post your favorite jokes

[DTOXX 0]

How many male chauvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, let the bitches cook in the dark.

-------
D.T. Holder
SIMstudy

[mardigrasbob 0]

Why are there so many homes for battered women? Because they just don’t fucking listen!!
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.
Why do rednecks like to do it doggie style? So they can both watch Nascar.
Why do women wear make-up and perfume? Because they’re ugly and they stink.
Why do they call the area between a woman’s hips and chest a waist? Because you could fit at least two more pairs of tits there!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia? Lefty!
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Two families move from Iraq to America. When they arrive, the fathers make each other a bet that in a year’s time, whichever family has become more American will win.
A year later when they meet again, the first guy says, “My son plays baseball, I had McDonald’s for breakfast and I’m on my way to pick up a case of Bud for tonight. How about you?”
The second guy says, “Fuck you, towel-head!”
and the one guarenteed to offend!!
Why did God create the yeast infection? So women could know what it’s like living with an irritating cunt too!
--------------------

[BGill 0]

What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
...velcro

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
...If your name was "mrawaaaa" and you were always being groped you'd run away too.

I've got real offensive ones too but I don't want to lose any respect on the forums. ...unless someone else wants to start the dead-baby jokes?

[bodypilot1 0]

1st grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having
trouble with a student.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.
My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than
she is!

I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the
boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.

She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of
that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What do you have in your pants
that I do not have in mine?"

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps
into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with
a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish
liquid?

Harry: "Coconut"

Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer.

Harry says: "Bubble gum"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a
woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"

The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Shake hands"

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and
ends in 'K' that means heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and
told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth-grade. I got the last seven questions wrong."

www.WestCoastWingsuits.com
www.PrecisionSkydiving.com

[gerrcoin 0]

Quote

I've got real offensive ones too but I don't want to lose any respect on the forums. ...unless someone else wants to start the dead-baby jokes?

What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for christmas?
Cancer.

A lesbian goes for a smear test and the gynocologist has a look and says, "That's the cleanest vagina I've ever seen".
"Thanks", replies the lesbian, "I have a woman in twice a week"

Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone.
But when she bent over
Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own.

[TheBachelor 5]

(For men:) What's better than roses on your piano?

Two lips on your organ.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?

A 30-foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

What do you get when you cross a woman with ESP with a woman that has PMS?

A bitch that thinks she knows everything.

There are battered women? I've been eating 'em plain all of these years...

[boinky 0]

OK. This is a little long and you're going to need props. Go find 5 copper pennies and then come back.....Got them? Good! Let us begin now.

Lay one penny on the table and ask your audience:

"Do you smell anything?"
They are going to say "No."
You then say, "That's a (s)cent."


Lay the second penny down and ask:

"Do you see any fruit?"
They are going to say "No."
You then say, "That's a pear (pair)."


Lay the third penny down and ask:

"Do you see any snakes?"
They are going to say "No."
You then say, "Three Copperheads."


Lay the fourth penny down and ask:

"Do you see any automobiles?"
They are going to say "No."
You then say, "Four Lincolns."


Lay the fifth and final penny down and ask:

"Do you see any pussy?"
They are going to giggle, but eventually say "No."
You pause for a moment for quiet and then you say,

"No....and you won't for five cents!"
.

Nina

Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz)
Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[SpeedRacer 1]

What do you call a roomful of women with PMS and yeast infections??






A whine and cheese party.

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[popsjumper 2]

Why does the bride smile so big when she's walking down the isle?

She knows that she has given her last B.J.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[popsjumper 2]

Guy walks into a bar and has a little man..oh about 1ft tall, on his shoulder.

Guys orders a round of drinks for the bar - everybody cheers. Bartender goes down the bar pouring drinks and when the last drink is poured the little guy jumps down, runs down the bar, kicks over all the drinks and hops back onto the guy's shoulder.

Everybody shouts and yells while the guy apologizes and orders another round for the bar. Bartender goes down the bar pouring drinks and when the last drink is poured the little guy jumps down, runs down the bar and kicks over all the drinks again.

