Why is it when you're injured, friends seem to disappear?

[Tink1717 2]

The same thing happens when you get sober/quit drinking. I've been sober for 17 years and not a single person I used to party with has ever called me or stopped by or had anything else to do with me. Seems that I didn't have any friends at all.

Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off.
-The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!)
AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717

[Muenkel 0]

Lot's of wisdom here. I still have some really solid friends who are in constant touch with me. Some, who I thought I was very close to disappeared from my life shortly after my accident. I had 2 truly best friends in my life. When I say truly best friends, I'm talking about the kind you can share everything with and your personalities totally jived. The first one I was friends with from age 6. He is the son of very close family friends. We grew up together and did everything together. Unfortunately, when we both went off to seperate colleges, he became a severe alcoholic and drug abuser. He spent time in jail. Last time I ran into him, I couldn't carry on a conversation with him because he didn't make any sense. He was obviously very stoned at the time. It really was impossible to maintain our friendship. The second one had been molested by a priest as a teenager. We stuck close together when he had to bring criminal charges against the priest. Unfortunately, he has never sought counseling to deal with the abuse. We drifted apart. I've learned that he has been unable to keep any friendship for too long. I really tried to help him, but he didn't want the help. I'm sure he was frightened to death. I don't blame either of these two guys. I really was the more fortunate one in both cases.

I admire my mother. Her best friend from age 11 lives in Florida. They are still best friends and talk on the phone atleast once a week. They're both 68 now. Plus they both make it a point to visit eachother a couple times a year. That's true friendship.

Acquaintances, you can have many. But true friends really are hard to find.

Let me make one thing clear. I'm truly not bummin about this. I was in the beginning, but I was distracted because I was so severely injured.

Someone mentioned family. I truly regard my siblings as my best friends. I am very fortunate.

I am just trying to see different perspectives on this topic. Thanks everyone for sharing.

Blue skies everyone and please stay safe,

_________________________________________
Chris

[aprilcat 0]

Hi Chris,

I was at my doc's office today (they have a GREAT library there) and I picked up a book called 'Kitchen Table Wisdom' by Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen. I thumbed through it and settled on one little story about a woman who jogged everyday with a colleague, when she got cancer he dropped off the face of the earth. After she did her treatments, something told her to jog on another side of the park and she found him. She jogged up to him and asked why she hadn't heard ANYTHING from him and he told her he didn't know what to say. She told him it would have been simple to say 'I heard you're having a tough year, how are you feeling?'...I thought of you.

Please look the book up. When I read some parts of it I didn't feel sad or lonely or anything; it just gave me a comfort to know that everyone on the planet feels some sense of loss at one time or the other (there's a GREAT chapter about her father winning the lottery and losing his freedom) and how people articulate and deal with it. I'm definately buying this book.~~April

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[Muenkel 0]

Thanks April,

I will look up the book.

Fortunately for me, I still have my steadfast friends. It's the acquaintances, whom I thought I was closer to that surprised me.

_________________________________________
Chris

[JVig 0]

You live and learn .....and the saying ..if you have one or two REAL friends in a lifetime you are blessed.. is true. Unfortunately, accidents and operations help you learn this the hard way.
Just remember to be there when a real friend of yours need YOU!

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Just remember.....if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

[aprilcat 0]

Just remember to be there when a real friend of yours need YOU!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I like that. I think that is the ONLY thing you can control is how you treat others.~~April

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[Muenkel 0]

Quote

Just remember to be there when a real friend of yours need YOU!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I like that. I think that is the ONLY thing you can control is how you treat others.~~April

Amen! And it's also a good time to make new friends.

_________________________________________
Chris

[aprilcat 0]

There ya go! Thing positively!!~~April

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[captain1 0]

When times are hard you find out who your family and friends are.

[LuvToFly 0]

Here's the deal:

Human beings have an aversion to the injured. It's programmed into our genes.

Except the "injured" in ancient times might have been leprosy, the plaque, etc. The human survival psyche is taxed when facing the reality of another person's infirmity.

Now before folks start jumpin' in talking about how having someone else hurt brings out the best of themselves, causes them to want to care for that person, I believe you. It's true - but it goes against programming.

When people distance themselves from any of you when you are injured, it's very possible that they are very uncomfortable with what's happened to you, and they don't want to face it - at least not for any extended period of time.

It reminds them that there for the grace of God, go I.. Meaning, "this could be me lying there!!" And not everyone is okay with thinking about that - let alone seeing the resulting debilitating effects of the injury.

In some ways, it is about self-preservation. To learn to care about people beyond these feelings and get past them involves a real commitment that some have aptly termed love, and not everyone gets that, or even wants to get that -

So try not to personalize these actions. I don't believe it has to do with you at all - it has more to do with other people's (in)ability to endure your pain, and not be frightened off in the process.

"The helicopter approaches closer than any other to fulfillment
of mankind's ancient dreams of a magic carpet" - Igor Sikorsky

[captain1 0]

That is a plausible response and true in many ways but like I said," You find out who your family is and who your friends are when times are hard." The rest you forgive later.