flyangel2 2 #26 December 8, 2004 Kai, the sky will always be there. You do what you need to do to save the marriage. These other people that are telling you to not sell your gear or not give up skydiving, have no idea what they are talking about. What happens between you and your wife is between you and your wife. NONE of us have been in the same room with you and your wife and hear what conversations you two are having. I am proud of you. Willing to work on a marriage in a throw away society. If you do come back, there will always be gear to buy. You don't want to be jumping old, out dated gear. Good luck to you, and don't be a stranger. Love and big hugs, MarMay your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #27 December 8, 2004 Quotehey you big goof ball we all once were whuffos, just some people are stupid, it's got nothing to do with being a whuffo I knew you would hijack my reply! Seriously, she is/was stupid. The new "love of her life" doesn't make anywhere what my brother was making, but he's easier to manipulate than the first two husbands. The kid was from her first husband, by the way (my brother was her 2nd ). Maybe 3rd time is the charm? At this rate, who cares? ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,485 #28 December 8, 2004 I quit for about 13 years (made 2 jumps in that time). I don't regret the years I didn't skydive at all -- there are other worthwhile things to do with your time, and I did them. I did keep my gear, and am glad I did, but, well, if and when you get back in the sport, there will be rental and appropriate inexpensive gear to be had. The gear I had I gave away -- that's what it was worth in residual value. It was worth a whole lot more when I quit. So selling it and investing the money would have been a better use, but, well, having it meant that I could take my time picking new. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #29 December 8, 2004 Hmm I did something like this.. and it did not work.. I ended up not skydiving for 20 years.. BUT I still spent plenty of tie in the sky with other activities.. flying and paragliding... What is your SO giving up???? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #30 December 8, 2004 QuoteWhat is your SO giving up???? Do we really need to know? I mean come on people, not directed at you Jennie, but maybe she has given up a lot already. People, I'll say it again, We do not know what was discussed between these two people. We will never know. Kai, hang in there, a wife and children can't be replaced. You made a commitment to them years ago before you even started skydiving. Follow through with that commitment. Man, looking at the numbers with people that want Kai to not give up skydiving and instead get rid of the wife, that is scary. No wonder the world has lost it's sense of all family values. My boys lost their father when they were very young. I would have given up skydiving to never have lost him for my boys sake. I thank God every day that my boys turned out to be wonderful adults. Big hugs MarMay your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #31 December 8, 2004 My point was very simple... I was expected to give give give give.. give.. and if indeed a marriage is a partnership BOTH people need to work on it together. KNowing how I feel about jumping... my love of the sky.. it hurt to lose that part of my life back then. It was very very one sided and led to many other problems.... Kai...By all means work on the relationship.. now while you can.. but when two people invest in a relationship.. it needs balance. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #32 December 8, 2004 QuoteI know someone who was faced with giving up the sport to salvage the marriage, but instead of giving it up altogether, they agreed to compromise. He only jumps 2 days each month (every other Saturday). The other weekend days are quality time with his son. Even though the compromise was satisfactory to both of them and things improved somewhat, the marriage still didn't last. He said it was because there were more issues than the skydiving and once skydiving was out of the picture (to blame) then the other issues became apparent and they couldn't resolve them. Even though the marriage didn't work out, he continued to jump 2 days/month and feels that it's helped him create balance in his life and quality time with his son. This is kinda what I am doing...although it wasn't to salvage anything, as we're good together as we are...it was a compromise to keep our family strong. I was only jumping on Fridays, however now with the darkness coming earlier, I'm not going to be getting out to go sky-jumpin' but maybe twice per month so as not to interfere with our other family stuff. Perfeclty Ok with me! If it's not, well congrats on making the tougher decision. And should things change in the future...maybe she may change her mind later on, who knows...you can always start jumpin' again. