speedy 0 #1 September 10, 2004 ONCE there was this guy, who had spent his whole life being totally OBSESSED with tractors. He had tractor everything! Wallpaper, bedcovers, tractor carpet, his curtains had tractors on them, tractor books... He knew everything there was too know about tractors! With his 27th birthday rolled around and he treated himself to his usual tractor birthday cake, but as he blew out his candles he stopped and realised he had no friends, and had done nothing with his life. So he decided things had to change. He ran upstairs, ripped down his posters, tore up his carpet, got rid of all his tractor merchandise and headed down to his local pub! Not long after arriving and ordering his first ever pint, a fire broke out, the pub soon became filled with black smoke and people began choking and fighting to escape. The guy stood up from his quiet corner, held out his arms and with one deep breath inhaled all the smoke in the room leaving the air fresh and clear! The people cheered as they picked themselves up from the floor asking "How the hell did you do that? you saved our lives!" The guy said: "I'm an ex-tractor fan!" Dave Fallschirmsport Marl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gremlin 0 #2 September 10, 2004 IVAN - where are you?I'm drunk, you're drunk, lets go back to mine.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lemonjelly 0 #3 September 10, 2004 Quick, someone please ban this guy for a while************************************************* RED LIGHTS & OFF LANDINGS ARE JUST MY THANG http://www.redlightrob.co.uk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #4 September 10, 2004 QuoteIVAN - where are you? I'm IN Florida...causing some havoc __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #5 September 10, 2004 QuoteQuoteIVAN - where are you? I'm Florida...causing some havoc Wow! You're Florida? Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bch7773 0 #6 September 10, 2004 guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, “I’d like some Polish sausage.” The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?” The guy, clearly offended, says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?” The clerk says, “Well, no.” With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well, alright then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?” The clerk replies, “Because this is Home Depot.” MB 3528, RB 1182 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,439 #7 September 10, 2004 Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?" Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
