If you weren't anybody then nobody could --- what?

[mouth 0]

As many of you know I'm a teacher, and I need your imput. I'm reading A Solitary Blue by Cynthia Voigt to my students. The story is a very emotional one that takes a young boy through the trials of dealing with his mother walking out on him when he is 7 leaving him with a father that has no idea how to be a parent. He basically shuts himself away from people in order to protect his heart and possibly his sanity.

We are at the point in the book where the boy states that "If you weren't anybody then nobody could -- what? Hurt you or leave you behind? Make you unhappy? But then they couldn't make you happy either, could they? If you played it safe, then you kept safe."

My problem here is explaining this passage to my kids in a way they would understand that life is about taking risks on yourself, on others. How to explain about facing those fears and hopefully coming out on top. How would you explain it since we all seem to be risk takers?

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[quatorze 1]

it says it right there in the passage, Emotional and/or physical pain can find you any where, on the sidewalk, in the cafe, even in your back yard, yes you can hide in you house for ever, but the view would never change

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[desertsky 0]

I'd ask the kids what they think it means - guide them a little if they need some help, but you'd be surprised what stuff a lot of them really do understand. Let them do the explaining!

***********************************
lookin' for that old time, friendly, club-like dz

[raggdoll 0]

Quote

We are at the point in the book where the boy states that "If you weren't anybody then nobody could -- what? Hurt you or leave you behind? Make you unhappy? But then they couldn't make you happy either, could they? If you played it safe, then you kept safe."

My problem here is explaining this passage to my kids in a way they would understand that life is about taking risks on yourself, on others. How to explain about facing those fears and hopefully coming out on top. How would you explain it since we all seem to be risk takers?

This reminded me of one of my favorite quotes: "If you don't risk anything you risk even more" (Erica Jong).

Can you explain it to them in terms of the "risk of not taking a risk," or, if this is better wording, "what are the risks of -not- doing something?"

Everything is a risk; we sometimes only focus on the abnormally dangerous as hazardous, but everything has a consequence. There's a risk with riding a bicycle, but not many see this as dangerous (example, my brother broke his jaw riding his ten-speed). There's a risk in not doing something, as well. We don't learn, we don't grow, we don't discover what we're capable of.

And in terms of the direct quote you cited, if we don't take action, if we completely isolate ourselves from others, no one can hurt us, but no one can love us, either. No one can ever learn anything about us; we're safe from being emotionally hurt, though we're also "safe" from being emotionally fulfilled.

Maybe that helps some?

[Patkat 0]

Why not have them act this out, in a simple and safe manner? Just a quick idea, and you know your class best, but what if you paired your students up, and had one member of each pair give the other a simple compliment - a list of acceptable ones would be good - keep it within bounds.
The first time, the receiver of the compliment is supposed to do nothing, no smile, no acknowledgement at all. The second time they are supposed to smile and say thank you. Then the whole class discusses how it felt pretend they are "nobody" as opposed to giving and receiving.
As I'm writing this, I'm not sure that it would be workable - depends on the students, and how easily you can keep them within non-hurtful limits - the idea is to explore the positive side of openness briefly, and lead into a discussion of the negative side as seen in the book. The essential question in the exercise is, "What is it like to be 'nobody'?"
If you try something along these lines, let me know how it worked, eh?

Patkat
gotta exercise my demons!

[wmw999 2,439]

That sounds like a good idea. Maybe you can also talk to them about things like the risk and reward of asking a girl or boy to a party (birthday party or any other type, as long as they're the ones doing the asking). Then maybe about asking someone on a date -- it's scary.

Of course, the kids who have been shot down consistently will have more troubles with this.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[mouth 0]

I've tried several of these ideas with the three classes I've had so far. They seem to be having trouble with the concept of being "nobody". They also seem to have trouble grasping what it is like to be so afraid of being hurt that you'll do anything not to be noticed for fear of being hurt.

Thanks for the ideas gang.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[Deuce 1]

Well, maybe substitute being "nothing" and then being "something". I just happen to have gotten back from my morning teaching my group of third graders.

