2 Dates...

[lifewithoutanet 0]

I'm not in the habit of asking strangers (okay, not all of you are) for advice about my love-life, but what the hell, I haven't come to a conclusion on this myself, so I'll see what the rest of you have to say...

After a pretty devastating and sudden break-up (if you could even call it that) a little over a month ago, I've started dating again. Just a couple of dates here and there with women I've met in SoCal. The difference now--being that when I've dated in the past it was normally women I'd gotten to know for a little while, friends of friends, etc.--is that I'm still relatively new to the area, so any woman I meet and go out on a date with, well, I know virtually nothing about her.

Friday night, had a nice date: sushi followed by coffee and walking around Manhattan Beach. We enjoyed each-other's company, had pretty good conversation and a generally good time. Nothing spectacular, but...nice. We both said we want to see each-other again. Oh, she has done a tandem and would love to go again, then possibly more.

Last night, had another date with another woman. Dinner, dessert, then we just sat down outside and talked for a long time. We asked a lot of get-to-know-each-other type questions; past relationships and dating, where we grew up, our families, what we like to do. Like Friday night, also good and relaxing conversation, but a bit deep for a first date. I'm definitely attracted to her, but, well...I'm having a hard time figuring out why. The rest of this is going to sound nit-picky to some extent, I'm sure, but here goes:
She hates the cold. I not only love to ski, but paradise for me is in the mountains in Colorado.
She loves to shop. I'm a guy.
She finds the whole skydiving thing "amazing", but could never do it. "No way."
She's blindingly liberal. I consider myself a moderate with a few liberal opinions and a few conservative ones. My use of the word "blindingly" to describe her stance on issues is obviously just my opinion, but still, it seems to be more based on party-affiliation than thought. Also, she harbors (admittedly) a lot of "liberal guilt". Again, that's just my opinion.
We'd barely made it through dinner and she'd already invited me to a get-together at her house later this week. (Nothing big, but more on my analysis of this later.)
The vibe I was getting was that she's already very into me and we barely know each-other. I'd like to take things a bit slowly given the way my most recent relationship went. I'm not feeling broken, battered or scared shitless by it, but naturally, I don't want to go repeating the past.

So, the thing is, I find myself more attracted to the one from last night, but given that I want to take it a bit more casually, I feel like I should be more interested in seeing the girl from Friday night again. They're both attractive women, so it's not like one is more attractive than the other. I think I know why I feel more attracted to the one from last night...her excitement is something to feed off of. She's already told me repeatedly how glad she is we met. As for the invite to her house this week, I'm not expecting she's going to try to harvest my kidneys or something, but it just feels rushed and a little unsettling. At the same time, maybe it feels good to be desired again, like I felt in the not-so-distant past. Still, it's exactly this sort of thing that I'm thinking I should avoid that I believe is what makes me so much more attracted to her than Friday night girl. Forgive me for the list above, but the summary to that is I feel like ultimately I have very little in common with her: she doesn't ski, skydive, climb, nor have any interest in any of those activities. Not that she absolutely has to do everything I like to, it's just that most of those activities involve a fair bit of commitment; it's not like going to the movies or to a show...they consume your entire day, if not multiple days.

I'm not the type of guy to go dating a few girls at a time. It's time-consuming and expensive. Also, it seems already (to me, at least) that the girl from last night probably wouldn't feel too good if she knew that I was going out on dates with someone else. Maybe that, given how long we've known each-other, is what I need to base my decision on.

Sorry about the length. Believe it or not, as long as this one is, it's still not my complete thoughts. But at this time, if anyone has any thoughts on the matter, I'm all ears.
-C.

[flyangel2 2]

Quote

Also, it seems already (to me, at least) that the girl from last night probably wouldn't feel too good if she knew that I was going out on dates with someone else. Maybe that, given how long we've known each-other, is what I need to base my decision on.

You have answered your guestion already.

I say take it slow, you haven't been single that long.

Quote

I'm not the type of guy to go dating a few girls at a time. It's time-consuming and expensive.

If you feel that way, you are dating the wrong gals.
Dating doesn't have to be expensive. Pack a light dinner and have it on the beach. Go out for a day of hiking or riding some bike trails. Not every women wants to be wined and dined at a fancy restaurant.

Edit for typo.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[DrunkMonkey 0]

Pick:
-The one you nail first.
-The one with the biggest boobs.
-The one with the lower self esteem (easily manipulated).
-The one who can suck-start a Harley.


