FallingMarc 0 #51 January 29, 2003 Come on, just ask me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #52 January 29, 2003 Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #53 January 29, 2003 OK, are you a tree? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #54 January 29, 2003 Two mushrooms walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "get out, we don't serve your kind here!" The mushrooms look hurt and say "why not, we're fungi's"--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingMarc 0 #55 January 29, 2003 No. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love that joke. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #56 January 29, 2003 Why did the dalmatian need glasses? He was seeing spots. Damn, I'm starting to run out of jokes...at least ones that aren't racial.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #57 January 29, 2003 In what school do you learn to greet people? In Hi School!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blewaway5 0 #58 January 29, 2003 What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. Truman Sparks for President Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallingILweenie 0 #59 January 29, 2003 what do you call a nun sleepwalking? A Roamin Catholic! what word is always spelled incorrectly? "Incorrectly" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
indyz 1 #60 January 29, 2003 How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #61 January 29, 2003 Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #62 January 29, 2003 Here's a wad of 'em -- 1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger." 2. NASA recently sent a number of Holsteins into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world. 3. 2 boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed and never amounted to much and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils. 4. 2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist, and refused to take Novocain? He wanted to transcend dental medication. 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour, and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. 8. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused. The florist went to them and begged that they shut down. Again they refused. So the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back. Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him ....what? (This is so bad it's good...)--a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #63 January 29, 2003 Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic. He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #64 January 29, 2003 Two guys are sitting in a bar having a few when the one elbows the other. "Hey, do you know that I fucked your mother" The second guy ignores him. The man elbows him again "Hey, did you hear me. I fucked your mother and she liked it...a lot" The second guy keeps his eyes firmly on his beer. The man elbows him a third time "Hey I fucked your mother so hard she screamed for more" The second man sighs, puts down his glass and turns to the first. "Dad, go home, you're drunk" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
suz 0 #65 January 29, 2003 What do you call a Mexican that lost his car? Carlos Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #66 January 29, 2003 So, there's this bar where they don't allow ropes. The first rope walked in and ordered a beer. The bartender asked "Are you a rope?" The rope said that he was. The bartender replied, "Well, I'm sorry. We don't allow ropes in here; you have to leave." The second rope walks into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks, "Are you a rope?" The rope said that he was. The bartender said, "Listen, you ropes can't keep coming in here. You aren't allowed in here." The third rope tied his stomach up and frizzed out the top of his head. The rope walked into the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender asked, "Are you a rope?" The rope replied, "I'm a frayed knot!" Yup...LAME! My good jokes won't carry well over the internet.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JumpCrazy 0 #67 January 29, 2003 a termite walks into a bar and asks: "Is the bartender here?" get it? bar tender? Ha Ha Ha.....ummmmmm how do you get pikachu onto a bus? Pokemon!Flying Hellfish #470 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #68 January 29, 2003 Quote what do you call a nun sleepwalking? A Roamin Catholic! what word is always spelled incorrectly? "Incorrectly" Not if you use one "r". Then it would be spelled incorrectly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #69 January 29, 2003 QuoteDid you hear about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic. He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog. Ya know what DNA stands for? National Association of Dyslexics. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #70 January 29, 2003 Quote A guy is busy going down on a girl he picked up in the bar late at night. As he munches away he sucks out a pea. In his pissed state he spits it out and gets right back to it. A few seconds later he sucks out a bit of brocolli, spits and goes to it. Immediately he gets a mouthful of diced carrots. Looking quite shocked he looks up and asks "What is the matter with you? Are you sick?" "No" she answers "but the guy before you was" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nubain1 0 #71 January 30, 2003 This is not meant to be taken seriously in any way. I had a jewish friend who loved this one.So on that note...... What's the differance between a jew and a pizza???? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jessd 0 #72 January 30, 2003 QuoteThis is not meant to be taken seriously in any way. I had a jewish friend who loved this one.So on that note...... What's the differance between a jew and a pizza???? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. I find that to be extremly offensive. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lolie 0 #73 January 30, 2003 Yeah, I know it had a disclaimer and all, but that seemed wrong to me. (I think I know some people that would, though.) -Miranda you shall above all things be glad and young / For if you're young,whatever life you wear it will become you;and if you are glad / whatever's living will yourself become. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
superdan 0 #74 January 30, 2003 jewish jokes are bad, but the baby jokes are OK?? my father was a weight lifter.... he raised a doumbell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scratch 0 #75 January 30, 2003 OppsIf you look behind you you will see the line you just stepped over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
