When you see, or hear the word "GOD" do you think of....

[Beerlight 0]

I'm still thinking..........

[Beerlight 0]

Still thinking.............

[WrongWay 0]

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The first thing I think of is crazy jesus freaks, you know the type. Not normal religious folk, but the quacks.

I AGREE. Thanks for saying what I was about to.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[wildblue 7]

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Dog

Im dislexic

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

it's like incest - you're substituting convenience for quality

[joshjumps 0]

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I was freaked out when I went with a friend to his catholic church one sunday, all the chanting, and on command things you have to say after someone else does made me want to run outta the place. Also every time they pass infront of the church in a car they say some saying, and cross their chest?! I went as a child to a baptist church and at every church the preacher was corrupt, and ended up having to leave town, how can you believe in anything when the guy preaching is full of shit.

Of course your right, after all America is horrible because some politicians are corrupt....no wait maybe America is good and we manage to look past the inevitable corrupt politicians. The church as an organization is not much different, don't condemn the whole because of some bad apples. But ultimately the question du jour is about God and not corrupt Baptist preachers. When more people realize that Churches are representatives of God and not God maybe everybody will be happier. Your corrupt preachers are human just like you and that is where you must understand they have failings just like everybody else. To quote a songwriter
"They're hypocrites they're such a bore
Well come on in there's room for one more."

Josh

[gary350 0]

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Dog

Im dislexic

Me too! Thousands of us worldwide are organizing an advocacy group to fight dyslexia ignorance and repression. Our rallying cry:

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

[gary350 0]

God WAS my co-pilot,

But we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

[Gawain 0]

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God WAS my co-pilot,

But we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.

That's funny.

On the contrary to that, I've heard: "If God is your co-pilot, you're in the wrong seat."

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[piisfish 140]

HeadHoncho

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[turtlespeed 226]

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I was freaked out when I went with a friend to his catholic church one sunday, all the chanting, and on command things you have to say after someone else does made me want to run outta the place. Also every time they pass infront of the church in a car they say some saying, and cross their chest?! I went as a child to a baptist church and at every church the preacher was corrupt, and ended up having to leave town, how can you believe in anything when the guy preaching is full of shit.

Of course your right, after all America is horrible because some politicians are corrupt....no wait maybe America is good and we manage to look past the inevitable corrupt politicians. The church as an organization is not much different, don't condemn the whole because of some bad apples. But ultimately the question du jour is about God and not corrupt Baptist preachers. When more people realize that Churches are representatives of God and not God maybe everybody will be happier. Your corrupt preachers are human just like you and that is where you must understand they have failings just like everybody else. To quote a songwriter
"They're hypocrites they're such a bore
Well come on in there's room for one more."

Josh

So which rules your life?
Church or the laws of the goverment. Or are they the same in your eyes?

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[livendive 8]

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I think of statistics.

"The Manchester University graduate, who now works as a risk assessor in Ohio, said the theory starts from the assumption that God has a 50/50 chance of existing, and then factors in the evidence both for and against the notion of a higher being.

Factors that were considered included recognition of goodness, which Dr Unwin said makes the existence of God more likely, countered by things like the existence of natural evil - including earthquakes and cancer. "

These two paragraphs are pretty telling about the quality of the "study" and its findings.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Gawain 0]

Speaking of Statistics, here's little story (as far as I know it's a joke, I've not checked Snopes or any of that sh*t, just laugh at it will ya?)...
*******************
A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?
Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:

-----------------------------------------------

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are
more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

.......It was not revealed what grade the student got.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[gary350 0]

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

1. How did you find out about your Deity?

___ Newspaper
___ Bible
___ Torah
___ Book of Mormon
___ Koran
___ Divine inspiration
___ Dead Sea Scrolls
___ My mama done tol' me
___ Near-death experience
___ Near-life experience
___ National Public Radio
___ Tabloid
___ Burning shrubbery
___ Other (specify): _____________

2. Which model Deity did you acquire?

___ Yahweh
___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
___ Jehovah
___ Jesus
___ Krishna
___ Zeus and entourage [Olympus Pak]
___ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
___ Allah
___ Satan
___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
___ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order
and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes
___ No

If not, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:

___ Not eternal
___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
___ Not omniscient
___ Not omnipotent
___ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations)
___ Permits sex outside of marriage
___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
___ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
___ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
___ Requires burnt offerings
___ Requires virgin sacrifices
___ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a Deity?

Please check all that apply.

___ Indoctrinated by parents
___ Needed a reason to live
___ Indoctrinated by society
___ Needed focus on whom to despise
___ Imaginary friend grew up
___ Graduated from the tooth fairy
___ Hate to think for myself
___ Wanted to meet girls/boys
___ Fear of death
___ Wanted to piss off parents
___ Needed a day away from work
___ Desperate need for certainty
___ Like organ music
___ Need to feel morally superior
___ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
___ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a Deity before? If so, by which false god
were you fooled?

Please check all that apply.

