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AggieDave

The Bad Jokes thread

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Peace brothers, in my native tongue...English...

(from Cambridge International Dictionary of English)

cabbage
noun
a large round vegetable that is often green and which can be eaten cooked or raw
a savoy cabbage
red/white cabbage
My cabbages (=cabbage plants) didn't grow well this year.
Children never seem to like eating cabbage.

(British taboo) A cabbage is someone who has lost all their powers of thought or speech usually as the result of a serious accident or illness.


"On a Friday evening, Nacmac was fond of going to the pub and getting 'cabbaged'...."

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(British taboo) A cabbage is someone who has lost all their powers of thought or speech usually as the result of a serious accident or illness.



Really? So I'm even more influenced by american english than I knew, the phrase sounded completely alien to me... Oh well, you live and learn. Sorry Phil.:$

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(British taboo) A cabbage is someone who has lost all their powers of thought or speech usually as the result of a serious accident or illness.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Really? So I'm even more influenced by american english than I knew



No, Erno. You're just a cabbage. ;)

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he said "A" blonde...


That's right...I'm "The" blonde! :D

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your so vain, I betcha'ya think this song(joke) is about you.


Oh...disregard my last comment

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Hi putarubia, hows my sweet bumpy brother?


Good and ready for Mardi Gras! I have so many more bad jokes....ask me about my fly one, and I'll tell ya in person!
There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

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A girl used this line on a guy I used to know...I guess it's a pick up line, I consider it a bad joke.

what're the bumps around a woman's nipples?

brail for f*ck me.

S.E.X. party #1

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "f*#k, what a ride".

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Really? So I'm even more influenced by american english than I knew, the phrase sounded completely alien to me... Oh well, you live and learn. Sorry Phil.:$



Don't worry, it's curable.
...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

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Mel Famie was the most famous baseball pitcher in the league, but as he got older, he started to drink a bit. One very hot day, his team was playing in the world series, the score tied, going into the bottom of the 9th inning. The manager decides to put Mel Famie in to get them through the inning and into the 10th.. Mel walks the first batter, and then the second. The manger asks him what he is doing, He replies, just setting up a triple play, so the manager lets him continue. Mel the walks the 3rd batter. Again the manager stops the play and asks Mel to explain.. I will make it dramatic with a triple play at home plate. The manager says ok, and play resumes. Mel throws ball1, ball2, strike 1, ball3, strike 2... Mel then winds up for a mighty fastball, and a beer can falls out of his pocket, startling him, and he throws the ball into the stands.. walking in the winning run.. dejected he walks off the mound. the two opposing players, walking off the field notice the beer can.. One says "what's that?" the other says... are you ready?... the other says " That's the beer that made Mel Famie Walk us!"

ow that hurts..

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For the love of God MAN !!!

ROFLMAO
those are truly gut busters........:P

cat/gas dog/bandsaw


Accelerate hard to get them looking, then slam on the fronts and rollright beside the car, hanging the back wheel at eye level for a few seconds. Guaranteed reaction- Dave Sonsky

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What does an eskimo get after sitting on the ice too long?

-- Polariods!

What's big and green and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

-- A pool table.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

-- A stick.

OK, those are bad, I know, but c'mon, admit it, you chuckled at the polaroids one...
Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!

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Someone once said, you can laugh about something, or you can cry about something.
So....with that in mind, let me be the first to laugh.

Something to NEVER say flying:
Consider yourself HIJACKED!

I heard the weather forecast for saturday.
Scattered showers.

I've heard of raining cats and dogs, but this is a new one:
It's going to rain bits and pieces.

Best way to light a grill?
Re-entry.

What do you get if you put 7 people into space?
7 people in space.

And when you try to bring them back?
Reports will be issued when the debris is gathered.

Laugh or cry.....it's your choice. Just goes to remind us what happens in ÏINHERENTLY DANGEROUS"activities.

offensively gone,
Thomas

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(long but worth it I think)B|

A school bus driver wanted to make a impression to the students on his new route so over the summer he painted the bus with Sesame Street characters. On the first day of school he set out on his route with the first stop at a large cattle ranch. He pops open the door to see two little girls, the first says "My name's Patty" followed by the second saying "That’s my name too." "Well Patty and Patty, get on the bus" he says, and off they went.

At the second stop he opens the door to see a cute little boy who says "My names Ross and my mom says I'm Special". "You are special and that’s why you get this pretty bus" says the drive. Once aboard they start off again. A the third stop driver opens the door to see a strange little boy holding a big block of cheese. The little boy simply says "My names Lester" and plops himself in the front row of seats. As the driver is closing the door he sees Lester kick off one shoe and starts picking at a bunion on his foot. Aside from feeling disgusted the driver realizes that he is now running late and needs to hurry to the next stop.

Having floored the gas pedal the drive, for obvious reasons, gains the attention of the highway patrol how pull him over. The officer charges up the the door yelling at the driver for endangering the children with his reckless driving and demands "Whats going on here". The driver glances in the mirror at the kids, turns to the officer, and calmly explains: Can't you see officer, its 2 all beef Patty's, special Ross, Lester cheese pickin' bunions on a Sesame Bus. {groan}


-------
D.T. Holder
SIMstudy

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two ducks are sitting in a bathtub, one duck says to the other"Hey pass me the gravy", the other duck replies,"what do I look like, a television set?"

"when I die, I want to go like my grandfather while im sleeping, not like the passengers riding in the car with me
Swoopster
A.S.S. #6 Future T.S.S holder

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Two cowboys are riding the fenceline one evening and spot a calf with his head stuck in the fence. The one cowboy jumps off his horse and runs over and replies, "we been out here for 7 days and I have been feeling mighty horny". the cowboy proceeds to have sex with the calf before asking the other cowboy, "hey you want some of this too"? The other cowboy dismounted his horse and said"you betcha". So he runs over and sticks his head in the fence!

"when I die, I want to go like my grandfather while im sleeping, not like the passengers riding in the car with me
Swoopster
A.S.S. #6 Future T.S.S holder

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Whats silver and pink and crawls into walls?

A baby with forks stuck in his eyes:|



Q:what pink and silver and green?

A: the same baby a month later.

-----------------------------

Q: what pink and stripy?

A: a baby on a BBQ

-------------------------------

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Someone once said, you can laugh about something, or you can cry about something.
So....with that in mind, let me be the first to laugh.

Something to NEVER say flying:
Consider yourself HIJACKED!

I heard the weather forecast for saturday.
Scattered showers.

I've heard of raining cats and dogs, but this is a new one:
It's going to rain bits and pieces.

Best way to light a grill?
Re-entry.

What do you get if you put 7 people into space?
7 people in space.

And when you try to bring them back?
Reports will be issued when the debris is gathered.

Laugh or cry.....it's your choice. Just goes to remind us what happens in ÏINHERENTLY DANGEROUS"activities.

offensively gone,
Thomas



what does NASA stand for???


Need Another Seven Astronaughts

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So this horse walks into a bar

The bartender looks up and says, "why the long face?"



So this pony walks into a bar

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The pony says, "I'm a little horse"
Lou
___________________________________
. . . now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb - Dark Helmet

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