Man vs. Woman Shower

[sdctlc 0]

Thought it was funny since its so true!! Did a quick search and did not find it. If somebody calls it a repost then what the hell, its still funny.

How to Shower Like a Woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way,cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
11. Shave armpits and legs
12. Turn off shower
13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face
6. Wash your armpits
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
13. Pee.
14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
19. Throw wet towel on floor

"He who Hesitates Shall Inherit the Earth!"

[Cajundude 0]

Oh shit, no matter how many times I read this I still laugh my ass off.

[kelel01 1]

I'm not nearly as clean as the woman described there, but other things (like covering up) definitely apply. But the guys' description was freakin' hysterical!

Kelly

[damion75 0]

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Oh shit, no matter how many times I read this I still laugh my ass off.

Second that emotion!

***************

Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

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2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

OMG!!!!! -That's a universal guy thing?? I thought my hubby was just a perv!!!!! He usually says "Hey, baby!" first to make sure I'm paying attention...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[vdschoor 0]

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2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

OMG!!!!! -That's a universal guy thing?? I thought my hubby was just a perv!!!!! He usually says "Hey, baby!" first to make sure I'm paying attention...

It all comes with the "When in doubt, whip it out" kinda thinking that us guys do..

[kelel01 1]

You know . . . stuff like that makes me never want to get married. I'm just not that comfortable with nudity, mine or anybody else's. Boys need to learn to behave and be ashamed of their bodies like most women are.

Kelly

[headoverheels 333]

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You know . . . stuff like that makes me never want to get married. I'm just not that comfortable with nudity, mine or anybody else's. Boys need to learn to behave and be ashamed of their bodies like most women are.

Kelly

I only have one thing to say to that:


'woo-woo'

[ACMESkydiver 0]

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Laurel 0]

"13. Pee."

In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[FLYBERT71 0]

why not. it gets washed down the drain anyway.

"If you have time to panic, you have time to do something more productive."
Josh Whipple 7/15/70-2/10/05

[pop 0]

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"13. Pee."

In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

No we dont!! hehe

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[Viking 0]

if your good at it you can usually get it right down the drain without it splashing every.

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[Laurel 0]

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"13. Pee."

In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

No we dont!! hehe

Holy schniekeys. I guess I learned something new today. And it was icky. You guys realize that the potty is probably one-two steps away - right?

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[gmanpilot 0]

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In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

Women do it more than men, I read it in a book called The Day America Told The Truth. Bunch of weird stuff in that book. Did you know that women fantasize about their friends husbands/bf more often than men do their friends wife/gf? Tis true.

_________________________________________
-There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.

[Laurel 0]

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In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

Women do it more than men, I read it in a book called The Day America Told The Truth. Bunch of weird stuff in that book. Did you know that women fantasize about their friends husbands/bf more often than men do their friends wife/gf? Tis true.

I obviously wasn't part of their test group because I can honestly say that I don't.

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[slug 1]

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"13. Pee."

In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

No we dont!! hehe

Holy schniekeys. I guess I learned something new today. And it was icky. You guys realize that the potty is probably one-two steps away - right?

Hi Laurel

Only "real" men can pee that far! So I've been told

Trust me We guy's wouldn't pee in the shower or do any of those other nasty things we promise women we wouldn't do.

R.I.P.

[aprilcat 0]

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In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

Women do it more than men, I read it in a book called The Day America Told The Truth. Bunch of weird stuff in that book. Did you know that women fantasize about their friends husbands/bf more often than men do their friends wife/gf? Tis true.

I obviously wasn't part of their test group because I can honestly say that I don't.

I wasn't part of that either. Thats pretty gross.
Laurel, I've heard SO many guys jokes about having to pee 'but don't worry, I move the dishes first'..UGH
But the 'whoo hoo' thing is pretty funny!!!~~April

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[Ian84 0]

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"13. Pee."

In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

Why not?? It's a pee country

[Laurel 0]

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"13. Pee."

In the shower? Get out. Do men really do that?

Why not?? It's a pee country

Oh good Lord. How long did it take you to come up with that pun?

.....................................................................
PMS#28, Pelogrande Rodriguez#1074
My Pink M

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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Thought it was funny since its so true!!

OMFG....LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! This is soooooooooo true. I can hardly type, I'm laughing sooooo hard. It's like someone was taking notes when I was in the shower...

The only difference with that and my routine is that I tend to wash my entire body first with yummy, smelly bath gels, then shave everything everywhere off (except my head hair), then wash (yes, TWO times with two different shampoos...lmfao!!!) & condition my hair last.

Also, I use about FOUR different towels the size of small countries. I towel off with one or two towels...one for feet and lower body and an even nicer one for my face & upper...(my mother taught me to do this). One other towel is used on my hair. I wrap my hair in another towel, and I wrap my body in a long, fluffy robe, not a dressing gown (my mother does that, though...lmao).

I also cover ALL exposed areas, unless I'm alone. Ironically, if I'm alone, I like to prance (yes, prance) around nude and when I stop in front of the full-length mirror, I inspect my whole body (especially my breasts and my bum...& fricken thighs) for any/all imperfections of the day.

All those smelly, gels/scrubs/conditioners used on the face, body and hair is totally correct for my shower/bath experience. I LOVE all that stuff...and I think that every woman has used at one point or uses an apricot facial scrub on their face.

I'll admit that I DO have a squeegee in my shower, but I think that I got the idea from my brother and his wife...

I do all those things because it's my preference, brings me joy and makes me feel beautiful. Of course, it's not mandatory on a weekend spent at the DZ. If I am staying at the DZ, I make do with one small, old towel and whatever's available (usually nothing special) for body/face/hair...I'm not a TOTAL priss! Well...

[tracker 0]

LMAO!!!!

That's the best thing I've read in a while. Repost or not, I think that's worth sharing again and again. Whew... great laugh... thanks!!

[gmanpilot 0]

Holy crap Rosa, you are one high maintenance vanilla bean.

_________________________________________
-There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.

[CrazyIvan 0]

Vanilla.....you just made me kill a kitten

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[CrazyRock 0]

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You know . . . stuff like that makes me never want to get married. I'm just not that comfortable with nudity, mine or anybody else's. Boys need to learn to behave and be ashamed of their bodies like most women are.

Kelly

Please tell me you're joking... why be ashamed?? i would agree that it not nessecary to always be trying to flaunt, but ashamed is just bad.

-Seth :)