213 things this soldier IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO

[DiverDiver 0]

213 things a Specialist in the US ARMY has been specifically told by his chain of command he is not allowed to do.

http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html

Great stuff.
I love all of them
#46 I am not authorized to fire officers
#63 Command decisions do not need to be ratified by 2/3 majority


Post yoru favorites and enjoy!!

[turtlespeed 219]

Quote

213 things a Specialist in the US ARMY has been specifically told by his chain of command he is not allowed to do.

http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html

Great stuff.
I love all of them
#46 I am not authorized to fire officers
#63 Command decisions do not need to be ratified by 2/3 majority


Post yoru favorites and enjoy!!

#65 There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

LIAR!!!

YES THERE ARE!

LIAR!!!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Tailgate 0]

20. Must not taunt the French any more.

Now thats just not fair!!

_________________________________________________
Let me live in my house by the side of the road and be a friend to man- Sam Walter Foss

[turtlespeed 219]

72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.

Was this guy a dotcommer?

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

He knows Clay!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[FallingILweenie 0]

I like 142: "Calvin-Ball" is not authorized PT

[Nightingale 0]

#55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.

#62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

#73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad'.

#74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.

#77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

#87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

#145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

#146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

and

#152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.

[Ron 10]

Im only at 100 and that is the funniest shit I have read in a LONG time.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[Gawain 0]

29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

40. I do not have super-powers.

54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection. *Clay!*

100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

...they're all funny...I wonder how "real" this progression was..

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[Gawain 0]

*****LMAO****
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[n2skdvn 0]

35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')

if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN
my site

[Clownburner 0]

My favorites:


#129. The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.

#167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
#168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
#169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'

7CP#1 | BTR#2 | Payaso en fuego Rodriguez
"I want hot chicks in my boobies!"- McBeth

[Dougiefresh 0]

Reminds me of Corporal Klinger a bit....

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --Douglas Adams

[Unstable 9]

#33: Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

#34: (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

=========Shaun ==========

[tcnelson 1]

i must not mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

"Don't talk to me like that assface...I don't work for you yet." - Fletch
NBFT, Deseoso Rodriguez RB#1329

[AggieDave 6]

That was some funny funny shit.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[selbbub78 0]

This is absolutly a great list.

Some of my favorites:

Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable

I do like the Calvin Ball one too, a lot of them are great! Awesome list.

blue skies,

"Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone
"The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote)
"The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM

[aggie04 0]

207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A life without a cause
is a life without an effect

[indyz 1]

52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.

Go Joe!

82. May not form any press gangs.

I think this is hilarious, but how many people these days even know what a press gang is?

[yoink 321]

118: Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

148: Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

106: I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s. BWAHAHHHAAAHAA!