___ Mick Jagger
___ Rajanish
___ Baal
___ The almighty dollar
___ Bill Gates
___ Left-wing liberalism
___ The radical right
___ Ra
___ Beelzebub
___ Barney T.B.P.D.
___ The Great Spirit
___ The Great Pumpkin
___ The sun
___ Elvis
___ Cindy Crawford
___ The moon
___ TV news
___ Burning shrubbery
___ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God?

Please check all that apply.

___ Tarot
___ Lottery
___ Astrology
___ Television
___ Fortune cookies
___ Ann Landers
___ Psychic Friends Network
___ Dianetics
___ Palmistry
___ Playboy and/or Playgirl
___ Self-help books
___ Sex, drugs, rock and roll
___ Biorhythms
___ Alcohol
___ Bill Clinton
___ Tea leaves
___ EST
___ CompuServe
___ Mantras
___ Jimmy Swaggert
___ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
___ Human sacrifice
___ Pyramids
___ Wandering in a desert
___ Burning shrubbery
___ Barney T.B.P.D.
___ Barney Fife
___ Other:___________

7. God employs a limited degree of divine intervention to preserve the
balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.

Which would you prefer? (circle one)

a. More divine intervention
b. Less divine intervention
c. Current level of divine intervention is just right
d. Don't know ... What's divine intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.

Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 his handling of the following (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Disasters:
1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 spam
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 American Politics
1 2 3 4 5 Corporate Ownership
1 2 3 4 5 Jerry Lewis

Miracles:
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over jerkwater towns
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 Saddam Hussein still alive
1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever

9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)

If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes by December 31, you will be entered in
the "One Free Miracle of Your Choice" drawing (chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 x 10^23, depending on number of beings entered).

[Vertifly 0]

Dude, I honestly can't help thinking to myself...

"I wonder what the word "god" means to others. It couldn't possibly be the same thing as everyone."

It is all very confusing and lacks enough evidence to support anything other than what people tell you, what you have read, or the speculation that comes from your own mind. So, how will you ever be correct in assuming the truth. "Faith", you may reply. To me, faith has the same level of possibility of being a pacifier.

"Hope" could be the ultimate coined word in spirituality.

[happythoughts 0]

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First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.

Nope, they don't have to have mass. I'd have given this student a F if they were going to start assuming stuff like that.

[DrunkMonkey 0]

<---Recovering Catholic. Gives me something to work out in my adult life.

I'm all for salvation, Jesus, and all that, but it seems that organized churches are chock full of self-righteous asshats. I'll avoid church, but religion is ok w/me...

[flyangel2 2]

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<---Recovering Catholic. Gives me something to work out in my adult life.

Me too. Twelve years of Catholic school. Why is it that the nuns and priest had to instill fear instead of telling the truth?

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[dove 0]

What I think when I hear "God" totally depends on the context. If I see a "God" billboard/sign on the side of the road, I usually think of the aforementioned Jesus freaks. When I see "God" in the newspapers I think of people "killing in the name of God." When I hear someone say "oh God" I brace myself for bad news. And when I think of God in my own head, I think of spirituality, forgiveness, guidance, peace, hope and adversity for the sake of growth and wisdom.

While I am not a religious person I do consider myself very spiritual. After having tried several religions on for size and not quite feeling comfortable with any of them, I developed my own relationship with God and decided that so long as I live my life according to his will and try to follow his guidance that I don't need organized religion. I am not saying that religion is bad, it just doens't work for me. The main thing that turned me off from organized religions is the tendency for each sect to put down others. I think as long as everyone is working toward the same end (God, fulfilling life, happiness, growth, etc.) then who cares what means they take to arrive there. (Obviously NOT including any violence) God likes variety. Look at how many races there are, how many types of trees, how many breeds of dogs.... why can't there be many types of religions that can all coexist peacefully as well?

Fall in dove.

[jakee 1,558]

the truth is exactly what they don't want you to see. If you are scared of them then you wont ask too many difficult questions.

Do you want to have an ideagasm?

[mcrocker 0]

G.O.D. = Guaranteed Overnight Delivery, I see their trucks all the time

[Lee03 0]

i think of the Creator, the Almight, God, in the Christian sense. best answer i can give, not easy to describe God.

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To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities.

--Nevil Shute, Slide Rule

[airdweller 0]

I think of God

------------------------------------------------------
"From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant,
who doesn't enjoy a good sit?" C. Montgomery Burns

[JoeyRamone 0]

GOD= Good Orderly Direction

[3ringheathen 0]

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I think of statistics.

OMFG!
No pun intended.

This is the type of (clearing throat) 'science' that requires one to be mindfull of the saying:
"Garbage In, Garbage Out"
-Josh

If you have time to panic, you have time to do something more productive. -Me*
*Ron has accused me of plagiarizing this quote. He attributes it to Douglas Adams.

[3ringheathen 0]

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"alright, no one is to throw another stone until I blow this whistle. Not even, I want to make this quite clear, not even if they say Jehova. AAAARGH"

"Look, I don't think it should be a sin just to say Jehovah"

You're only making it worse for yourself!

Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

-Josh

If you have time to panic, you have time to do something more productive. -Me*
*Ron has accused me of plagiarizing this quote. He attributes it to Douglas Adams.