I've noticed that these kids are very exposed when they take risks, like reading to a group, and then mispronouncing a word and then all the kids laugh. They are being "nobody" when they are just quietly out in the audience, and the public speaker is the "somebody". The "somebody" can get a real boost out of reading a passage perfectly, but will really want to instantly be a "nobody" if they screw it up.

There is no risk to being a nobody, but there is no possibility of reward. The challenge is to motivate the young ones to take reasonable risks, and understand in advance what the up and downsides are.

I think the same exposure to risk is there when we tell someone we love them, or respect them. If they respond with hostility or contempt, we want to be a nothing/nobody. However if we proceed as if we are already are a nothing/nobody and don't let the person know how we feel, we won't know that they love us back, and know us and respect us as well.

[Raefordite 0]

My favorite----
You know you love milk chocolate and so that is all you eat. You munch and munch to your hearts content never considering anything else. Then one day a piece of dark chocolate is found in your box of chocolates. Well, I'll try it just this one time. WOW! You love it! Who could have possibly know that dark chocolate could be even better! All those years of eating milk chocolate when you could have been eating dark chocolate if you had just thought outside of your box of chocolates to give it a try.

And so the story goes, some times the risk is small other times great, but only if you try will you find if it is just great.

You can change the story to fit sports or almost anything. Just make sure the kids don't relate it to the "trial use" of drugs, smoking or sex.

Good luck Teach!

[jtval 0]

if I remember correctly they is youngins right(4th grade??)?

explain it to them on thier level.
talk about passing a note (or asking) to the girl/boy they like.

remind them of the feeling of courage it takes to pass it. then ask them...what f you NEVER PASSED A NOTE IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?
nobody would know you existed and nobody would care if you felt lonely b/c you didnt pass that note.

NOW imagine if you did pass the note?
you may get a friends from it. you may not. but the important thing it that you tried. and once you pass that first note you'll find it easier to write another one.

then explain some scenarios if you passed the note.


once they get the idea, you'll have to explian that passing notes in class is wrong and you are the antichrist who wnats her class to be alone forever

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[Zenister 0]

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They also seem to have trouble grasping what it is like to be so afraid of being hurt that you'll do anything not to be noticed for fear of being hurt.

hmmm i vaguely remember what it was like to not know pain.... i dont think that is something you can really 'teach' anyone, at least not without actually hurting them....some lessons you have to 'learn by doing' and then learn to get over the lesson itself...

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[mouth 0]

GREAT idea, Kate. I have enough chocolate to share with one class so I'll try it last period and let ya know how it goes.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[peregrinerose 0]

Isn't Cynthia Voigt great? I loved her books as a kid, still have most of them now.

How about comparing it to being locked in a box. No other people allowed to visit you, you not allowed to visit them. That is what being a nobody is like, total invisibility, intentionally walling yourself off from the world. You matter to no one, no one matters to you.

If you are locked in that box, it is impossible for anyone to throw stones at you or hurt you. But it is also impossible for them to crack a joke and make you laugh.

If you open a window to that box, you take a chance at having a stone thrown at you. But you also take a chance at having someone tell you a good joke.

Which is better, to be in a box and never feel pain and never laugh, Or to open the box and feel pain, but also be able to laugh.

Jen

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[Squeak 17]

Quote

I've tried several of these ideas with the three classes I've had so far. They seem to be having trouble with the concept of being "nobody". They also seem to have trouble grasping what it is like to be so afraid of being hurt that you'll do anything not to be noticed for fear of being hurt.

Thanks for the ideas gang.

OK as lame as this sounds please consider it.

There is an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where a girl is isolated in the school that she litterally becomes invisible, as if she didnt exsist, then the show goes on to highlight what effect the absence of her has.
it's actually much better than it sounds, I'm at work but when I get home I'll look up the episode title.

There was also a movie made about a similar theme set around Christmas, where the guy (jimmy stewart) said he wish he was never born, so an angel shows him what his town would have been like without his presence.(similar theme)

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[mouth 0]

Well, I managed to teach the concept many different ways today. We'll see tomorrow what if anything they took away from all that.

Thanks for all your help. Teaching something that deals with emotions and feeling is really difficult unless you just gloss over it and don't even attempt to touch on the meaning behind it all.

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.