boinky 0 #1 November 9, 2004 So, you have a secret and it could affect your relationship with your potential romantic target. You really like them and know that if you tell the secret up front, they could shut you down before you even get started. Or, you could wait until they find out and beg forgiveness. That way, perhaps they have grown attached to you and don't want to lose you. Plus, at least you may have made it to first base (or whatever) , but have probably ruined any future with them. Or, you keep them away from any chance that they'll ever find out and keep them (and I coin a phrase) "Fat, Dumb and Happy!" What would you choose and why?Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justaflygirl 0 #2 November 9, 2004 depends on what your "big secret", forgiveness is usually much easier to get than permission... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,447 #3 November 9, 2004 Yeah, but if it's a big part of you, then it's better to share up front than to live a lie. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mayberry 0 #4 November 9, 2004 Quotedepends on what your "big secret", forgiveness is usually much easier to get than permission... Agreed. DonDon Here's to friends! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #5 November 10, 2004 Quote depends on what your "big secret", forgiveness is usually much easier to get than permission... As long as it's not an STD. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dtpilot 0 #6 November 10, 2004 definitly seek forgiveness. If they cant except your secret they arent right for you "Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!" -- Friedrich Nietzsche Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #7 November 10, 2004 depends on the secret, but for most things: I wouldn't say anything too revealing right up front. go out for a while and hang out and see if you really enjoy each other's company. then, tell them if you find yourself getting really attached. if it's a really big, important secret (STD, divorce, still married, have kids, etc), make sure you tell them before you have sex, so they can make an educated decision about whether they want to be with you, knowing all the big facts. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mouth 0 #8 November 10, 2004 It is according to if your secret could adversely effect the health and well being of the other person or just piss them off. If it will maybe just piss them off but you are determined to do it then I say seek forgiveness....you really don't care about the relationship anyway. If it will cause harm to the other person through no fault of their own then you need to ask permission. If you still choose to do it and they want nothing else to do with you then you get what you wanted and what you deserve. -- Hot Mama At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #9 November 10, 2004 Seeking permission or beg for forgiveness: even if you do the former, you may still have to do the latter! "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #10 November 10, 2004 Without a doubt, I would say "ask permission". I would be a lot more accepting of some big secret if it was presented to me up front. If I found out later, and found out that you had been lying to me or keeping it from me, then I would have a hard time forgiving you or trusting you again. But that's just me. Dishonesty is at the top of my list of things I will not tolerate in a serious relationship. Any man who thought "begging for forgiveness after the fact" was the best option would be kicked out of my life pretty fast. Edited to say: I'm assuming from your post that this "secret" is something fairly significant and that you are looking to have a relationship with this person. Otherwise, my answer might be different. So come on, tell us what the secret is! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wee 0 #11 November 10, 2004 that could be anything! if it's something that will effect them , then yes... "ask". (although, that "ask permission" thing is kind of freaky)... are you wanting to try out a new doo or did you blow a huge sum of dinero on something stupid? -- one is easy to forgive! If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #12 November 10, 2004 QuoteAny man who thought "begging for forgiveness after the fact" was the best option would be kicked out of my life pretty fast. Even poor Frenchy? "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJL 235 #13 November 10, 2004 I think you're missing a choice. Just tell them and too bad if they don't like it. You have to live your life. If someone doesn't understand you and accept you then there's a fundamental flaw. I'm not saying that this concept applies to everything, there is a context."I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mary1979 0 #14 November 10, 2004 Best to ask for permission first. But sometimes even then you may need to beg forgiveness for even THINKING of asking "such" things Which would then be even better off not doing it first. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #15 November 10, 2004 Quoteif it's a really big, important secret (STD, divorce, still married, have kids, etc), make sure you tell them before you have sex, so they can make an educated decision about whether they want to be with you, knowing all the big facts. I think all those things should be discussed on the first date. You can bring the STD up in a way to get a feel for how the other person is feeling about some one that has an STD. But marriage, if you are married, then you shouldn't be dating yet. Divorced, not a big deal now a days. Kids? That needs to be told right up front, cause kids are part of the mix. I say be honest, no one has any right to play with some one else's emotions. What if you don't tell someone the truth, they get emotionally attached, then the ugly secret comes out. That is not fair to the person who is now emotional attached. Be honest.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #16 November 10, 2004 QuoteQuoteAny man who thought "begging for forgiveness after the fact" was the best option would be kicked out of my life pretty fast. Even poor Frenchy? Oh, I suppose I could make an exception for you, Frenchy... as long as the sex is good. Hmm, I'm gonna get a spanking if my husband reads this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #17 November 10, 2004 QuoteOh, I suppose I could make an exception for you, Frenchy... as long as the sex is good. Yesssssssssssss! QuoteHmm, I'm gonna get a spanking if my husband reads this. Hehehe "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #18 November 10, 2004 I think the first date might be too soon to discuss STDs... you're just getting to know the person. I think it's kinda jumping the gun to assume you're going to be sleeping with them. What if you just go out two or three times, and realize it isn't going to work out? I think if someone has an STD, they definitely need to tell their SO, but the first date probably isn't the right time. course, right when they're falling into bed isn't stellar timing either, but somewhere in the middle would be good. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ashley1885 0 #19 November 10, 2004 It is always better to ask for permission.And it's better to not have secrets in a relationship just be up front. ~ Ashley Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #20 November 10, 2004 As far as a secret goes, if it is not a top government secret that is, you should be upfront. Living a lie and pretending someone you are not is imply a falacy, dream world. Better to live those intense passionate moments when both are open to each other's souls without regrets."According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gordy 0 #21 November 10, 2004 I would say its better to be honest dude.....as that horrible feeling that you might end up getting caught etc is best avoided. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #22 November 10, 2004 well tell us your secret, and we can reply more thoroughly... scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paige 0 #23 November 10, 2004 QuoteBut that's just me. Dishonesty is at the top of my list of things I will not tolerate in a serious relationship. Any man who thought "begging for forgiveness after the fact" was the best option would be kicked out of my life pretty fast. Amen Sista!Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate www.TunnelPinkMafia.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver30960 0 #24 November 10, 2004 Quotedepends on what your "big secret", forgiveness is usually much easier to get than permission... Ah, yes. But consider the ever so slight, but ever so significant difference between what you said and what the title of the thread is. One truly is EASIER. But the other truly is BETTER. Elvisio "like I should talk" Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #25 November 10, 2004 You're right about the STD thing, unless you have know that person for awhile. If it's the first time meeting the person, it might just scare them away, and make them think that you are wanting sex on the first date. But, on the other hand, STD is such a big part of dating now. Kind of scary to think that you have to discuss that issue while datingMay your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
