winsor 236 #26 August 26, 2004 QuoteAnother one from Dean-o: "If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt." "My Grandmother is over 80 and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."--Henny Youngman (1906-1998) "I don't drink water, fish f*ck in it"--Not sure who said it, to lazy to look it up. W. C. Fields Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
winsor 236 #27 August 26, 2004 The four stages of Tequila: 1) I'm rich 2) I'm good looking 3) I'm bulletproof 4) I'm invisible Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #28 August 26, 2004 Quote The four stages of Tequila: 1) I'm rich 2) I'm good looking 3) I'm bulletproof 4) I'm invisible Hey! where's Vinny the Anvil? _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
towerrat 0 #29 August 27, 2004 " Glad I'm driving cuz I sure can't walk" My uncle Edward, shortly before missing a hairpin and putting us into the woods......Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #30 August 27, 2004 "You want me to what?...say the alphabet without singing it? and backwards too? Shit! I can't do that sober, muchless now!" _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Byron03 0 #31 August 27, 2004 No verse can give pleasure for long, nor last, that is written by drinkers of water. -Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus) Give me a woman who truly loves beer, and I will conquer the world. -Kaiser Wilhelm II It is better to think of church in the ale-house than to think of the ale-house in church. -Martin Luther God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation. -Ralph Waldo Emerson The Puritanical nonsense of excluding children and -- therefore -- to some extent women from pubs has turned these places into mere boozing shops instead of the family gathering places that they ought to be. -George Orwell Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. -Henry Lawson If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer -hoot out your nose. -Jack Handy Deep Thought Cheers, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ozthebum 0 #32 August 27, 2004 QuoteIt is better to think of church in the ale-house than to think of the ale-house in church. -Martin Luther An old drunk I knew always used to say "God an' I got a polite understanding, I don't go into his church, and he don't come into my bar" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #33 August 27, 2004 Him - Him - FUCK Him!I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #34 August 27, 2004 Lois: Peter, it's 7:30 in the morning you're going to be late for work... wait, are you drunk? Peter: Nah, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinkin'. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #35 August 27, 2004 Wife - after seeing her husband wretch in the sink after he comes home from the bar - decided to play a little trick. She put pig intestines in the sink just before he walked in the door. As usual - he went to the sink and wretched - looked down and screamed! His wife came running down the stairs smiling from ear to ear, saying "Are you Ok Honey" He said - yeah - I am now - Damnedest thing - I just puked my guts out in the sink just now - made a hell of a mess and OH MY GOD the smell!. But it's ok - I put them all back in.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FallinWoman 1 #36 August 28, 2004 From Rantoul (I don't remember who said it ) "Talk quickly....I am on tequila." ~Anne I'm a Doll!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
base283 0 #37 August 28, 2004 “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more (Proverbs 31:06-07). Kinda says it all (i´m drinking wine) take care, space Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lemonjelly 0 #38 August 28, 2004 I don't have a drinking problem.... I drink, I get drunk, I fall down..... NO PROBLEM!************************************************* RED LIGHTS & OFF LANDINGS ARE JUST MY THANG http://www.redlightrob.co.uk Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BeattheDrums 0 #39 August 28, 2004 From one of my co workers when our boss asked him if he had a drinking problem "Hell yeah I have a drinking problem, The bars close at 2 but I usually run out of money well before that!" A thunder of jets in a clear blue sky, a streak of gray and a cheerful "Hi" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowwhite 0 #40 August 29, 2004 "No baby, I mean it, you are the prettiest thing I have ever seen! And I have eight inches, wanna see?"skydiveTaylorville.org freefallbeth@yahoo.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airsaint 0 #41 August 31, 2004 you might drink to much if: You hate it when your lightweight drinking buddies get so drunk you can barely see them. Your tapeworm joined a 12 Step program. You fall down a well and send Lassie to the liquor store. Your liver enters itself in a Tough Man competition. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Will_I_Am 0 #42 August 31, 2004 "I drank so much wiskey last night I woke up with my liver laying next to me crying." - Rodney Carrington For $20 I'll call the guy a CHICKENFUCKER! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #43 August 31, 2004 One tequila, Two tequila, Three tequila, FLOOR!!!! One I used to use back in college when psych students would come up to me: "Wow, you sure drink alot" "Well, I drink to forget..." "What are you trying to forget?" "I can't remember, HOT DAMN IT WORKED!!!" The more you drink the better I look. Two more and I'm attractive. -Dave Attell To our wives, girlfriends, and mistresses, may they never find about each other. Girl: "I haven't drank that much tequila ever" Me: "I hear my mating call..." Here's to living single, seeing double, and sleeping triple.Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
palstev 2 #44 August 31, 2004 "I'm not an alcoholic, I just prefer to live my life in a liquid medium" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ritchie 0 #45 August 31, 2004 A BEER DRINKER'S TROUBLESHOOTING MANUAL : Floor blurred You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass Find someone to buy you another beer ---------------------------------------------------------- Symptom: Floor moving Fault: You are being carried out. Action: Find out if you are simply being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Symptom: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent light strips! Fault: You have fallen over backwards Action: If your glass is full -- and no one is standing on your drinking arm -- stay put and carry on. If not, get someone to help you up; attach self to bar. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Symptom: Everything has gone dark Fault: The pub is closed Action: Panic!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Symptom: You awaken to find your bed cold, hard and wet; you can not see anything in your bedroom. Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter Action: Check your watch to see if the pubs are open yet; if not, treat yourself to a sleep-in!A favorite....is never a favorite for long! Ovid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
murrays 0 #46 August 31, 2004 I used to have a drinking problem. Now, I love the stuff! -- Murray "No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets." - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
towerrat 0 #47 August 31, 2004 and finally, from the O.G. Original Main Monkey Man himself.......... "I'M WORTHLESS AND WEAK AND MY GOD IS A COCKTAIL!!!!!!" Rantoulio 2003, sometime in the wee hours.Play stupid games, win stupid prizes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blind_Jumper 0 #48 August 31, 2004 It's o'beer thirty... Give me another... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
