The Guys' Rules

[TimHurford 0]

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We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ... ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or V8 cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[ChrisL 2]

a repost but cool nonetheless.
Dont let Ivan catch you...

__

My mighty steed

[aprilcat 0]

I have a problem with rule #1~~~~April

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[TimHurford 0]

bugger!

[chachi 0]

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I have a problem with rule #1~~~~April

How so? Your arm works less than ours? I actually usually put both seats down, but if I don't ..... to bad.

~Chachi

[pyke 0]

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1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

We don't understand how bad it hurts to cramp, yet we "deal" with it...turnabout is fair play!!

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1. Crying is blackmail.

and ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED in the first 6 months...ABSOLUTELY!!!

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1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Hints are for the holidays...if you want it - say it. We do!! {whine}I want sex....!{/whine}

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1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

Amen!!

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1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

They must teach this one in that part of sex ed class when they seperate us to different classrooms. I HATE this!!! There are two ways to do EVERYTHING - our way, and YOUR way...if you want it 'Burger King'-style...THEN DO IT YOURSELF, and be fine with it!!!

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1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Again, AMEN!!

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1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.

Not true...'absolutely anything you wear over your thong is fine!!

These were good....and mostly true. Too bad women still have our numbers...but for all our posturing...we still have the last words...


Yes, Dear!!

Kahurangi e Mahearangi,
Kiwi, RB #926, AFF-I, FAA Snr. Rigger, RN/BSN/Paramedic

[skycat 0]

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My responces from a few years ago when this 1st was on here.

***

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ... ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Put both lids down please the dog really doesn't need the extra water bowl.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Sunday's are for Skydiving

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Let us think shopping is a sport and we will let you keep thinking beer drinking is a sport

1. Crying is blackmail.

Yeah I know....And it works so well *evilgrin*

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Fair enough, I don't like having to say things more than once anyway.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

NO

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

And this is why she comes over ever few days.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Or just dump the cause of said headache

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

That one goes both ways

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

When I dress like a Victoria's Secret girl you better not roll over and go to sleep

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

I know I'm not fat

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You know that won't happen in a million years

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

As long as you do it I don't care

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

OK, but don't change the channel every 30 seconds or I'm hiding the remote.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

It's ok, that is why I bought the GPS

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Don't worry....I know that, and that is why I dress you when we go anywhere but the DZ

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Just don't do it in front of Mom, she is a deadly wooden spoon thrower.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Don't worry I have absolutely no problem telling you what you did wrong

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Fair enough

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine ... Really.

I know I'm just checking if what I picked out makes you drool or not.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or V8 cars.

Don't worry, I'm just making sure you aren't thinking about some other women

1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.

Stay out of my closet and I won't thow away that T-shirt you still have from High School.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

And that is why you are in the base.



Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Fly it like you stole it!