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #33 December 8, 2004 I completely agree with everything that you have written, Flyangel. Kai's relationship is none of our business. Also, loved ones should always be more important than a sport, no matter how much passionately we may love the sport. Not all relationships should be about having to choose, but Kai must have good reasons to think that this is for the best. Once again, it's HIS life and his decisions, not ours. Everyone is different and wants different things out of life. There is no better or worse because you do or don't skydive. It's just different, that's all. Kai, I admire you for making such a difficult decision because you are doing it with the best intentions. Good luck with your marriage, and I hope that you find happiness. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #34 December 8, 2004 QuoteMy soon to be wife is a jumping fool, better at RW then I am already. Dude, I heard that's no great accomplishment... (Sorry Kai, I had to take that one... -I did have a serious response for ya above...^ ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites AggieDave 6 #35 December 8, 2004 QuoteDude, I heard that's no great accomplishment... Its not, but she has about 1200 jumps less then I do, so that does mean a little something. She's VERY good for just under 200 jumps.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites killabee 0 #36 December 8, 2004 Don't sell your gear....fer atleast 1 yr. This is somethin that you'll ALWAYS think n dream about. Things will change (they always do)....sellin your gear is like burnin a bridge my friend. Good luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites dropzonefool 0 #37 December 8, 2004 As of January 1 2005 I am going to give up skydiving, and put my gear up for sale. Its been a fun ride while its lasted, but in order to save what's left of my marriage i'm going to walk away from the sport. I wish it would not have come to this, but I guess this is the way things are going to have to be. I estimate that by the end of the month I'll have around 80 jumps, Hopefully no cutaways and no major injuries. I guess its not that bad for a year and a half in the sport. \ Blues Kai, "Perdido Llaves Rodriguez"<<<< Does anyone know how to spell hiatus? It is what you wanna do, not quit. No one likes a quiter Good luck to you man, I was contemplating this for sometime for different reasons. 8 months later I made a come back and haven't looked back yet. Sometime a person needs to stop and reflect on there life and their choices they have made. If it is at all possibale try not to rush into selling your gear, maybe wait a while. I listed mine, but no one bought it for the price i was asking, i guess I'm lucky no one did, cause then I would have been gearless. Have you tried talking your wife into jumping? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sunshine 2 #38 December 8, 2004 Can i have your RW suit? I think it will fit me and i need one. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kai2k1 0 #39 December 8, 2004 Hey everyone, Thanks for all the replies. Some of you have asked what she is giving up, In the shortest answer possible NOTHING. She claims that she gave up having a child back when we got married and that doesnt compare with anything that she is asking me to do. I told her from the get go that I did not want any kids of my own. I inherited a stepson with this marriage. And thats as far as it went. As far as the "slippery slope" arguement goes, Its hard to give up something else when there's nothing else to give up. In 2000 (a year after we were married) I gave up going out all the time with the guys, pretty much gave up playing golf, Sold the boat i had since we "couldn't afford" it. as well as a few other activities that were self-destructive. Ive been wrestling with this decision for some time now and the bottom line is that she wins. \ There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kai2k1 0 #40 December 8, 2004 I once overheard a quote that said something to the effect of "If you truly love something set it free. If it comes back to you then it was meant to be" I sinccerely hope this decision is one that will come back to me at some point. \ There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyangel2 2 #41 December 8, 2004 Quotebottom line is that she wins If that's the way you are looking at it, then no body will win in this situation.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sunshine 2 #42 December 8, 2004 Ok, but what about your RW suit? ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites windcatcher 0 #43 December 8, 2004 Hey, I hope everything works out for you and your wife kai--love what flyangel2 and Rosa said. Marriage is a pretty important thing, shouldn't relationships w/ loved ones be more important than anything else? When we die, MOST of us will want our friends and family around, and not our accomplishments, skydiving awards,etc. So I'm young and a newbie, but I still know what's important in life. Things can and will get better--marriage is hard work and it's good to see that you are willing to do whatever in order to see the commitments you made to your wife be fulfilled. Blessings! Sarah Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bigway 4 #44 December 8, 2004 Dude, what are you doing?? if you have had to give up everything else and now the one thing that you must love so much (skydiving) you say there is nothing left to give up. Does not sound like a happy marriage. have you given up your balls too? Do not sell your gear though, it will be tough to get back into the sport without the gear. I would give up swearing and i would give up entertainment systems, drinking, gambling, just about anything for the person i love, but come on, to take away the last bit of freedom you have? I dont know you or your situation bbut i really hope it is not as bad as it sounds, you sound miserable! Why dont you organise a bar-b-q at your house, invite a whole lot of jumping couples and mates over, before they arrive have a wisper in their ear and ask them to be on best behavior and to pay your wife alot of attention, At the end of the night if all goes right she would think they are fantastic people. Then you be sad for the next few weeks, when she asks why you are so down, instead of saying anything about jumping, tell her that you miss all your friends and now have nothing in common with them. If she can play the guilt trip on you to give it up, give it straight back. You are not someones possesion. Just dont let her talk you into getting your balls chopped off. .Karnage Krew Gear Store . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Zenister 0 #45 December 8, 2004 QuoteQuotebottom line is that she wins If that's the way you are looking at it, then no body will win in this situation. no one ever believes me... but i sometime hate being right.....____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Tonto 1 #46 December 8, 2004 QuoteQuoteYou've got to do what you've got to do, BUT I promise you you'll regret it later. Even worst is if you sell your gear its gonna cost even more to get back into the sport later. I think he would regret it more if his marriage ends and he realizes he could have done something to save it. Do what ya gotta do to be happy. Giving up skydiving will never save a marriage. You're feeding the monster, and when you have nothing left - it will leave anyway. I suggest you leave skydiving out of discussions with your wife. Talk about both your and her past relationships. Why did they end. If all your relationships end for the same reason - it's not your (or her) partners that are the problem. It's you. (or her.) I've been divorced 9 years now. My ultimatum was "No more World Meets." Ironically, since the divorce I've stopped competition skydiving, but for the last 20 years, the sky has been my constant companion. Never lied, never cheated, never decieved, and has offered rewards I could never have imagined when I began down this road. How many relationships have you had that were that honest? tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mouth 0 #47 December 8, 2004 QuoteQuotebottom line is that she wins If that's the way you are looking at it, then no body will win in this situation. I honestly believe that if the marriage is important enough to you both then you'll work through this. It sounds like you are resenting everything that you have done or given up to this point and resent giving up jumping now too. I can almost feel the disgust in your post. That said, you will never work it out with those feelings predominant. -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RevJim 0 #48 December 8, 2004 I don't know what to write to this, bud, I just don't know. Skydiving has brought my wife and I closer together, even though I can't get her to jump. I now bring her to Rantoul with me (she and my daughter were selling the t-shirts and stuff by manifest), and even (finally) got her on a plane for an observation ride. This was a HUGE improvement over recent feelings and words between us. I spent too much time at the DZ, and not enough with her. I could see that point, but it didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't the skydiving that was driving us apart, it was my job. That job was the same as the one you now have. If you people think skydivers have high divorce rates, maybe you should look at the rates of truck drivers. It's huge. Maybe, bud, it's not the jumping, it's the time in general. I know, you need to support a family, but there are other ways. Talk with her about it. If you were home more often, would that change her opinion of skydiving? If not, get to the root. You love skydiving, that much I know. Before you give it up (I'm not saying don't quit, I'm saying figure out for yourself exactly WHY you are quitting first), talk about it. Look for some common ground, and maybe even a new career. You'll never know, unless you try.It's your life, live it! Karma RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Pawl 0 #49 December 8, 2004 By regret it, I was trying to say that you'll most likely come back to the sport at some point. I couldn't agree more with this statement. I tried, sold almost everything, lasted 1 month and came crawling back. That was in '99 and have never even entertained the idea again !"Africa is not for sissies" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #34 December 8, 2004 QuoteMy soon to be wife is a jumping fool, better at RW then I am already. Dude, I heard that's no great accomplishment... (Sorry Kai, I had to take that one... -I did have a serious response for ya above...^ ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #35 December 8, 2004 QuoteDude, I heard that's no great accomplishment... Its not, but she has about 1200 jumps less then I do, so that does mean a little something. She's VERY good for just under 200 jumps.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
killabee 0 #36 December 8, 2004 Don't sell your gear....fer atleast 1 yr. This is somethin that you'll ALWAYS think n dream about. Things will change (they always do)....sellin your gear is like burnin a bridge my friend. Good luck! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dropzonefool 0 #37 December 8, 2004 As of January 1 2005 I am going to give up skydiving, and put my gear up for sale. Its been a fun ride while its lasted, but in order to save what's left of my marriage i'm going to walk away from the sport. I wish it would not have come to this, but I guess this is the way things are going to have to be. I estimate that by the end of the month I'll have around 80 jumps, Hopefully no cutaways and no major injuries. I guess its not that bad for a year and a half in the sport. \ Blues Kai, "Perdido Llaves Rodriguez"<<<< Does anyone know how to spell hiatus? It is what you wanna do, not quit. No one likes a quiter Good luck to you man, I was contemplating this for sometime for different reasons. 8 months later I made a come back and haven't looked back yet. Sometime a person needs to stop and reflect on there life and their choices they have made. If it is at all possibale try not to rush into selling your gear, maybe wait a while. I listed mine, but no one bought it for the price i was asking, i guess I'm lucky no one did, cause then I would have been gearless. Have you tried talking your wife into jumping? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #38 December 8, 2004 Can i have your RW suit? I think it will fit me and i need one. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kai2k1 0 #39 December 8, 2004 Hey everyone, Thanks for all the replies. Some of you have asked what she is giving up, In the shortest answer possible NOTHING. She claims that she gave up having a child back when we got married and that doesnt compare with anything that she is asking me to do. I told her from the get go that I did not want any kids of my own. I inherited a stepson with this marriage. And thats as far as it went. As far as the "slippery slope" arguement goes, Its hard to give up something else when there's nothing else to give up. In 2000 (a year after we were married) I gave up going out all the time with the guys, pretty much gave up playing golf, Sold the boat i had since we "couldn't afford" it. as well as a few other activities that were self-destructive. Ive been wrestling with this decision for some time now and the bottom line is that she wins. \ There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kai2k1 0 #40 December 8, 2004 I once overheard a quote that said something to the effect of "If you truly love something set it free. If it comes back to you then it was meant to be" I sinccerely hope this decision is one that will come back to me at some point. \ There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #41 December 8, 2004 Quotebottom line is that she wins If that's the way you are looking at it, then no body will win in this situation.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #42 December 8, 2004 Ok, but what about your RW suit? ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #43 December 8, 2004 Hey, I hope everything works out for you and your wife kai--love what flyangel2 and Rosa said. Marriage is a pretty important thing, shouldn't relationships w/ loved ones be more important than anything else? When we die, MOST of us will want our friends and family around, and not our accomplishments, skydiving awards,etc. So I'm young and a newbie, but I still know what's important in life. Things can and will get better--marriage is hard work and it's good to see that you are willing to do whatever in order to see the commitments you made to your wife be fulfilled. Blessings! Sarah Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bigway 4 #44 December 8, 2004 Dude, what are you doing?? if you have had to give up everything else and now the one thing that you must love so much (skydiving) you say there is nothing left to give up. Does not sound like a happy marriage. have you given up your balls too? Do not sell your gear though, it will be tough to get back into the sport without the gear. I would give up swearing and i would give up entertainment systems, drinking, gambling, just about anything for the person i love, but come on, to take away the last bit of freedom you have? I dont know you or your situation bbut i really hope it is not as bad as it sounds, you sound miserable! Why dont you organise a bar-b-q at your house, invite a whole lot of jumping couples and mates over, before they arrive have a wisper in their ear and ask them to be on best behavior and to pay your wife alot of attention, At the end of the night if all goes right she would think they are fantastic people. Then you be sad for the next few weeks, when she asks why you are so down, instead of saying anything about jumping, tell her that you miss all your friends and now have nothing in common with them. If she can play the guilt trip on you to give it up, give it straight back. You are not someones possesion. Just dont let her talk you into getting your balls chopped off. .Karnage Krew Gear Store . