crutch 0 #51 December 8, 2004 Kai, some advice from someone who has had two failed marriages do to skydiving. It had nothing to do with skydiving! The way you are talking, you sound miserable and it has nothing to do with you skydiving or not. Saying she wins, that is a bunch of bs and you are going to be angry about that. It is also going to eat at you like nothing else. Compromise is not such a good thing, finding a win-win situation is a much better thing to do. As my second marriage comes to a close, we sat down and discussed where each of us wanted to be in ten years. She didn't want to be involved or have any of the liability of the things I wanted to do. So we are going our seperate ways, but because we are are still very good friends we are actually staying very close. No hard feelings, no messy court battles, none of that stuff. What I am trying to say is, you need to be true to yourself, don't compromise, get some counseling, find a win-win solution, it is out there, it might not be obvious, but you can find it it without giving up the things that make you who you are!blue skies, art Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
killler 2 #52 December 8, 2004 I hate to put in my 2cents, But...... I have been married for 25years and raised three great kids.... Skydiving was always a "sticky" spot over the years... I went from a jumper to a DZO... I stopped jumping a few years ago do to a bad back and just sold the airplane a few months ago.... The point???? We still have the same marriage with it's sticky spots.... A marriage is about letting the other live their life to the fullest and to share their happiness. Not to live life in misery together.... Think long and hard before giving up something you love, To someone thats suppose to love you and wants you to be happy.... Killer...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #53 December 8, 2004 Quote"If you truly love something set it free. If it comes back to you then it was meant to be you probably high-sided." Common mistake.it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #54 December 8, 2004 I'm pretty much agreeing with the people recommending that you don't give up skydiving. C'mon. Why is she thinking if she takes this away from you it will make things happy-ever-after? It's not. What is the real reason she wants you to give this up? It can't be because she's petrified you'd die? She would have butted heads with you a LONG time ago and in a much more forceful way. I haven't seen anyone who'se given up skydiving come back and say "you know what, that was the best thing for my marriage it SURE was putting a strain on it, fo shizzle!" If I were in your shoes, I would counter her (if there were no kids in the picture) and question her motives. ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #55 December 8, 2004 Quotebut in order to save what's left of my marriage i'm going to walk away from the sport. From your own words, it sounds like it is dissolving already. Find a marriage counselor (religious or not) if you're truly interested in saving it. Giving up skydiving isn't going to cure it. ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #56 December 8, 2004 Good luck with your decision. I do agree with those that have suggested you get counseling. From what you have stated, there are more issues going on then you skydiving.Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 221 #57 December 8, 2004 You have to do what you think is the right thing to do. Noone can make those decisions for you. It takes courage to change. That said, ask yourself this . . . 1) How much resentment to you think this might foster in you toward her? 2) Would you ever ask her to give up something equivalent? 3) What advice would you give your dearest friend, if they were pressuring thier spouse to give something up?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #58 December 8, 2004 I don't know your situation, and I think everyone here assuming that it can be simplified into a stereotype is foolish. It is a common misconception in a forum environment that an answer to anything will fit in a posting window. You alone know the entire situation. Follow your instincts. I will say from personal experience...search for the root cause. Skydiving often brings relationship issues to the surface due to the intensity of the connected feelings. However, it does not create anything not already present in a relationship. That being said sometimes you have to remove urgency from a sensitive issue to allow it to heal. I hope this is the road you are aiming for. In any case, no matter what you choose, sell your gear or not, etc. We will be waiting to welcome you back. Blue Skies, Live Free.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #59 December 8, 2004 The right decision in someone else's time frame is usually not the right decision. Staying in the sport because a bunch of jumpers on the internet say so, makes no more sense than getting out because his wife says so. To thine own self be true. That this the final answer, anyone that loves you will accept and appreciate that, including other jumpers. I have been on both sides of this, as I am historically a dominant person. I have learned in the last year it is VERY important, to yourself as much as the others, to accept others decisions in their own time. Give advice, and then love the friend regardles of the choice. Sometimes they have to find the singularity of the right decision for themselves. Otherwise it will never be satisfying.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kai2k1 0 #60 December 8, 2004 QuoteHave you tried Marriage counseling? Hey Ron, Yes we have tried counseling, as a matter of fact we have been in it every week for the past 4 months. We had our last appointment yesterday evening (the insurance company is cutting us off) and things went great. On the way home is when she brought this up to me. I'm going to talk to her some more when she gets home and maybe she can come to realize how much this sport means to me. Its no secret among my friends, they know i live to jump. Hopefully we can come to some other type of agreement and get to the bottom of what's really going on. There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sabre2th 0 #61 December 8, 2004 I didn't read the whole thread, so this may have been said. If someone loves you, they should not make you stop something you love. How long you been married? I mean, I could understand if it was drugs or something illeagal, but a sport?? Yes, it is dangerous, but so are many other things in life. Maybe I misunderstood, but it sounds like the classic "me, or skydivng" thing. Just my very humble oppinion. Nick. Those who dance, are cosidered insane by those who can't hear the music. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ron 10 #62 December 8, 2004 Not yrying to start anything, but something to think about Quote I'm going to talk to her some more when she gets home and maybe she can come to realize how much this sport means to me. Its no secret among my friends, they know i live to jump. Maybe she does not want to play second place in your life? Find out where she is in your life. If she is #1, then make her feel #1. Whatever that takes. If she is #1 in your life and FEELS that way to her...then there is room for #2 Skydiving. If skydiving is #1, and she is #2.....Then you need to make a choice. I am in no way a professional, and my personal life has shown that. But just something to think about."No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #63 December 8, 2004 Ron that is AWESOME advice! