Lee03 0 #1 March 21, 2004 OK folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style". Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, your balls, fart, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement. The Code....... A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DAMN DATE. A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female. A Retrosexual DEALS with shit. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT. A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.) A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old. A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "dealing with shit" portion of The Code. A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title. A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it. A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you. A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey. A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie. A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be. A Retrosexual gives a lady his seat on the bus/subway/etc. A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just damned fun to shoot. Crying........... There are very few reason that a retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a retrosexual can cry include ( but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet ( fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part. A retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy french maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood". Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddy shack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, or Fight Club. When a retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face. A retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner. A retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship. I.E. hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, car maintenance. A retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils. A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph. A retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Where ever it lands is where he wanted it to land. A retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd LT.) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country. A retrosexual man doesn't need a contract, a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him. A retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT. With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects. "Life is hard if you are stupid...."-------- To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. --Nevil Shute, Slide Rule Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #2 March 21, 2004 QuoteA Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie. is there any other way ??scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lee03 0 #3 March 21, 2004 "is there any other way ??" ------------------------------------------------------------ Actually, yes there is, it's called a forehand knot, but it looks like crap, Windsor knot is the ONLY way to go.-------- To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. --Nevil Shute, Slide Rule Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #4 March 21, 2004 I'm guessing that's an interesting article to read, but, I had more important things to do, like scratching my balls, my ass, farting and belching loudly __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kai2k1 0 #5 March 21, 2004 Its amazing!! There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
attached 0 #6 March 21, 2004 Excellent. Thanks for taking the time to post. marilyn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JUDYJ 0 #7 March 21, 2004 And where would these "retrosexual" men be? Like Heath, Jared and Nick Barclay from Death Valley? Or the men from the Ponderosa? As a female I wouldn't mind seeing more retrosexual men on the planet earth. IF you are going to be Stupid - you better be tough! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #8 March 21, 2004 Hmmmm. I meet most of the criteria for this and I think I met alot of the criteria for a metrosexual? Does that make me a retro-metro-sexual? Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #9 March 21, 2004 so - I have to ask - are you anti "Metro-Sexual"? Or - is it that the real world consist of real men and you were trying to explain that to the ones that just don't quite know what reality is?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lee03 0 #10 March 21, 2004 "Or - is it that the real world consist of real men and you were trying to explain that to the ones that just don't quite know what reality is?" ------------------------------------------------------------ Believe that just about sums it up.-------- To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. --Nevil Shute, Slide Rule Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJatLarge 0 #11 March 21, 2004 I only have 3 words to say about that! AMEN AMEN AMEN Sign me up for you club or newsletter!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cudlo 0 #12 March 21, 2004 HOOAH!!!_________________________________________ "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." - Kierkegaard Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #13 March 21, 2004 and... um... WHERE can I find one of these?????? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJatLarge 0 #14 March 21, 2004 [waves frantically in the air at nightingale] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #15 March 21, 2004 QuoteAnd where would these "retrosexual" men be? i know there is one in utah.. he can be found at a dropzone or at 3835 adams ave....... ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NightJumper 0 #16 March 21, 2004 Quoteand... um... WHERE can I find one of these?????? I will send you a PM just as soon as I finish skining this bear. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #17 March 21, 2004 "The Von Hoffman Brothers' Big Damn Book of Sheer Manliness": Get it - READ IT. mh ."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpy 0 #18 March 21, 2004 Quote"is there any other way ??" ------------------------------------------------------------ Actually, yes there is, it's called a forehand knot, but it looks like crap, Windsor knot is the ONLY way to go. The forehand knot does indeed look like absolute crap! Anyone i know tries to wear there tie like that i make em take it off and re-do it! And amen to all that! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
britboynz 0 #19 March 21, 2004 umm, any of the southern states? dont you call em rednecks? lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
damion75 0 #20 March 21, 2004 Quoteand... um... WHERE can I find one of these?????? Pretty much anywhere in the UK outside of London!*************** Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChristSkyd 0 #21 March 21, 2004 Quote OK folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men BIG SNIP "Life is hard if you are stupid...." BRAVO! I am currently working on the development of a social services program for men called "Fathers and Families First." The principle concept behind the program is that men need to teach men how to be a father and a man. The goal is to break the cycle of domestic violence, prevent mental illness in the children, and generally promote the "welfare to work" concept. The government has actually supported a "Fatherhood Initiative" to promote the standard of males as head of household. Social services in the US has reached a point where they are managed by primarily by feminists, lesbians and homosexuals. The services are focused on the single mother and men are considered "less than" at best and "evil" most commonly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cudlo 0 #22 March 21, 2004 Hrm.... Perfectly good thread ruined here... Maybe I am crazy but putting something like "managed by primarily by feminists, lesbians and homosexuals." in your sales pitch just seems somehow counter productive. I mean... first off your in a discussion thread about guys being guys. Guess what feminists are (not counting the femi-nazis here). Women who want to be women, not degraded, objectified, and just be equal. So you picked a bad crowd. Second, you list both lesbians AND homosexuals. Hrm... think about that for a second. Im sure you'll get it in a minute. Okay, here is a hint. LESBIANS ARE HOMOSEXUALS. Sure, im kinda nitpicking at that point but what you said was redundant and thus annoying. So... either you're a troll or you kinda have some issues you need to work out. And until you do work those issues out. Please leave._________________________________________ "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." - Kierkegaard Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Luv2Fall 0 #23 March 21, 2004 You are da man...........excellent!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lee03 0 #24 March 21, 2004 "and... um... WHERE can I find one of these??????" ------------------------------------------------------------ Too bad you live on the other side of the country.-------- To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. --Nevil Shute, Slide Rule Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RevJim 0 #25 March 21, 2004 It's Ron, Charlie. Over on news:rec.skydiving we expect this of him. It's a good program, it just has probably an imperfect leader. As far as the reterosexual start to this thread I say: Hear Hear!!!It's your life, live it! Karma RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