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #45 December 8, 2004 QuoteQuotebottom line is that she wins If that's the way you are looking at it, then no body will win in this situation. no one ever believes me... but i sometime hate being right.....____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #46 December 8, 2004 QuoteQuoteYou've got to do what you've got to do, BUT I promise you you'll regret it later. Even worst is if you sell your gear its gonna cost even more to get back into the sport later. I think he would regret it more if his marriage ends and he realizes he could have done something to save it. Do what ya gotta do to be happy. Giving up skydiving will never save a marriage. You're feeding the monster, and when you have nothing left - it will leave anyway. I suggest you leave skydiving out of discussions with your wife. Talk about both your and her past relationships. Why did they end. If all your relationships end for the same reason - it's not your (or her) partners that are the problem. It's you. (or her.) I've been divorced 9 years now. My ultimatum was "No more World Meets." Ironically, since the divorce I've stopped competition skydiving, but for the last 20 years, the sky has been my constant companion. Never lied, never cheated, never decieved, and has offered rewards I could never have imagined when I began down this road. How many relationships have you had that were that honest? tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mouth 0 #47 December 8, 2004 QuoteQuotebottom line is that she wins If that's the way you are looking at it, then no body will win in this situation. I honestly believe that if the marriage is important enough to you both then you'll work through this. It sounds like you are resenting everything that you have done or given up to this point and resent giving up jumping now too. I can almost feel the disgust in your post. That said, you will never work it out with those feelings predominant. -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RevJim 0 #48 December 8, 2004 I don't know what to write to this, bud, I just don't know. Skydiving has brought my wife and I closer together, even though I can't get her to jump. I now bring her to Rantoul with me (she and my daughter were selling the t-shirts and stuff by manifest), and even (finally) got her on a plane for an observation ride. This was a HUGE improvement over recent feelings and words between us. I spent too much time at the DZ, and not enough with her. I could see that point, but it didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't the skydiving that was driving us apart, it was my job. That job was the same as the one you now have. If you people think skydivers have high divorce rates, maybe you should look at the rates of truck drivers. It's huge. Maybe, bud, it's not the jumping, it's the time in general. I know, you need to support a family, but there are other ways. Talk with her about it. If you were home more often, would that change her opinion of skydiving? If not, get to the root. You love skydiving, that much I know. Before you give it up (I'm not saying don't quit, I'm saying figure out for yourself exactly WHY you are quitting first), talk about it. Look for some common ground, and maybe even a new career. You'll never know, unless you try.It's your life, live it! Karma RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pawl 0 #49 December 8, 2004 By regret it, I was trying to say that you'll most likely come back to the sport at some point. I couldn't agree more with this statement. I tried, sold almost everything, lasted 1 month and came crawling back. That was in '99 and have never even entertained the idea again !"Africa is not for sissies" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ron 10 #50 December 8, 2004 Dude....Relationship advice from a bunch of skydivers? RIGHT! Have you tried Marriage counseling? I knew it was time to leave my first wife when I asked you to go and she told me no. She was not willing to work on the relationship, and I was not willing to live the way we were. Not telling you what to do, since I really doubt anyone has the secret to relationships. But I would try couples counseling. If not then make the best choices you can. ONLY you and her know what the real problems are. Good luck and the sky was here before we all were born, and it will wait for you if you want to come back. Only you can live your life. PM me if ya want."No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
