cecily 0 #26 October 30, 2003 You have to move on. My last guy made it clear that the sky was his first love and that I was always second. Now I have a guy who puts me first above all else. You just have to be on the same page no matter what and agree on certain things. If one isn't willing to give in they never will be you can't change someone if they don't want to be changed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyD 0 #27 October 30, 2003 GET A GRIP PEOPLE! Jeez. This is a girl with a whopping five jumps. It is currently snowing where she lives and you are telling her to dump her so. You have got to be kidding me. I am seriously disappointed and a little disturbed by the resposes in this thread. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildblue 7 #28 October 30, 2003 QuoteI am seriously disappointed and a little disturbed by the resposes in this thread. Only this thread? You can usually tell how long someone's been in the sport by their responses to threads like these. Phree put it pretty well... QuoteAnother thing to think about is eventually most people take breaks from jumping for one reason or another. Do you really want to be sitting there after taking a break and look back and realize you gave up things to have nothing in the end? Not only do most people take breaks, but a lot of people quit altogether! Right about that 3 year mark, a lot of people get bored, burnt out, broke, whatever and quit jumping. Now your perfect jumper/jumper relationship has turned into a wuffo/jumper relationship! it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #29 October 30, 2003 I started jumping in 01' had a non-jumper gf. I still have her. She was very supportive about my love of the sky. Cept for the bitching about being at the DZ ever single weekend. Which she didn't have to come with every weekend either. Something about trusting me but not the skyhawties who were always around. Anyways.. I'm not jumping anymore. I've sold my gear and completely given the sport up for now. This was my own desicion. My whuffo GF had no say in it at all.. Even though I think she's a bit happier we're not at the DZ all the time. Not to say I wont go back and jump again. At least 3 times a week my stomach jumps and my eyes stare into the clouds longing to enjoy the freedom and grace I shared there... I guess what I'm getting at is I'm still with my whuffo gf.. I'm not always happy, but hey that's a relationship. I'm sure shes less happy with me more then I am with her :P Give him a chance and explain the sport. Maybe with some info he might start to understand why you love flinging your body from a moving vehicle at 14k feet :) "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CanuckInUSA 0 #30 October 30, 2003 Hi Kalyne Skydiving is NOT a sport, it's a lifestyle. If your current main is not working for you, then you must cut it away and go for your reserve. I'd like to say a few words of wisdom here, but I'm not the sharpest pencil in the box when it comes to relationships. By the way, I'm sure I've seen you at the DZ. But if you start hanging out more, don't be afraid to introduce yourself. I'll be the one waundering around with his head chopped off wondering what I'll do on my next jump. Try not to worry about the things you have no control over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #31 October 30, 2003 I'm in the "holding pattern" and will wait and see if this plays out on it's own and deal with it. Thanks for your feedback. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #32 October 30, 2003 Ya know..you're probably right that it'll just take some time. I wish however that we enjoyed living our lives the same and doing things together. It's a disconnect for me. I don't get defensive. I just smile and remind him that skydiving makes me happy and then I head off to the DZ for the day while he's sitting in a bar watching 8 football games simultaneously. We choose to spend out days differently. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #33 October 30, 2003 I tried to get him to tandem 2 weekends ago and he chickened out at the last minute and decided not to come to the DZ with me. So I went out on my own. 2 years ago, for my birthday, I went up in a glider and it was awesome! He was on the ground watching and went we cut away from the tow plane, he was a nervous wreck and bit all of his nails off! This too shall pass.. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydivejersey 0 #34 October 30, 2003 Best of luck... its a hard emotional battle! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #35 October 30, 2003 Yea, his fear is that he understands the safety aspects (sort of) and the Plan B of the reserve and Cypres, but, he said "what if those fail, then what?" I told him I bought the supplemental insurance. Didn't go over well..his response was "oh GREAT! like that's supposed to make me feel better.." _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Push 0 #36 October 30, 2003 How long have you been together? If all it takes to destroy a serious relationship is him not understanding something... -- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #37 October 30, 2003 Good point...relationships in general are just difficult and take a lot of work. Circle of awareness... _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydivejersey 0 #38 October 30, 2003 Soundlike he just cares. Perhaps you can introduce his to one of your instructors. I found that always worked quite well with nervous tandem passengers when the TM says to them "I do this for a living, why would I do it for a living if I thought I was going to die" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #39 October 30, 2003 Good point..I'm just being selfish and self centered these days _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #40 October 30, 2003 Dated 6 yrs..just had 2nd anniversary last week. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bendywendy 0 #41 October 30, 2003 I have to agree with you on that one. She's in the "WOW" stage and it's hard for anyone to compete with that. My husband (ex-husband) is the one who dragged me skydiving for the first time much against my will. I instantly fell in love with it and he thought it was just ok. It certainly didn't help our relationship but it wasn't the only factor nor even the main factor in our split. It just made it a much easier transition for me. Relationships are not easy but I would have thought everyone realized that. Are you just looking for public approval and moral support to dump your SO? Is it that he isn't supportive or have you started to treat him differently because he's lost his 'cool' factor since he isn't jumping. You're on a dz and you're a girl, that alone means you are getting lots of attention (and probably about 5 or 6 out of 10 times means you've got some sort of infatuation with your AFF instructors or some other skydiver on the dz) - the whuffo boyfriend at home suddenly doesn't seem so appealing anymore - you start to treat him differently, he starts to hate your going to the dz and skydiving and feels threatened by it. Eventually, he'll come out with the skydive or me choice unless he's really smart and realizes that even if you wanted to choose him you couldn't when he puts it that way. So if you're asking for advice - why are you with him? why were you with him? what has changed other than skydiving? if it's just skydiving you can work it out. if it's more than that then figure it out and make a choice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kramer 0 #42 October 30, 2003 Divorce You may think I'm just being an asshole, and maybe I am, but ask yourself "which would I rather do? Stay home, or go to the DZ". If you answer "go to the DZ", then...why stay married? I'm just a kid though, so don't take my advice too far. (Oh, if you have kids, ignore everything I've said). -Kramer The FAKE KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyD 0 #43 October 30, 2003 QuoteI have to agree with you on that one. She's in the "WOW" stage and it's hard for anyone to compete with that. So true. Bill Von made an excellent post about this once. Maybe it will appear as if by magic....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Push 0 #44 October 30, 2003 We've all been where you are in terms of the excitement of this great new discovery in our lives. However, you were yourself before you started skydiving and you are still yourself. There's probably a very good reason why you're together, and skydiving does not change that reason. It's a problem, but all relationships have problems. He's not frothing at the mouth, threatening divorce and stalking your JMs, he's just worried. Frankly, there would be something wrong if he wasn't worried. Sounds like a normal healthy relationship to me. -- Toggle Whippin' Yahoo Skydiving is easy. All you have to do is relax while plummetting at 120 mph from 10,000' with nothing but some nylon and webbing to save you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #45 October 30, 2003 In a healthy relationship, people have the freedom to be who they are and do what makes them happy. I have dated many guys who have had serious issues with me doing martial arts. First they're afraid for me... then, once they see me fight, they're a little insecure... and usually at some point have an issue with the physical contact that takes place in a karate studio (can't seem to grasp the difference between HITTING someone and HITTING ON someone! LOL). They then do everything in their power to keep me out of the studio. And that's when I pull the little red handle (no silver... I usually don't jump right out of one relationship into another) Because if someone doesn't want to give me the freedom to be who I am and take whatever risks I find accpetable, then they're not the right person for me. There's a difference between someone saying "Skydiving isn't my thing, but I recognize that you love it, so I'll stay here and watch football with my buddies, and we'll catch a movie when you get home" and "Please don't go skydiving... I WORRY!!!!!" The first example is a partner being understanding... the second example is a partner trying to control you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #46 October 30, 2003 Good insight.. I sell a drug for multiple sclerosis and a few months back I had a patient program and realized that that could be me one day. I'm sure they all had dreams, goals, and challenges on their "to do" list and the day the neurologist broke the news to them that they have a lifelong disease which currently has no cure, all of those things on their "to do" list changed. I have an awesome to do list and most are extreme sports. I've had the list since high school (long time!) and realize that it's time to Live my Life and not sit back and let it pass me by. So, while I'm physically able, I've decided to attack my list "full throttle". But that's my personality also. I set my mind to something and go after it 200%. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #47 October 30, 2003 Thank God, no kids! That would add a lot more to the mix, wouldn't it. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bkdice 0 #48 October 30, 2003 Hi there. I've made some posts relating to your situation before. What wrongway says... "Umm.......something you should know ahead of time. With very few exceptions, relationships between skydivers and whuffos DON'T work out." is what I was told when I started jumping and my ex was unsupportive. I didn't believe this comment, until I started going out to the DZ more. Mind you, I would go on a Saturday, and made sure I was only gone during the hours he was at work, so it wasn't cutting into our time. Well, graduated AFF and then wanted to go out a bit more. I tried being considerate and tried educating him. Fact of the matter was, he was never going to approve. He was an ass in a lot of other ways, so this was the last straw. You are better off w/o unsupportive people like that in your life. Skydiving has been much more enjoyable w/o him. Even found me a perfect sky boy - but like Vallerina said, those don't always work either. I just got REALLY lucky. I hope you don't let him drag you down. The choices you will end up having to make will become more clear as you progress in Skydiving. Good luck to you. Bettina Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #49 October 30, 2003 Bingo! That's it! I'm a free spirited Gemini who has always run from those trying to control me. Feels like someone trying to put me in a straight jacket! and smothering me. I need my space. I've always had a difficult time with relationships for that exact reason. Yikes! I just learned something new about myself! Thanks..I suppose. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #50 October 30, 2003 Ya know..since I started this crazy sport, I've noticed that I've never been this happy and positive. Glass half full instead of half empty. I feel like I've gained a new lease on life. I used to be frustrated with everything and now I am so happy-go-lucky and see the good in everyone/everything. This has been a healthy dose of happiness! _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