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #64 December 8, 2004 Is it a money issue? The amount of time you spend working in order to support skydiving? Or dose the money you spend skydiving cut into the budget? What about the amount of time you send at the DZ? Are you getting the things that need to be done around the house done before heading out the door for the day? Or are things not getting done, cause you are either at work, to support your habit, or at the DZ. There are always two sides to a story. Right now we are only hearing your side. Kai, please in no way take this that I'm picking on you. I'm just trying to see the forest through the trees.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #65 December 8, 2004 QuoteHopefully we can come to some other type of agreement and get to the bottom of what's really going on. Often, the reasons given have nothing to do with the real reasons. Compromise is trading something you have for something you want. If you believe that it is critical to making your marriage successful, do it. However, watch out that you are expected to "compromise" on everything from now on. Take a large granite cubic block. Chip off a tiny corner... and one more... eventually you will have a ball that rolls in any direction. "Wouldn't it be fun if WE stayed home and watched the Oprah marathon?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #66 December 9, 2004 QuoteQuoteYou've got to do what you've got to do, BUT I promise you you'll regret it later. Even worst is if you sell your gear its gonna cost even more to get back into the sport later. I disagree. The sport will always be there when you are ready for it and willing to welcome you back. The woman he loves will not be. I'm in that situation now. I made my choice already. I know his position, and I applaud him for it. Guitars, parachutes, dogs, cats, cars, family, friends, (insert what you like here) will always be there.............women will come and go! "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #67 December 9, 2004 I'm not giving any sort of advice, but I do recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060916044/qid=1102568645/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/002-5701424-5928013There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flygirl03 0 #68 December 9, 2004 QuoteAs of January 1 2005 I am going to give up skydiving, and put my gear up for sale. Its been a fun ride while its lasted, but in order to save what's left of my marriage i'm going to walk away from the sport. I wish it would not have come to this, but I guess this is the way things are going to have to be. I estimate that by the end of the month I'll have around 80 jumps, Hopefully no cutaways and no major injuries. I guess its not that bad for a year and a half in the sport. \ im sorry my friend, i know how much you Love jumping... all the more reason for me to get out to the dz saturday... we STILL have to make that jump together!!! cin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ earthbound misfit Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
killler 2 #69 December 9, 2004 People.... You need to reread Kai2k1"s posts.... If this was a woman writing about a man telling her to give up EVERY thing she likes to do for the last 4yrs ,There is no way you'd be telling her to stay.... I don't know Kai2k1, but I've seen people controled by their mate in the name of love.... This woman is in need of a slap upside the head.... Just like a guy who contols a wowman needs a smack upside the head... Love is a great thing with the right person... Hell with the wrong one.... Life is short..... Be happy..... killer........ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #70 December 9, 2004 Quote People.... You need to reread Kai2k1"s posts.... If this was a woman writing about a man telling her to give up EVERY thing she likes to do for the last 4yrs ,There is no way you'd be telling her to stay.... ... amen... compare it with similar posts (not that nessesarily apply to giving up skydiving, but that ask for that much one sided sacrifice) about mates from the womens forum...____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #71 December 9, 2004 Quote People.... You need to reread Kai2k1"s posts.... If this was a woman writing about a man telling her to give up EVERY thing she likes to do for the last 4yrs ,There is no way you'd be telling her to stay.... I don't know Kai2k1, but I've seen people controled by their mate in the name of love.... This woman is in need of a slap upside the head.... Just like a guy who contols a wowman needs a smack upside the head... Love is a great thing with the right person... Hell with the wrong one.... Life is short..... Be happy..... killer........ Please tell me you are joking. Violence isn't the answer.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
killler 2 #72 December 9, 2004 No violence is not what I'm saying..... The "Smack upside the head" means to have ones eyes opened and get real.... To see the light! Killer..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #73 December 9, 2004 QuoteNo violence is not what I'm saying..... The "Smack upside the head" means to have ones eyes opened and get real.... To see the light! Killer..... Then maybe that's what you should have said, as it's hard to know if someone is joking on the Internet. I can't see your facial expressions.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #74 December 9, 2004 QuoteAs of January 1 2005 I am going to give up skydiving, and put my gear up for sale. Its been a fun ride while its lasted, but in order to save what's left of my marriage i'm going to walk away from the sport. I wish it would not have come to this, but I guess this is the way things are going to have to be. I estimate that by the end of the month I'll have around 80 jumps, Hopefully no cutaways and no major injuries. I guess its not that bad for a year and a half in the sport. \ If you stop jumping because of pressure put on you by your spouse, your marriage will be shot anyway. Trust me on this one, I've been there and got the T-Shirt. You'll resent the hell out of her for it sooner or later, and it sounds like you already have problems which jumping is just the focus for now. Once that is removed, that focus will just move to other areas of your relationship and you won't have the jumping to go and decompress yourself with emotionally. So, my advice would be. 1. Stop jumping but KEEP THE GEAR ! 2. Go to counseling 3 If that doesn't work, get divorced, sooner rather than later. 4. Resume jumping either way. If you're a jumper you're a jumper. This isn't about the jumping. It never is. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsey 0 #75 December 9, 2004 I love jumping too, but there are some things that are more important. Whether you're taking a leave from jumping because of pressure from her or because your marriage needs more of your attention or whatever, I have to say kudos to you for putting the relative importance of the two things (marriage and skydiving) into perspective. But I say keep the gear too...lol Peace~ linz-- A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
