a married couple of 21 years old at work, both hardcore God Squad. They found it hilarious - not sure if that was the response I was after or not!

[feuergnom 29]

sometimes you newver know

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[kingbunky 3]

i always thought the best way was the chalk outline of a body on the sidewalk to your house with a few watchtower pamplets strewn about.

"Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart."
MB4252 TDS699
killing threads since 2001

[aykay 0]

...or attract skydivers

[Shotgun 1]

Quote

i always thought the best way was the chalk outline of a body on the sidewalk to your house with a few watchtower pamplets strewn about.

Hmm, that's a good idea...

I remember some Jehova's Witnesses (or some kind of religious freaks) scaring the crap out of me when I was 10 years old. I was home all alone one evening and the doorbell rang... Not sure why I answered it, but I opened the door and there were two men standing there. One of them looked at me all seriously and said something like, "If you were to die tonight, do you know where you would go?" Maybe I had been watching too many horror movies, but for a moment I was sure these two men were about to kill me. Anyhow, then they handed me a brochure and started talking about god or something... but after they left I went around checking all the windows and doors to make sure they were locked and I was kinda freaked out until my parents finally came home. (And they thought it was funny... because I didn't usually scare easily... but those dudes were creepy.)

[happythoughts 0]

If you notice them coming up the road:

1. Throw in a porn tape.
2. Get a cold beer and sit on the couch.
3. Invite them in and offer them a beer.

[CrazyIvan 0]

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One of them looked at me all seriously and said something like, "If you were to die tonight, do you know where you would go?" Maybe I had been watching too many horror movies...

Seriously, if that happened to me I would just said to them: "HELL!!" with a devil-like voice

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[Shotgun 1]

Quote

Seriously, if that happened to me I would just said to them: "HELL!!" with a devil-like voice

Well I was an inexperienced 10-year-old. If it had happened a few years later, when I had reached my smartass teenage years, I'm sure I would have had something really nice to say to them.

[feuergnom 29]

guess what kind of doorknocker i have

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[Rebecca 0]

Hey, if you live up north in the Wis., Minn., Mich. area, keep an eye out for Prince to come walking up. Supposedly he's a door-to-door witness. One guy slammed the door in his face because the Packers were playing.

I'd let him witness all he wanted - in song.

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[WrongWay 0]

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Seriously, if that happened to me I would just said to them: "HELL!!" with a devil-like voice

Better yet, in the same voice.....HOME.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

for a moment I was sure these two men were about to kill me.

I live in a non-suburban area. If you do not live around here and walk into someones yard, you need a good reason.

There is the additional hazard that if I like you, I may just keep you.

[DrunkMonkey 0]

Just answer the door nekkid.

[Nightingale 0]

LOL! I guess "do you know where you would go if you died today?" is one of their stock questions. I'd answered the door on thanksgiving a few years ago with a rather large kitchen knife in my hand (was cutting up turkey and just didn't put it down). So, I looked at the knife, and back to the JWs and replied "yes...do you?"

they left. quickly.


edited for spelling

[WILDBILLAQR 0]

HAHA, Thats classic! My mom got them good one time. She saw them comming up the drive, right before they rang the bell she pulled the door open and yelled" I HOPE THE WHOLE WORLD BURNS IN HELL!!!" and slammed the door. That was 20 years ago, they still won't go to the house

----------------------------------------------
"Thats not smoke, thats BUCKEYE!!"
AQR#3,CWR#49

[PhreeZone 20]

We went on a JW hayride one Halloween at the DZ since they were in the area and invited us along....


I don't think they will be around again

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[turtlespeed 226]

Quote

Just answer the door nekkid.

I tried that - but it was wierd - like the whole neiborhood screamed or something.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Shotgun 1]

That's funny... Maybe they should reconsider their little speech, because that line probably opens them up to all kinds of rude comebacks.

I haven't talked to people like that in years now... because I pretty much don't answer my door anymore unless I am expecting someone...

Though I do have a funny picture in my memory of someone coming up to me at a stoplight asking for donations for their church... and I'm sitting there with my dark shades on, top down on my convertible with the all-red interior and the glittery red devil head hanging off the rearview mirror... and the stereo cranked really loud with Nine Inch Nails song "Heresy" playing... "God is dead and no one cares... If there is a hell, I'll see you there!" Unintentional of course, but perfect timing... I just smiled at him and he went away.

[markd_nscr986 0]

I want one

On the occasion I get unwanted guests at the door,I simply start speaking to them in Welsh.........I have yet to have one reply,they generally walk away looking pretty confused

Marc SCR 6046 SCS 3004

[Salsa_John 0]

I am nice the first 2 times, then...

I hand them some Demon worship literature I made and ask them if they would like to come to our coven gathering. Tonight is sheep's blood night.

"You did what?!?!"

MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez

[jumpinfarmer 0]

I've got a couple good ones.

We live out in the country so you can see when someone is comming. As a kid I remember the neighbors all called one another and told them they were comming so you had a chance to hide.

Our farm shop faces the road and I was working on a loader one hot afternoon when in they came. I let them get wound up talking about whatever they beleive as I continued to work. After about ten minutes I needed help holding a hydrolic cylinder up, he held it there and as I lined up the pins a stream of oil drenched his clean suit.

My grandpa used to sit under a tree in the front yard and shoot woodchucks in the fields on the other side of the road with a 30-06 and scope. One day they stoped and he told them how bad off he was and how he hadn't had sex in years and that he was going to shoot himself soon so they had better get going.

I was around all by my self one day painting the roof on a barn. I saw them walk up to the house and knock I made a real deep voice and said know ones home. They just looked startled and walked out toward a barn, I then repeated know ones home. They still didn't see me and walked into the shed I was standing on top of. I then let them have it and said you shal die by the lord and slaped my belt down as hard as I could on the tin roof. I never saw Two women run so fast in my life.

[Zenister 0]

i invited them in to discuss... usually made tea/coffee...

after getting bumped up several 'levels' of missionary (the peons stood no chance arguing theology with me) after two months our house was added to the 'do not pester' list..... apparently 2 of the peons quit not long after their discussions with me... guess they found the answers to the questions i raised about their faith...

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.