[/soo going to hell]

Edit: Joke!

[weegegirl 2]

My advice? Slow down. It seams you aren't really ready for commitment. Girl A seams like she just wants to go out and have fun... see her again. Girl B seams as if she's ready to snatch you up right away. It wouldn't be all that fair to get involved with her knowing that you aren't ready for another "relationship."

With that said, I totally agree with Mary... dating should never cost money and such. And if they can't deal with your time commitments to your hobbies, then they aren't right for you.

Here's a better idea... drop Girl A and Girl B... go to the dropzone... and get on a load.

[lifewithoutanet 0]

Quote

If you feel that way, you are dating the wrong gals.
Dating doesn't have to be expensive. Pack a light dinner and have it on the beach. Go out for a day of hiking or riding some bike trails. Not ever women wants to be wined and dined at a fancy restaurant.

Agreed...the "" after my statement was supposed to show humor...I was only kidding about that, as if the volume of dates was expensive and time consuming. Just shows how humor doesn't always make itself apparent in this medium.

-C.

[freeflybella 0]

Quote

say take it slow, you haven't been single that long.

That's my vote.

How can you choose between 2 women you've only dated once? Are you that good a judge of character? Why risk making the wrong choice. Maybe they're both the wrong choice.
But give them and let them give you the opportunity to get to know each other.

Be upfront if asked, that you casually see other people. You're not going to 'lose' a good girl because you take it slow. Often, it's the other way around. If someone wants a commitment right away, you have to ask yourself why. Plus, casual dating makes the move to exclusivity mean more when it eventually happens.

Action expresses priority. - Mahatma Ghandi

[chopchop 0]

I think you should slow down a little and play the field more.. Why pick just one for now when you have just seen each of them once? Have you dscussed oral technique? let them show you their skills? What about other women? If you aren't head over heels with either of them, keep dating.. them and others.. and make sure you test out their skills in the sack before you settle down again..

chopchop
gotta go... Plaything needs a spanking..

Lotsa Pictures

[Vertifly 0]

Quote

Here's a better idea... drop Girl A and Girl B... go to the dropzone... and get on a load.

This is my current philosophy. Except with an ad lib on the end of your statement, Weegegirl:

"..., get on a load, and just enjoy your F*@#IN life before it passes you by."

Now I just have to install that revolving door (ok, that is a joke...no really it is...really really really).

[lifewithoutanet 0]

Good points all around. I think what's causing so much over-analysis and thought on this is the date from last night and that with the way she's talking, I'm worried about leading her on. I am ready to "date", but weegegirl is right, I'm not so eager for the "instant relationship, just add one date".
I think also this all has something to do with what amounts to just about zero social life during the week. Wake up, gym, work, dog-park, home...wash, rinse repeat until I get to jump all weekend.

And hey, DrunkMonkey, you are going to hell for that. Always good to meet another fellow inmate.

-C.

[RoysPlayThing 0]

Quote

I think you should slow down a little and play the field more.. Why pick just one for now when you have just seen each of them once? Have you dscussed oral technique? let them show you their skills? What about other women? If you aren't head over heels with either of them, keep dating.. them and others.. and make sure you test out their skills in the sack before you settle down again..

Yeah, I agree .... Give it at least two years testing....They sometimes can fool you.

_______________________________________________
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

[skymama 37]

I think you should accept the invitation to the girl's house next week but be honest with her. Tell her you're dating other women. Tell her you're a little gun-shy about stepping into something exclusive so quickly after your last relationship. But, also tell her that you really like her enthusiasm and want to get to know her better. Then, put the ball in her court and ask her if she is comfortable with those stipulations right now. If she says no, then wish her well and just chalk it up to you two looking for different things right now. Often the hardest thing is to find someone who is in the same place in life as you are.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Darius11 12]

I am with Skymama.

Be honest telling them exactly how you feel. Don’t leave any thing out. No one can get mad at you when right from the start you tell them how you feel.

I also don’t think that in one date you can determine what they want out of you. Just don’t assume that there looking for a relationship. Maybe they just want to have fun or hang out.

If you do see that they both want a relationship and you have to choose think about every thing. How important is Skydiving too you. I only have 7 jumps but I am at the drop zone every weekend that I can be. would a non skydiver understand that?

I posted a thread once a wile back asking how important it is for your SO to be a skydiver. There was a lot of different answer but I like what Phreezone said.
He said that you will never be happy with a non skydiver. I think that depends a lot on how obsessive you are about this sport. For me it is taking over my life

Just my .02 bro good luck

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[lifewithoutanet 0]

Quote

I also don’t think that in one date you can determine what they want out of you. Just don’t assume that there looking for a relationship.

Agree with you there. I think what's caught me off guard is the speed at which the one from last night brings things up compared to how fast *I* would have brought them up. So, yes, it could just as easily be me who's confusing things.

Quote

If you do see that they both want a relationship and you have to choose think about every thing. How important is Skydiving too you. I only have 7 jumps but I am at the drop zone every weekend that I can be. would a non skydiver understand that?

Man, I'm with you there. That's another thing I'm doing a lot of thinking about. I think there's been one weekend (when I've been in town) that I've missed since moving out here. How will they put up with it if they're not into it? It's analogous to the guys (or girls) who play golf every weekend and how their SOs get upset when they take their clubs with them on every vacation. I don't know that I can be with a whuffo, but when I'm at the DZ I don't find myself hitting on the ladies (and they're probably thankful for that).

Quote

I posted a thread once a wile back asking how important it is for your SO to be a skydiver. There was a lot of different answer but I like what Phreezone said.
He said that you will never be happy with a non skydiver. I think that depends a lot on how obsessive you are about this sport. For me it is taking over my life

I remember that thread. That's a good one for me to go back and read.

So, while I'll admit it seems like I'm putting way too much thought into all this it's been a fun exercise to see what other people think. I normally don't talk about this stuff this much. Glad I chose to this time.

-C.

[Vertifly 0]

Quote

I think what's causing so much over-analysis and thought on this is the date from last night and that with the way she's talking, I'm worried about leading her on. I am ready to "date", but weegegirl is right, I'm not so eager for the "instant relationship, just add one date".

From experience, it isn't good to go from a relationship where you REALLY care about someone, to a break up, then to another relationship again.

I dated the same person for 9 years until 2001. Learning how to date again was an terrible process to say the least. Time clarified that meeting people is more interesting when you are simply going about your life and enjoying the things that you love. Go work out, study something, start a hobbie, travel, and do things that will help you gain personal strength and enjoyment. But, for crying out loud, don't LET things get monotanous. If it seems that way to you, perhaps you need to add some passions to your roster.

Shots in the dark may work once in a while. That is - dating people you meet through a friend of a friend (or whatever). But the a great way to surround yourself with people you find interesting is to do the things that you find interesting. And this is also a great way to be interesting to others as well.

After my 9-year nightmare I met someone right away who was great. Pretty, responsible, smart, great family, etc. Unfortunately, it was a quick turn around and there were too many things missing (particularly, my own strength) for me to enjoy someone elses company. She pushed very hard for me to be in a relationship with her. Socially speaking, we were just in different stages of life.

It's like a wonderful friend told me once, "Learn to love your own life and other people will simply want to tag along." I know that I am much more attracted to women who have an agenda of their own. Why shouldn't it be the other way around?

But, for crying out loud -> Be careful out there, it's a freakin jungle of fruit cakes.

[VectorBoy 0]

You are thinking too much, just go and have fun and be safe.

[clrarch 0]

Everyone is different in their time frame for being comfortable with getting involved with someone new, especially after the break-up of a serious relationship. I dated someone recently for four months and took it very, very slow in the beginning because he was pretty recent off a two-year relationship. At first he seemed to really miss having a girlfriend, so he treated me as such pretty quickly. We'd been seeing each other about three/four weeks when I talked to him about his readiness to be involved with someone new---not because I wanted to dive into a relationship, but because I wanted to be dating someone who was at least open-minded and has his "bags checked" (so to speak). My rule: You're allowed two carry-ons, every thing else must be checked

Anyway, long story short....he said he was ready, we continued on for four months, I started to fall, and then he got very confused because he hadn't resolved his feelings for his ex. We were in the midst of dealing with that when I was accepted to school in California. Ultimately, we broke up (still friends), but I guess my advice is just make sure you're ready. I think you're questioning all of these things about these dates to a certain extent because your mind-set is still in "girlfriend" mode. May be better to take some time to yourself so that when you do decide to start dating again you know you can do it from a calm, open-minded perspective. Just my two cents

• Quote