What is your funniest saying?

[Thanatos340 1]

Commenting on Something well done:
Like a sore D*ck, You just cant beat it!!

Commenting on Being Intoxicated:
F*cked up as a Football Bat.

General Replies:
I may not have a Needle D*ck, but I got a sewing machine ass!!

Worst/Best Pun
Fork You!! I know it wasnt Knife, But someone had to do it Spooner or Later and I wouldnt hesi-Plate to do it again. Now lets Table this matter!!

[TimHurford 0]

Ok, here are some uniquely Australian ones. PM me if you can't work out the context :

I rubbed all the fur off my kelpie
Well bugger me in the blow hole and call me Flipper
All over me like ants at a picnic
Get a dog up ya
'waddayareckon' (what do you reckon?)
Bangs like a dunny door in storm
Even Blind Freddy could see that
Ugly as a box of Blowflies
Couldn't organise a root in a brothel
Funny as a fart in an elevator
Handles like a dog on lino
you must have Kangaroos loose in the top paddock
Feel like a Pork chop in a Jewish Synagogue
Don't come the Raw Prawn
You got the Rough end of the pineapple
Tighter than a fish's bumhole
It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.
Scarce as rocking horse shit.
About as useful as tits on a bull
Busier than a one armed Sydney cab driver with the crabs
Dig a hole and bury me, it just doesn't get better than this
If I wanted to talk to an asshole like you, I would've farted
If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards
He must have 2 dicks...he couldn't be that stupid from pulling one
He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag
Get a woolly dog up ya
Don't piss on my back and tell me it's rainin'
I'm so thirsty I could drink the sweat from a Japanese Sumo wrestler's jockstrap
Hornier than a three balled tomcat
What will you do for a face when the monkey wants it's arse back?
She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times
If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it
Mate, I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick
So low he could parachute out a snake's arse and free-fall

[Lizard 0]

"Thats as effective as Elton John reading a Hustler"

Heard this one years ago... someone ask...

"Gotta flat?"

"Nope, I was driving along and the other 3 just swelled up on me."

[Lizard 0]

I forgot this one....

"gotta flat?"

"Nope, I rotate my tires every 3000 miles no matter where Im at"

[Skymonkey13 0]

"The only reason i take my check to the bank, is because it's too small to go by itself"

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

I forgot this one....

"gotta flat?"

"Nope, I rotate my tires every 3000 miles no matter where Im at"

"It's only flat on the bottom half."

"Car problems?"
"No, I'm stealing flat tires."

[tunaplanet 0]

Winter comes in like a pinky and out like a fist.

Forty-two

[sdgregory 0]

"I see said the blind man to the deaf dumb mute."

"Shit fire and save matches!"


"Slapp my pappy happy!"



This is from a movie and I use it on my son every time he does something really stupid . . .

"Son, when we get home, remind me to slap your momma. 'Cause there's no way that you are the fruit of my loins."

[lowtimer 0]

My dad always used to say "wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one gets full first".

Thanks to him, I have character coming out the wazoo.....

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Successfully avoiding adult responsibility since 1978!

[lowtimer 0]

Oh yeah, when I was a wee private, my squad leader would always say "I wouldn't shit you, you're my favorite turd!"

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Successfully avoiding adult responsibility since 1978!

[lowtimer 0]

Quote

" He's so lucky he could fall into a bucket of dicks and come out sucking his thumb"

Or, "he's so unlucky he could fall in a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb!"

tip your waitress...I'll be here all week

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Successfully avoiding adult responsibility since 1978!

[jverley 1]

What would Jesus do?

He'd be Jewish! He was last time.

John
Arizona Hiking Trails

[WrongWay 0]

Quote

What would Jesus do?

He'd be Jewish! He was last time.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[mardigrasbob 0]

"Well Fuck Me Runnin"

[josheezammit 0]

you are about as dumb as a bag of hammers

Ahh, what a wonderful world.

[TheAnvil 0]

'I'll be the first Catholic member of the Ku Klux Klan before I vote for John Kerry!' - TheAnvil

Oh. I forgot a few. here are some Vinny pejorative-like phrases:

'Someone has jacked off in the garden and grown themselves a blooming idiot!'

'That man has to live in constant pain, because it's got to HURT being that stupid!'

'You've got the worst case of cranial-rectal inversion I've ever seen!'

'Your baby crib was painted with lead paint, wasn't it?'

'I am thoroughly impressed with your lack of knowledge on this subject.'

Vinny the Anvil

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[weegegirl 2]

Hoobeediedie.

It's not mine, it's my 5 year old nephew Kai's. But he made it up last night and had the whole family walking around chanting it and laughing until we nearly wet ourselves. Kids rock!

[SpeedRacer 1]

My grandfather had some good ones:

(re.: someone who is stupid): He couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the directions written on the heel!

I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest!


and...

Don't let the door hit ya
Where the Good Lord split ya!

Speed Racer
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[SpeedRacer 1]

One from George Carlin:

"I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick!"


Holy Shi-ite Moslem!

Speed Racer
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[turtlespeed 219]

Damn - I wouldn't fuck her with your dick and him pumpin'

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Bigwallmaster 0]

"I'd drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it came from!!

~Some comedian on HBO a couple years back~

[aprilcat 0]

This is from a movie and I use it on my son every time he does something really stupid . . .

"Son, when we get home, remind me to slap your momma. 'Cause there's no way that you are the fruit of my loins."

[sdgregory 0]

Yep

That is about the only funny part of the whole movie.

[yeehaa 0]

surprised - "well fuck me slowly with a chainsaw"

atractive women - "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting" OR "Alright" (said like quagmire from family guy)

ugly women - "she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down" (not very original I know)

stupidity - "geeze there is noone behind the wheel of your brain bus, is there"

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw

[shropshire 0]

Heard somewhere.......

" if I wanted to be surounded by twats..... I'd have become a gynacologist!"

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome