FlyinNover 0 #51 November 15, 2004 What's long, dirty, and makes you cringe? This post. (These get dirtier the further down you go. You're warned.) ------- What has seven arms and sucks? Def Leppard. ------- Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by and opened up his trenchcoat. The first lady had a stroke. The second lady had a stroke. But the third lady's arms were too short. ------- Mrs. Smith's class had an assignment to think of a word, spell it, and use it in a sentence. Sally chose the word 'beautiful.' "B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. My teacher is beautiful!" Mrs. Smith thanked Sally, and asked Mikey what his word was. "My word is 'gorgeous.' G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S. Mrs. Smith is gorgeous!" The teacher thanked Mikey. Then she reluctantly turned to the next student, Dirty Johnny. "My word is 'urinate.' U-R-I-N-A-T-E. Mrs. Smith, urinate, but if your tits were bigger you'd be a ten." ------- John Kerry, George Bush, Bill Clinton and Michael Jackson were on a sinking cruise ship. Kerry said, "We have to save the women and children!" Bush said, "Fuck the women and children!" Clinton and Michael Jackson said, "Do you think there's time?" ------- When is bedtime at the Michael Jackson Ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand. ------- What's the difference between a high-flying trapeze act and the Rockettes? The trapeze act is a cunning array of stunts.......... ------- Dirty Johnny was always late to school. The teacher said that if he didn't have a good excuse the next time, he would be suspended. Sure enough the next day he was late, so Dirty Johnny started explaining. "You see, I wanted to take the bus so I would be on time. But all of a sudden this car came screaming through the intersection and slammed into a truck. And the driver got the stick-shift right up his ass!" "Rectum, Johnny." "Rectum? It damn near killed him!" ------- Graffiti on a bathroom stall: I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER! Graffiti just below: Go home, Dad, you're drunk. ------- Three old men are discussing the problems of aging. Earl says to his friends, "My body is just falling apart. When I was a young man, I used to be able to piss like a racehorse. Now I'm happy if I can manage more than a trickle." "I know what you mean," says Stanley. "I used to be able to take a dump and continue with my day. But with all the exertion I have to go through now, I'm too tired to do anything else!" Winston responds, "I hear you, fellas. Every morning at 6:00 I have a strong piss, and every morning at 7:00 I take a good long dump." His friends look at him and ask, "How is that horrible, Winston?" "I don't wake up until 8:00." ------- A white guy is at a public urinal doing his business when a 6'5" black guy comes running in, quickly unzips his fly, and pulls out a massive 13 inch dick and starts pissing. The black guy says, "Whew, I just made it." The white guy asks him, "Can you make me one, too?" ------- What's 12 inches long and white? Nothing. ------- What's the difference between syphillis and gonorrhea? The flavor! ------- (I warned you about reading down this far......) What's 15 inches long, stiff as a board, and makes women go crazy? Crib death. ---Nover Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #52 November 15, 2004 Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle. Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bodypilot1 0 #53 December 11, 2004 A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon" The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum" The Greek says, "We had great mathematicians" The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire" and so on and so on and then the Greek says: "We invented sex" The Italian says: "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women" Edwww.WestCoastWingsuits.com www.PrecisionSkydiving.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aerohaga 0 #54 December 11, 2004 While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him saw the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, with her eyes gleaming lustfully. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once!"For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, But the sight of the stars makes me dream. -Vincent Van Gogh Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aerohaga 0 #55 December 11, 2004 CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and...... Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get me Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...For my part, I know nothing with any certainty, But the sight of the stars makes me dream. -Vincent Van Gogh Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