After seveal rounds of this, the bartender comes over and says, "Hey man, everybody is getting really PO'd at this little man, what's up with him?"

The guy explains, "Well, it's like this. I found a lamp and when I rubbed it a Genie appeared and gave me one wish. I wished for a 12-inch prick and this is what I got!"

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Why does the bride smile so big when she's walking down the isle?

She knows that she has given her last B.J.

Not really, just to one less guy...

[tunaplanet 0]

Know what you call that worthless piece of skin around a pussy?



A woman.

Forty-two

[bigway 4]

what does a woman and a washing machine have in common?

they both leak when they are fucked.


whats the difference between a womam and a freezer?


a freezer does not fart when you pull the meat out.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
.

[tunaplanet 0]

You know the difference between a lesbian and a rhinoceros?


20 pounds and a flannel shirt.

Forty-two

[feuergnom 29]

An elephant asks a camel: " Why are your boobies on your back ?"
" Well" says the camel, " I think it is a strange question from somebody who's willy is on his face"

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[popsjumper 2]

Yes! The thing about a joke lies in the truth of it!
LMAO

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[feuergnom 29]

last time i went to walmart i bought some air balloons and fixed them on my car. i'm just wondering why eversince everybody leaves the road when i'm driving through town. maybe it's the colour -----› pic attached

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[mr2mk1g 10]

Now those are funny... I want some of those!

[GeordieSkydiver 0]

A priest and his friend were out fishing when the priest hooks a big one. When they finally get it ashore, the friend yells, "Look at that sonuvabitch."

The priest gives him a disgusted look, so the friend quickly explains that that was what the kind of fish he caught, a sonuvabitch.

When the priest gets home and brings the fish to the nun who was cooking he said, "Look at this sonuvabitch I caught," which drew him a foul look. After explaining that that was the name of the fish, the nun agreed to cook it, and then invited the Pope for dinner.

When the Pope arrived and sat down to eat, the priest exclaimed, "I caught that sonuvbitch!"

Then the nun followed with "I cooked that sonuvabitch."The Pope smiled and answered back, "Hey, you b*stards are all right."


Lee

Lee _______________________________

In a world full of people, only some want to fly, is that not crazy?
http://www.ukskydiver.co.uk

[RoysPlayThing 0]

okay, okay.... Ahem! .. There once was a man from Nantucket...

... Never mind.. too dirty. *sigh*

_______________________________________________
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

[skyjules 0]

A man walks into a bar, sets down a bag and takes out a tiny man and a tiny piano. Someone asks 'where did you get that'. So the man pulls out a monkey from the bag and explaines that it's a magic monkey, just make a wish. One guy makes a wish, all of the sudden 1000 ducks fly overhead. The guy says 'I didn't wish for 1000 ducks', the man replies 'I didn't wish for a 10 inch pianist either.

***Free bird Forever

[gerrcoin 0]

What's blue and fucks old people?
The flu.


How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex?
Call her up.


What is the definition of blu-tak?
Smurf shit!!


It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings.
The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello? ... How the hell do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and promptly slams the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."

[mardigrasbob 0]

What's the last sound a pubic hair makes before it hits the floor?





cough cough spit

[unformed 0]

What do a thousand battered women have in common.
They don't know when to shut the fuck up.


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin ya ain't told her twice already!

This ad space for sale.

[feuergnom 29]

one for the guys:

guy: would you wear shoes if you hadn't feet?
girl: of course not
guy: then why are you wearing a bra?


whispered dialogue somewhere in a dark bedroom:
"I love you"
"I love you too"
"I'm sooooo crazy about you"
"Me too"
"By the way i'm John"
"Cute – we have the same name...."




and one for the ladies:

there's this two little girls talking. suddenly the first one says: hey - do you have any idea what a penis is?
second one: no, but we could ask our teacher
so the next day the first girl walks up to the teacher and ask: could you tell me what a penis is?
the guy blushes, is a little out of words and after some mumbling says: come outside i'll show you
so what does the little girl tell her friend when she returns?




























a penis looks like a cock, but it's definitely much smaller

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666