The Bad Jokes thread

[Dragontail 0]

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Wingnut, this thread needs the duck joke (Wendy looks around, ducks, and slinks off).

Wendy W.

You seemed so nice at Perris - I had no idea that you had an evil streak like that

[sunshine 2]

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I told your Duck joke a few times this weekend...that's a classic

Oh no....now you're telling it too?

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[AggieDave 6]

I was telling it to everyone on the DZ the week I was back from Eloy! Are you kidding, you can't a good joke like that go without telling it!

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[lawrocket 3]

A ship wrecks at sea, and fours survivors are washed ashore a deserted island. The survivors, a woman and three men, make do with life on the island until, after a couple of months, they all have needs. They agree on rotatig system, wherein each man gets on week, then the next man gets a week, and then the third man gets a week, until back to te first.

The men are satisfied with the situation and the woman has no complaints at all. This goes along fine for about 5 years until one day the woman dies.

The first week was not too bad for the men. The second week started getting bad. The third week was worse still. By tthe fourth week, it was really bad. On the fifth week, it was horrible. By the sixth week, they just couldn't take it anymore.

So they buried her.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[jerry81 10]

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The first week was not too bad for the men. The second week started getting bad. The third week was worse still. By the fourth week, it was really bad. On the fifth week, it was horrible. By the sixth week, they just couldn't take it anymore.

So they buried her.

Yes, but I heard that by the end of the seventh week, they were so disgusted with what they were doing that they dug her up again.

---

[BBKid 0]

A guy goes into a bar, and says "Barman, get me the strongest drink you have on the premises!" The barman gets out the really strong stuff, pours out a shot, and the customer swigs it straight down. He then asks for five more, and necks them too.

The barman says, "you're hitting the stuff pretty hard, is there any special reason?" Customer replies "yes, I just had my first blowjob." Barman then says "Ah, so you're celebrating then?", so the guy replies "No, just trying to get rid of the taste!"

Nick
---------------------------
"I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!"

[bluepill 0]

What do you get if you plant a gun in the garden?
Lots of little shoots.

[SublimeBreeze 0]

This is a bad blonde one... if its already been told ignore me.

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?


She's got a tampon behind her ears and is wondering where her pencil went.

Peace

Sean

Sean
Sean In Thailand

[CrazyThomas 0]

oh, OK. BAD jokes like these:

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in
here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste
funny to you?"

Patient: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home."
Doctor: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
Patient: "Is it common?"
Doctor: "It's not unusual."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
Electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "Why, because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or
maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm
pretty sure it's Colin.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.


later,
Thomas

[McDuck 0]

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You would too with a name arhhrrgghttrhhtrqaalaarrhhh.

Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28
"I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC
Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

[bmoore21184 0]

What did the fish say when it swan into the wall??

DAMN!


Compliments of B Moore

[skydyvr 0]

Q: How do you make love to a fat chick?


A: Start shuffling through the folds of fat. When you smell shit, back up one.

. . =(_8^(1)

[TaeKwonDoDo 0]

My bad one -

Q: What did one frog say to the other?
A: "Time's sure fun when you're havin' flies..."

(booooooo)

OK - so now a better one (I know, this is a bad-jokes thread).

A guy is having problems sustaining his manhood in the correct position long-enough to perform "the deed."

So he goes to the doctor and explains the problem and the doctor replies that there is a new experimental treatment that will cure his problem and add some length... and that the treatment is 99% effective. The treatment consists of implanting 6 elephant nose hairs into the skin of his "Johnson".

So the man has the operation and is told to take it easy for a week...

When the week is up he gets up the nerve to ask this hot-chick from the office out to dinner and she agrees. So they meet at this real fancy restaurant and are seated.

The waiter comes to the table and hands them their menu, asks them what they want to drink and then places a small basket of dinner rolls in the center of the table and goes back to the kitchen.

As soon as the waiter is gone, the guy starts to squirm and gets this real funny look on is face... his Johnson then pops out from under the table, stretches across to the middle of the table, wraps around a dinner roll and then pulls back under the table. He then turns a beat read and puts on a very awkward and uncomfortable face.

He apologizes profusely to his date, to which she responds "WOW! Can you do that again?".

His reply? "I would, but I'm not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass."

(baaahhhdddd)

"That's not flying, it's falling with style."

[base704 0]

What's the difference between a JAP and Jello?

Jello moves when you eat it...

You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.

[turtlespeed 219]

Hey Dave - This will cheer you up.

I know you just went under the knife, but it will be ok - and you will want something to do tomorrow - read through these, and enjoy again -

Cheers bro -

DON'T skimp on the ice packs - it's uncomfortable and cold at first, but it is a big help in the long run.


How do you get a witch pregnant?



















Fuck Her.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun